THE GRIT SHOW - Growth on Purpose

Love Languages & Alignment in Relationships w/Bethany Ann -13

September 13, 2022 Shawna Rodrigues/ Bethany Ann Episode 13
THE GRIT SHOW - Growth on Purpose
Love Languages & Alignment in Relationships w/Bethany Ann -13
Show Notes Transcript

Today our focus is alignment in relationships, which quickly led to one of my favorite topics, the five love languages. I’ve always felt they were a valuable tool since I first discovered them fresh out of college. They do a lot to help you understand what you need so that your keep feels full and to understand that others around may need different things so that they can feel loved. We mostly speak about it in romantic relationships but touch on other applications and once you dive into this concept, there are many places that you can apply it as well.
Bethany is our guest leading us in this conversation and she also talks about shared vision in relationships and understanding where you and your partner see yourselves and making sure you are on the same page.
Throughout this conversation, you’ll see glimpses of the years I spent years being a bit of a skeptic of the immense beauty and benefit having the right relationship can bring to your life. I am very blessed and grateful for the relationship I have and Bethany and I both talk a little about how limiting beliefs is the biggest thing that kept me and many others from having relationships that give so much back to their life and wellbeing. 
Bethany Ann is a love and relationship coach who specializes in helping divorced women find love again. She empowers them to attract divine, aligned love into their lives without the chase of dating apps. She works with them to rewire self-limiting beliefs and restore self-confidence and trust. Having been on her own spiritual journey for the past 5 years, Bethany understands what it takes to move from a place of fear and lack into a place of love and light. With over 10 years in the medical field, Bethany took her love of serving and helping others into a different space. Coaching was a natural fit for her, as her friends and family constantly turned to her for advice. You can often find her with her nose in a book, on the beach, or spending time with her family.

Bethany’s Divorced Moms Date without Apps FB Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/findyoursoulmate22

Connect with Bethany on IG: https://www.instagram.com/bethanyanncoach/ 

Things we referenced in the show:

The 5 Love Languages Quiz:
https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

Book-
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

https://amzn.to/3DoefZM 

 

I have not read these editions, but have been curious about them. If you read them, please send me a DM on Instagram or email the show—connect@thegritshow.com and let me know what you think!

The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition: The Secret That Will Revolutionize Your Relationships

https://amzn.to/3Bbi55N

The 5 Love Languages for Men: Tools for Making a Good Relationship Great

https://amzn.to/3L7mKKC

The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively

https://amzn.to/3qy7hKb

 

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Shawna:

Personally, I spent a lot of years being skeptical about the importance a primary relationship could have in my overall wellbeing and happiness. I think I was rebelling against the narrative that a partner was necessary. While I still don't think a partner is necessary for you to feel complete whole and happy. I've been surprised and very pleased at how much finding the right person has added to my life. Today, we are going to talk about alignment in relationships. And one of my favorite topics, the five love languages. I think they are a valuable tool in helping you understand what things make you feel the most loved and what people nearest and dearest to you may need to help them feel the most loved. Welcome to the Grit Show. Growth on purpose. I'm glad you found us. I'm Shawna Rodrigues and I'm honored to be leading you on today's journey as part of this community growing together as seekers and Thrivers. You may have noticed my voice is still a little off and I'm still a bit under the weather, but I'm hopeful this means I'll be in stellar health later in the fall when I have some exciting travel and business ventures planned. Now to our guest. Bethany Ann is a teacher, educator, mentor, lover, mother, and intuitive who brings forth healing and transformation. After over 10 years in the medical field, she found her calling as a coach who helps divorce women find love again. She empowers them to attract divine, aligned love into their lives without the chase of the dating apps. She specializes in alignment in relationships. Welcome Bethany.

Bethany:

Thank you Shawna. I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for having me.

Shawna:

Yes, I'm so excited. I feel like your angle around dating apps is something that everyone would love to hear about for anyone who is single out there. I spoke some about alignment and relationships and the importance of that with folks who have partners.

Bethany:

Yeah, definitely. I think one of the key components to a healthy, successful relationship is having alignment and some people might ask, well, what does that even mean? Like what does alignment look like? For me, alignment means having shared. Values shared visions for the future. Shared belief systems, shared interests, shared hobbies, and a really important one that I feel like is overlooked is a shared or an understanding of each other's love languages. So there's a book that probably a lot of people have heard of. It's called the five love languages. Have you ever heard about it?

Shawna:

Oh, my gosh, Bethany, I was literally going to post in one of the groups about finding somebody who knows about that. Cause I love that book, I had my mom read it. It made such beautiful things happen to her understanding of her relationship with my father years ago when she read it. But I think that it's a barrier, cuz the book can be a bit dry and hard to follow, but if you understand those languages, I think it's very powerful. So I'm so excited that

Bethany:

cool.

Shawna:

that you know about and would love to talk about. I think that's a very important topic for us to touch on. So yes, five love languages is very important to be able to understand your partners and align with what their needs are around that let's start with that. Do you wanna share with our listeners about the five love languages and helping them to understand what they are and how that can impact their relationship?

Bethany:

Yeah, absolutely. I do wanna say you don't have to read the book. You can just Google search the five love languages. And go take a quiz and discover what yours is. I let's see there's five. So there's physical touch. Though, which is mine by the way. So I'm just really big on like hugs and kisses and holding hands, words of affirmation, which is more, you need verbal confirmation, like, uh, you know, Hey, thank you. I saw you clean the kitchen. Thank you so much for doing that. Um, there's acts of service, which is, you know, doing things around the house, doing things that, you know, need to be done without being told kind of thing. Gift giving is another one and the fifth one I am blanking on at the moment, but that's okay.

Shawna:

Quality time. That's that's mine.

Bethany:

Well, thank you. You're right. That's it quality time. And that's a, that's a pretty big one too, for me as well. And so I can give you some examples in my own life of how the love languages worked and didn't work in my relationships. I was married for almost 18 years in my first relationship and we had completely different love languages, but it wasn't something that I realized until, you know, I read that book and this was maybe oh, 10 years or so into my relationship. And I like light bulb enough. And I was like, oh my God. Yes. Like, this is huge. So for me, my love language is physical touch. And I just like lots of affection and hugging and kissing. And and he was good at that. But his love language was words of affirmation in which I wasn't so good at. So when I realized like, oh, I really need to be like verbally praising him for everything you're doing around the house. Like, oh, I see you clean that when no one asked you, like, I see you did this, those little things that you do that no one really sees when I started to realize like, oh, he needs some praise, some reward for this. And I started to verbalize that he was like, oh, thank you so much. And just those little things. That really helped to increase the intimacy and the appreciation in our relationship. And so even if you do have different love languages, just being able to have a conversation around that and what that means, you know, if your love language is quality time, but your partner is. You know, high powered business person and they're working all the time and they have meetings after work and they're never home. Then you're gonna start to feel like, oh my God, they don't love me anymore. They don't wanna spend time with me because your main love language isn't being fulfilled. So I think it's really important to just sit down, have an open conversation. Maybe you can even sit down with your partner. Do the quiz together and find out what your love language is. You probably have an idea already just having heard what they are and like, oh yeah, that really resonates with me. Like gift giving. That was one that never was huge for me, but I have, um, a friend who. That was huge for her. And even if it was just like a card, a birthday card on her birthday, you know, she, that's all she really needed. And she would feel really hurt when her partner didn't give her that. And she's like, oh, I wanted as a card. Is that so much to ask?

Shawna:

yes.

Bethany:

But, you know, when the partner doesn't know that that's what you need, then how can they fulfill your needs? So you just having conversations around it. And I think it's definitely, really important in understanding what your partner's love language is, what your own love language is and how you can work together to make sure you're fulfilling those needs for each other.

Shawna:

Yes. When I first read the book, there wasn't a quiz which tells you it was a long, long time ago.

Bethany:

Yeah.

Shawna:

and when I read it the person I was with at the time, our conversation was such that I figured out his and his response was well, you're all of them. You do all of these things like you you're multilingual. So that was a joke for some time. And then a partner that I was with for eight or nine years. He was a very smart cookie, cuz he figured out that mine was quality time and the way he figured it out was by looking back at the relationships I ended and why I ended them. And it's so funny that mine was quality time when my friends will tell you that I'm not a clingy person in a relationship at all. You can ask my partner, like we both do our own thing and we're great like that. And that is who I am as a person. And at times there was, there would be guys trying to imply that I was, you know, trying to spend too much time with them. And it wasn't about how much time it was about the quality of the time and about them not holding sacred something they said we would do, which is very different than how much time, if that makes any sense. And that was what. this gentleman decoded. It was about that quality and about really being able to like hold sacred when we have time together and about the quality of the time that we spend together. And so it was great when he figured that out. And my second one is acts of service, which was my father's. And when my mom read it, she like light bulbs went off. Like my dad is acts of service from here until the cows come home. And if you want to feel connected to my dad, doing things with him that are acts of service, doing things for him, raking his leaves. If you want to get on my dad's good side, you go rake his leaves at his house when they're dumping 20 times during the fall and just making him crazy. Like those are the things that make my dad happy and mean a lot to him and he will fix your car. He has fixed so many cars, but she realized that that's what he does for other people. And it would make her crazy that he was off helping people when she needed him at home. But that was his way of showing that he cared. And that's his thing. And her things were gift giving, which I love my dad, but he is. Terrible at and words of affirmation, which also is not my dad's forte, but it really helped her understand that that was the reason her cup was always empty, was because of how she needed it filled and that he was filling it in different ways. And just her perspective shift of her understanding that when he fixed things for her when he did those things for her, that was him saying, I love you. And that was him demonstrating his love made such a difference for her. So for her even one person understanding this is what this is, makes such a difference. So I think it's such a powerful thing to actually understand. And the quiz makes it so much easier. that you can figure those things out.

Bethany:

Right? Yeah. The quiz does make it easier. Just go, go take the quiz. And I love that you said, it's such a powerful way to understand someone because a lot of the times when we're feeling, you know, like you said, your cup wasn't filled. It's usually these simple little things that we can tweak. It's it's not, it feels really big, but the fix doesn't have to be this big thing. It can just be coming back to this really simple thing of like, understanding your needs, what you want and your love language. It's such a beautiful thing. That's a cool story about your dad, cuz I have known other men like that in general, who are acts of service oriented and yes, they're going out doing things for other people and their wives are like, why aren't you at home doing the things for me, but that's how he fills his cup. So, and everyone is just so different. Everyone's so different. And so it's so great to have that understanding and awareness of what they are, what yours is, what your partners is.

Shawna:

Yes. And I have a, a couple that I think very highly of that we had a conversation once when we were out at dinner or something around the love languages. And they figured out what both of their languages were. And I was at their house. I stayed with them cuz they live in a different city. And when I was staying with them, one of the partners was like, would you get me a cup of coffee? And the other person paused cuz it wasn't convenient. And the responses. My love language is acts of service and the person went and got the cup of coffee for them, which was just like the sweetest thing. Cuz it was like this is how you show me. You love me if you do this for me and it, and it totally worked. And that was a reminder they needed. Right. Cuz they wanna show love. They had no desire to go get that cup of coffee, but they wanted to show their love. So they went and they got her the cup of coffee. It's great when you can understand that. And I have a friend- when I hear her talking about being frustrated around the gifts that she doesn't get, or that he doesn't even bring her flowers that I totally hear from her that it. Gift giving. And it's interesting. Cause it's so easy to misunderstand these categories, right? So gift giving doesn't have to be that. I buy you diamond rings and lavish expensive gifts. It can be, I bring you flowers. It's that act of giving to somebody and physical touch. Does not have to be like the level of intimacy you automatically think of it can be hand holding. It could be touching arms around you, that physical affection. And so it can be things that you don't automatically think of. And like with me in quality time, it's not that you have to spend every minute with me, my fiance wellest to the fact I love my own time. He loves his own time, but it's a matter of when we spend time together we're together. It's not that

Bethany:

Yeah on your phones.

Shawna:

Yes exactly. you won't drive me crazy. Scroll through your phone instead of me.

Bethany:

Yeah

Shawna:

exactly.

Bethany:

That drives me crazy too, but yeah, such a good distinction, right? Like physical touch doesn't have to be having sex. Like we're at the grocery store and my partner puts his arm around me and just that little gesture is touching to me and it's like, oh, it makes me feel loved. And the same thing with gift giving, like my friend who it was just the birthday card. Oh, she wanted was the birthday card. She didn't care about how much money her partner spent on the gift. It was like, I want a thought felt handwritten little birthday card that shows how much you love me. So yeah, you can get creative with it too. They don't have to be these, these grand gestures. And I think that's something that's important to, to recognize, like, don't get overwhelmed by the fact that your partner. Is wanting these gifts or has a completely different love language than you. And also you have like the primary and the secondary, like maybe you are gift giving, but also acts of service. So you can kind of be split between two separate ones and maybe your partner's better at the other one. And so they can focus more on the one that they are better at too. So it doesn't have to. Black and white, like I'm only gift giving. You have to give me gifts, you know,

Shawna:

Yes.

Bethany:

between the different things.

Shawna:

Yeah. And keeping that in mind is actually easy to forget, cuz I think that my partner and I, we meet with having quality time, but I think that's like his second language. And, and I forget I'm not meeting his first language, even though he's meeting my first language. So now that we're talking about that, I'm like, Hmm, I need to meet his first language a little bit more. And my second language acts of service, he's, he's great at cooking me dinner, which is great, cuz that's definitely an act of service that I appreciate. He may not like. Doing the yard stuff. He still does that cuz he loves me. But um, and he recognizes that he's doing, if he didn't know that was my language and that that's why he's doing it, he would never do it. but he knows that, that my love language X of service is my number two. And that I do appreciate that so much. And words of affirmation is his number one. So if I remember to thank him and to make sure it's specific about why I'm grateful, that helps to encourage that as well. So knowing those things makes a big.

Bethany:

yeah. That can be a tricky one words of affirmation. I don't know why, but I was kind of bad at that with my, with my ex, because. You know, he just needed that validation. And I think sometimes we take our partners for granted and everything that they do around the house. And when we just, we forget to stop and say, thank you. And that builds up over time, then it's like, God, do you ever appreciate anything? I do. when you never get that verbal confirmation. So just taking like a second outta your day, like when you come home, Okay. Stop. Like you're not at work. You're coming home. You're coming to this different space. Take a breath and like, okay, what do I need to do? Put on your home hat now. Right? Like now I'm home. What can I do to connect with my partner now that you're home? Like you both were at work. Maybe you had a stressful day. And you don't wanna bring all that stress into the house. So what can you do? stop, breathe, take a moment and think about like, all right, what's their love language. What can I do? Do they need a hug? Do they need, words of affirmation? Oh wow. The house looks so clean today. Dinner looks wonderful. Like thank you so much for cooking, Or is it Acts of Service? Do you need to go in and step in and like make the dinner, clean the kitchen or whatever it is? So I think that's a good way to transition from Go go stressful, busy work mode to coming home where you're supposed to be a little bit softer and like let's connect now and not bring that stress into the house. And so how can we do that with, with our love languages?

Shawna:

Yes. And how much when you are not feeling the reciprocal from your partner that you stopping and checking, if you are giving them their love language, and if you are giving them what they need. I have a dear friend who her love language is acts of service and her partner is physical touch. And so she can get driven crazy when he wants to touch. And she just wants things to be gotten done around the house. And so it's like if he does the dishes, if he takes care of these things, then then, and she, it helps her to recognize that needs to be what she's willing to do as well. So trying to see that if I'm doing this, if I'm giving this, if I'm getting this, then I need to be able to recognize I'm not getting my needs met, but I'm also not meeting their needs. And so this is what they need and this is what they need. Yes.

Bethany:

So true. You know, I think we kind of get caught up in relationships where we're almost really selfish and we're just like, what can I get out of this? He's not doing this for me. She's not doing this for me. And if we can just kind of turn that around and be like, what can I give, what am I giving here? Like, how can I give more than I receive? And just start to like, flip that script a little bit. And then that helps you. Get into more of that gratitude mindset. And you're like, oh yeah, I am really thankful for this, this and this. And then you're a little softer with your partner and that softens them and they become softer with you. And it is this whole like dance back and forth between how can I help you and how can you help me? But I do think sometimes we get a little caught up in that and thinking like, you're not doing enough for me. And it's like, Am I doing enough for you? You know, there's a flip side to that too. And yeah, the love languages really come in there cuz they really show you, you know, how you can be of service to your partner and how they can be of service to you. So it's really, I really love the whole idea of love languages for that reason. Brilliant, brilliant concept. And it's just, yeah, it's

Shawna:

I do. It's a brilliant concept. And I've always found that it fits like one of those five fits everyone that I know. And it's interesting too, that it gets to, some of your, frustrations and arguments outside of just your relationship. I know I had a, a friend of mine who was so frustrated that her partner would come home late. And he would play with their daughter and get her worked up before bed. And she'd be so frustrated with that because it would cause her frustration and I'm like, Hmm. Based on 20 other things you've said, I think his love language is quality time and that's the only he gets with your daughter. So we do need to have a conversation about riling her up, but he does need that time with her. So we need to find another way to do that.

Bethany:

Yeah.

Shawna:

Your partner whose physical touch, he'd rather be cuddled on the couch with the kids. Instead of taking care of doing the dishes after dinner, his cuddled on the couch with the kids is his physical touch. Like his love language, his connection with the kids being met. And so taking away that time completely is gonna make him very unhappy, even if he is getting the dishes done. And so trying to recognize like what you're taking. ,you know, what the problems you're trying to solve. Like you're trying to solve that this needs to get done. My, my kids need to get to bed. The dishes need to get done, but what you're taking from your partner, when you're doing that and making sure that you're respecting and honoring that this is, you know, they need that quality time. They need that physical touch. They need that connection here. And so how can we get this met and get this met? And when you see it as this core need, that's how they're filling their cup. And when you understand it's filling their cup, then it makes a different way to approach all sort. Challenges and relationships and new families and balancing things. So, yes, that's great. I love all of this. Thank you so much, Bethany.

Bethany:

yeah, you're welcome. That was a great topic.

Shawna:

yes. So you named multiple other pieces of alignment though. So what is another one that we can, circle around to, and talk a little bit more about with relationships?

Bethany:

Yeah. I'd like to talk about vision; having a shared vision for the future and that can be just as simple as like, we wanna have kids together. We don't wanna have kids together. We like to travel. We don't like to travel. Or even just like, I wanna live by the beach. Well, I wanna live in Alaska.

Shawna:

There's in Alaska. different kinds

Bethany:

of beaches right?

Shawna:

beaches and yes.

Bethany:

Warm weather versus cold weather. Yeah. So really sitting down and having conversations around, you know, what does that look like? Because a lot of us probably have goals, visions, ideas, dreams for what we want our future to look like, like where do you wanna be in five years? And. We need to make sure that we're on the same page with our partner. Well, where do you wanna be in five years, do our visions for the future. Do they match up? And if they don't match up, it's not necessarily a deal breaker, but where is someone willing to like, let go a little bit and give a little bit and where someone else is not willing to do that? for example, I feel like kids is usually a big one that comes up Most people kind of know like, yes, I want kids or no, I don't want kids, but I've seen beautiful relationships fall apart because someone actually changes their mind. And it's like, you know what? I really, really want to be a mom. I have the strong desire to be a mom. And then the husband or the other partner is just like, No, like I told you, I didn't want kids and that's a complete deal breaker for me. So just getting really clear on what that means. And then if, if you are undecided, like maybe I want kids, maybe I don't talking to your partner, like, well, what does our future look like with kids? What does it look like without kids? Are you okay? If we have kids, are you okay if we don't have kids, that's just a huge decision that, cuz obviously having children just changes your life completely and what you can do. And so if your vision for the future is traveling and taking trips and exploring the world. That is a little bit hard to line up with someone who wants to have kids and have a family. Right. I mean, you can make it work. Sure. But those things are just a little fundamentally different. So really getting clear on your vision for the future, your partner's visions and seeing if they align and if they don't align, can someone compromise or is this a deal breaker for you?

Shawna:

That is so huge. Yes.

Bethany:

If you don't have these serious conversations and you put them off, then you find yourself together. Oh, it's been a year now. Now we're thinking about getting married and we're moved in together and things are getting really serious. And, but wait a minute, we have these fundamental differences that, you know, maybe you. Had a casual conversation about, but you didn't take the time to sit down and get really, really clear about it. So having these big conversations in the beginning, you know, not necessarily on the first date, but when you feel like you're getting to the point where you could see this future, see a future with someone and things, you're like, they're getting more serious, let's really sit down and have a serious conversation about what you want for the future and what I want. And. You know, maybe you don't even necessarily know. Some people are just like, I don't know where I wanna be in five years. Like I have this job. I like this job. I like where I live. Maybe I don't want anything in my life to change. So just really sitting down, having clear conversations about that, I think is super important.

Shawna:

Definitely. I know that with my partner that I have now, my fiance, we have a fun story. You have a great story that we're going to get to as well. Um, we have a fun story. And part of me finding him was me getting clear on the relationship I wanted. I've dated many incredible. Gentleman. And I think highly of most everyone that I've dated. And I think that I kept looking for the person and I found a lot of great people and I stopped looking for people and started looking for a relationship. And I found the relationship once I was looking for a relationship and not a person. And as you talk about the vision, I had a vision for that relationship and then found the person that fit that vision. and that's what you're talking about, whether it's where you wanna live, what you wanna be doing. And when I did, and I did the online dating, which she's gonna talk about not doing that. I found love of my life outside of that. But when I was doing that, I actually wrote that vision of this is what I want. And when I wrote the relationship I wanted. And the person that fit that relationship. It's so funny cuz if you read it and I did read it to my fiance, like month after we got together and it fit him 100%, it talked about someone who could, you know, wear a tux to a black tie function and also be just as comfortable on top of a mountain, camping by campfire, cuz that's my life. And I needed somebody who fit that and that fit that vision. And I found that once I started looking for that relationship that would fit all of that instead of looking for just that person. So I think that you knowing what you want and then you making sure you and your partner find that together. And that's what you both want is critical. That is great Bethany. So definitely find it for yourself and then make sure you talk about that. when you're finding

Bethany:

Yeah. Yeah, I I love that's beautiful. What you said about the, you stopped looking for a person and started looking for the relationship and you had that vision. I think that's so important holding that vision. And really just like feeling into it and dreaming about it and like, what does that feel like to have that thing? Like you said, you need to be able to be professional, but at the same time, I like to go camping and hiking. So you gotta be down with that too. Like, and just, what does that feel like to have a partner who can do all that with you? And that's really just so instrumental and like manifesting and attracting as people is putting. On that same wavelength as those people are. And I think that's really cool that you did that. So

Shawna:

Yes. And found that. And I wanna hear, so part of your work is helping people to. To clarify, to manifest. So you don't need dating apps, which again, in the end, I did not

Bethany:

Yeah.

Shawna:

them to clarify what they're looking for. So talk more about your journey you've mentioned that you were divorced and that tell us more about from going to that, to where you are now with relationship.

Bethany:

Yeah, sure. Yeah. So I was in a long-term relationship for about 18 years. Got married, really young. And so when that ended. I was just like, I don't even know what to do. Right. Like the modern way is the dating apps. That's what everyone does. And when I was young and dating, those didn't really exist. And so when I felt like the time was right, I'm like, all right, you know, I'm gonna try these apps. Like, let's give it a shot. See what happens. It was fun for like five minutes.

Shawna:

Three minutes, five minutes, something like that? Yes. Yes.

Bethany:

Yeah. And I just quickly became exhausted by all of it. Just the mental energy it takes to like make a profile and sometimes it's hard to figure out, you know, what exactly do you wanna write about yourself? Cause what are you trying to convey on these apps and you know, which app do you use? There's so many of them and you hear, well, some are better for hook. Some are better for long term. And so which app do you even use? And then you get on the apps and then it's just this, this constant scrolling, this swipe culture of like, oh, you don't have exactly what I want next. It's just so casual. And it feels so like throwaway and you know, then you find someone, maybe you like, you start messaging and. You're then it feels like you're endlessly messaging, then you're like, all right, can we just meet up for coffee and see if we have this, you know, spark in real life. And then you get stood up at the coffee shop. And so there's all the ghosting and everything. And it just, it was so overwhelming. And I was like, you know what? This is not working for me. Maybe it works for some people, but it's not working for me. So I'm going to just stop and take a break. Like I'm gonna figure out a better way, right? And so I've always been interested in all things, spiritual metaphysical. And I started learning about, the nature of reality and the law of attraction and manifestation and quantum physics and all of those things. Um, and at the same time I realized, you know, I really need to just focus on healing myself, figuring out yeah. What my vision is. Getting really clear on what I want out of a partner out of a relationship. And work on becoming the person that I want to meet.

Shawna:

Mm.

Bethany:

And so, yeah, so I did some different healing modalities and, started to really work on myself and just like stopped dating, gave myself a break. And so my story here about meeting my partner, so one day I was just kind of feeling in a low space feeling kind of down like, oh my God, am I ever gonna meet this person? How, where, when are they gonna show up? You know, I live in a really small town too. So I was feeling like I'm never gonna meet anyone here. Everyone's married. So I was working on my mindset, right. Working on my mindset meditation. I went down to the river, which is like my happy place. It was a beautiful sunny day. Last June. And I sat in the river and like, I sat there and I was like meditating and just doing my thing. And I was like crying in the river and at one point, like I looked down and I saw something shiny in the river. It was like red and shiny. I'm like, you know, it caught my eye. I'm like, what the heck is that? And I picked it up and I pulled it out and it was a rock, but it had a heart painted on it. And it was like a kid had painted this heart shaped rock and threw it I picked it up and I just, I just started crying, like happy tears, because I was like, oh my God, this is my sign from the universe that like, you're gonna meet your person. Like it's gonna happen. I've got your back. Like you're gonna find love. And just something about finding that rock, just. It just cleared everything. It cleared all the emotions that I was feeling, and I just felt so much better. And I was like, all right, you know, this is, um, this has been awesome. I've meditated. I've done my thing. I'm getting hungry. It's time to go. So. With nothing on my mind, not expecting to meet anyone at that moment in time, I get up to leave. I'm like leaving the river, walking up the bank. And I run into an old friend who I hadn't seen in over a year and I gave him a hug and like, Hey, how's it going, buddy? And then like standing right behind him was this like beautiful hunk of a man standing there. Shirtless on this gorgeous day. And I was just like instantly attracted. I'm like, Hey, who are you? And so, so I met Josh, my partner he was manifested into my life that day. I feel like the universe brought him to me. And so we ended up, so I didn't leave the river. We ended up all hanging out for a little bit and then long story short- he got my phone number from our friend and called me like a week later. And our first date, he came over to my house and we just, we sat at my kitchen table and we talked for like three hours and it felt like five minutes. And I feel like right away, I felt that sense of alignment where we really talked about our beliefs, our values, our visions, um, even just in that very first conversation, there was so much alignment and. Yeah. So we're still together to this day. And so I feel like I, I manifested him. I attracted him by also doing all this other work on myself and learning about the law of attraction and how that all works. And I just felt like, you know, I'm not special. Like if I could do this, why couldn't someone else do this? And I had been wanting to get into the coaching field for a long time, and I thought I would be doing some kind of health and health coaching or fitness coaching. Cause I'm super into health and wellness, but that just wasn't where my passion was. My passion was like finding love. Like love is just one of the greatest feelings in the world. And one of the highest frequencies. Experience, and I really wanted to help like raise human consciousness to the power of love. And so I decided to like sit down and write this program and figure it all out. And so my coaching program manifested divine love was born. It's a 90 day one-on-one coaching program. Um, I specifically like helping divorced moms find love again, because that's what I was, you know, a divorced mom feeling like. I'm never gonna find love again. How am I gonna meet anyone? All, you know, the online dating thing sucks. All the good men are taken. And so

Shawna:

Gotta work on those beliefs. Self talk. Gotta work on that first. Yes,

Bethany:

Yeah. It worked really hard to get over all those limiting beliefs and all the mindset stuff, and worked really hard on that and manifested my divine love. And I couldn't be happier now and I wanna help other women do that.

Shawna:

that's amazing. I think we don't even. What our messages are that we tell ourselves and what our beliefs are. I was at dinner with a, a wonderful couple that had rented, um, the basement from a home I owned and I went to dinner after they'd moved out and was at dinner with them. And they were just, you know, perfect. Couple, he was a lawyer. She was a teacher. They're super sweet. And they're talking about. Why are you single? Like you're amazing, et cetera, cetera. And I was like, well, you know, I'm, I'm a hard match. Like, you know, I want specific things, my background, like there's like, you know, probably three guys in the whole world that would be the right match for me. And they're like three and the whole, world's like not three in this town, like three in the, what are you thinking? And it's so funny cuz I thought that was. I thought there was only one in the whole world for me when I was younger. So opening myself up to three to five, like that was, I was broadening instead of really realizing, wow, I guess that is kind of limiting isn't it? I didn't realize that I was, you know, making it so limited that it was that hard for me to find someone and I'm like, huh? Yeah. Cuz you both thought you could be with anyone and yet you ended up with a perfect one. Maybe I need to work on this and look at it a little differently. so I stopped looking for the one and started looking for the relationship was around that time. And so yeah, the way that we, we don't even realize the things we believe until someone puts a mirror up and like, wait a minute. Yes. There are single guys your age. Yes, it is possible. Yes, it does exist. You gotta believe it to find it. So start believing that's first.

Bethany:

You, you got that exactly. Right. And that's what we work on too. Just what are the beliefs that you have around love? Like a lot of times, just like you said, you don't even realize how limiting they are, the beliefs you're carrying around and they really do impact what you find, you know, like tracks, like, and if you feel like you're never gonna find anyone and there's no one out there for you, then you might have a really hard time finding someone.

Shawna:

You are right. If you tell yourself that you are gonna prove yourself, right? So change your narrative, change your narrative.

Bethany:

Yes,

Shawna:

like that. This has been such a great conversation. I can't believe our time has flown by, is there anything else you wanted to add to this as we're trying to wrap up this part of our conversation?

Bethany:

I do. Yeah. I just had one thing kind of pop into my head based on what you said. Um, I feel like there's this myth of the one, the soulmate, your soulmate there. One person out there for you. There's only one soul made that you can ever be happy with. And I just wanna say, like, I just don't think that's true. I think there's multiple people that can be compatible with you that you can be in alignment with. I also think there's phases and seasons of our lives and you know, my partner that I was married to for 18 years, just because our relationship ended, it doesn't mean it was a failure and he was right for me for a certain time of my life, but I wasn't supposed to be with him for my entire life. So I feel like we can have multiple people, multiple soulmates, whatever you wanna call them, multiple partners. Um, there's just this myth that there's only the one person out there for us. And I just wanna say, I don't think that's true. That's another limiting belief, right? Don't let that stop you from feeling like you can't find anyone cuz it's just not true.

Shawna:

Yes. And I have an amazing person in my life who I am so grateful for. I didn't realize this was possible. And once I found it, my mind is blown and I've had too many people say to me like you have that, but that doesn't exist, but for you, and I'm like, no, this is an example that if you change your mind, like, I change my mind. You can have exactly this. This can be exactly what you have. You just had to believe it's possible. That's all I had to do. It just took me a lot longer than I would've liked to take me to believe this is possible. But once I did, this is what I got and yes, you can have exactly this. So don't look at this and go, oh, look what Shawna found. Say, oh, I'm gonna get me some of that.

Bethany:

yeah. I'm next. I'm next. She found that I'm so happy for her. I'm gonna take that happiness and feel into that and realize that I'm next.

Shawna:

exactly. So, yeah. So Bethany found it. Shawna found it. You find it.

Bethany:

Yes.

Shawna:

You decide the relationship you want, you manifest it. That's, that's how that works. So, what is something that they can walk away tomorrow and implement and put into their life that they can take away from what we've talked about today? I think that probably going to take the love language quiz, if they haven't or reflect on that in their relationship is one thing they can take away. Is there something else you want them to take away from this?

Bethany:

Yeah, really stop and get honest with yourself and ask yourself, what are the stories you're telling yourself about love and relationships.

Shawna:

Hmm mm-hmm

Bethany:

Yeah. You've probably had some crappy relationships in the past that maybe you're not proud of. And you don't wanna repeat and ask yourself like, well, what was my role in that? How did I affect that relationship? How can I affect my next relationship? And what are the beliefs I have about myself that ultimately are a reflection of the person that I attracted to my life?

Shawna:

Yes. And what do I believe about relationships that made it take that path? I love that. That is great. Those are great takeaways. All right, that's perfect. And then for self care, what is things that you do to take care of yourself?

Bethany:

Yes, self care for me. I need alone time. I need time by myself. Like quiet time to just recharge. I love going out in nature. Um, earlier when I was talking about going to the river to meditate, like I love being alone, going down to the river, being out in nature. and then also for me, just making sure that I am eating well and exercising and taking care of my body. And so that I'm feeling my best, cuz when I'm at my best, I can help everyone around me to be their best self as well.

Shawna:

That's wonderful. So those are great, great ways to take care of yourself. I love that. I think that examples and reminders are good. So that's why every week we ask our guests to tell us what they do. And we also, as part of our work here at The Grit Show is we actually have a series of coloring books that we just have getting started, their, the color of Grit, and we give our guests a free copy of the coloring books so that you can add that to your arsenal of self care items. So you get to choose. Would you like a copy? There's two of them. One of them is the vintage mermaid and magnificent ocean. And the other one is you've got this, which is inspirational quotes and sayings. So which of those would you like a copy of?

Bethany:

Definitely the mermaid in the ocean.

Shawna:

mermaid. It is, it is so far that has been the most popular one. So I'm excited about that. So we will definitely get you a copy of that. So you can, you can utilize that and as our guests want to get in touch with you, because they're excited about the work that you do, what is the best way for them to find you?

Bethany:

Yes, you can find me. Instagram. I am BethanyAnnCoach. I also have a Facebook group. If you would like to join the Facebook group, go in the groups function and search divorced moms date without apps.

Shawna:

There you go divorced mom's date without apps. I like it. And we will have links to those in the show notes. So thank you again, Bethany so much for being here.

Bethany:

Yes. Thank you for having me. I've really enjoyed our conversation.

Shawna:

Yes, it's great I love that you brought up the five love languages, cuz I definitely wanted to chat about that. So that is great. For all of you out there. Thank you for being here as well. Don't forget to jump on over to The Grit Show dot com to snag yourself some of our free coloring pages and work them into your self care routine. And in case someone hasn't already told you today, you are an incredible human and have a lot to offer. You are bringing value to this world. You are the only one of you that this world has got, and that means something.