Money Beliefs & Balance - Holiday Conversations w/Shelley Meche'tte - 23

November 22, 2022 Shawna Rodrigues / Shelley Meche'tte Season 1 Episode 23
Money Beliefs & Balance - Holiday Conversations w/Shelley Meche'tte - 23
Show Notes Transcript

What is your relationship like with money? Do you treat yourself or feel guilty about it? Shelley talks about money belief systems growing up and how it's challenging to create new ones as an adult. We talk about balancing it all out (especially during the holidays) and treating yourself because you absolutely deserve it, while still noting the importance of a budget.

Your Purpose Success and Confidence Coach Shelley Meche’tte is a Certified Life Purpose Coach, Int’l Speaker and Best-Selling Author. Shelley Meche’tte is extremely passionate and dedicated to the empowerment of busy stay-at-home-moms. She is the founder of the women’s organization, The PowHERful Woman. She helps women break-free from the frustrations of living a “same thing…different day” life-to unleashing their unstoppable and authentic happiness by discovering and pursuing their dreams in confidence. Some of her features include CBS, NBC, ABC, The CW, Yahoo, Bustle, Bakersfield News, Out Loud with Claudia Jordan, Peace of Mind with Taraji P. Henson, ShondaLand and more. Shelley is the author of the books “70 Days of Happy” and “PowHER Minds”. She’s also a Best Selling co-author of the book “Women Inspiring Nations.” Shelley Meche’tte is an ordained minister who's been married since 2002 and is the mother of two amazing Legacies (daughters).

In this episode, Shelley has creative tips on sticking to your budget around the holidays (um… delegate!), managing it all as a mother, and not losing yourself in the process. Thank you for being a part of our community.

Episode Timeline: 

02:27 Money Mindset and where it comes from 

04:08 Sew the holes in your undies, or learn to treat yourself?

12:30 Financial responsibility and balance

17:14 Stuck in our mindset - budgets and perfectionism

22:32 Focus on Making Memories

26:19 Strategies around gift giving 

40:00 Self Care Spotlight - Holiday Self Care

47:15 Shelley’s Free Guide - 5 Ways to Rediscover YOU After Motherhood

Connect with Shelley

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We also mentioned Shelley’s Free Guide:
PowHERful Purpose - 5 Ways to Rediscover YOU After Motherhood

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We appreciate your patience with today’s transcript. As we finalize vendors, we are experimenting with different providers and systems. Not all are created equally. We are excited to find the best system and services in the end, but there will be examples (such as this), of things with varying hiccups as we figure it out. 

[00:00:00] Shelley: When we think about money management, oftentimes we think of finances, but managing finances doesn’t begin with money. It begins with our thoughts about money. Manage your mind, space, and time properly, and the money will always follow.

[00:00:15] Shawna: Those words are straight from today’s guest, Shelley Meche’tte.

[00:00:19] Shawna: And let me tell you, they’re just the tip of the iceberg. You are in for a treat because there is a lot more. Where they came from. As we enter the holiday season and get ready for the new year, I thought Shelley was the perfect guest for us to all connect with. 

[00:00:34] Shawna: Welcome to The Grit Show, growth on Purpose.

[00:00:38] Shawna: I’m glad you found us. I’m Shawna Rodrigues and I’m honored to be leading you on today’s journey as part of this community of seekers and thrivers growing together. I hope you stick around. I think you get a lot from today’s conversation. 

[00:00:52] Shawna: A certified life purpose, success, and confidence coach, Shelley Meche’tte is extremely passionate and dedicated to the empowerment of women [00:01:00] through personal and professional development, an international empowerment speaker. She is the founder of the Women’s organization, the Powerful Woman. Shelley has been prolific in her work and featured in multiple places from CBS, NBC, ABC, the CW Yahoo Bustle. Bakersfield News out loud with Claudia Jordan, Peace of Mind with Taraji p Henson ShondaLand and more. You can see the longer list in the show notes. Shelley specializes in decluttering the thoughts of her clients connecting their gifts and talents to their passions.

[00:01:31] Shawna: She helps women break free from the frustrations of living, same thing, different day life, to unleashing their unstoppable and authentic happiness by discovering and pursuing their dreams and confidence. In 2021, she was even named one of the top 25 business women by Courageous Women Magazine. Shelley is the author of the book 70 Days of Happy- Life is Better When You Smile, and PowHER Minds reflective thoughts designed for the everyday power woman and her [00:02:00] legacies. She’s a bestselling co-author of the book, Woman Inspiring Nations. Shelley Meche’tte is also an ordained minister who’s been married since 2002 and is the mother of two amazing legacies. Daughters and is very passionate about working with mothers.

[00:02:16] Shawna: Welcome, Shelley. 

[00:02:18] Shelley: Oh, thank you so much. I’m so excited to be here. 

[00:02:22] Shawna: Oh, too.

[00:02:22] Shawna: I’m so glad it worked out. I’m excited for our topic 

[00:02:25] Shelley: goodness. I’m excited... 

[00:02:27] Shawna: So, I would love to dive right in on money. Can you tell us a little more about some of the misconceptions people have around money? 

[00:02:35] Shelley: You know, I really feel like the largest conception around money is how we look at that money.

[00:02:42] Shelley: And the reason I say that is, let me give you just a really, really quick story just of myself. I grew up with a single mom. She got married when I was about 12 years old. And every single week, my mom would sit down, and she would do bills. My mom is very, very, um, organized. She’s a budgeter, you know, [00:03:00] everything is ABC, which is one of the things that I love, that I learned from her.

[00:03:04] Shelley: And she never set me down and said, this is what you do. This is how you budget. But just watching her, I watched her do a checkbook and, and she just really taught me a lot without saying a word about money. But what happened? When I would ask her, hey, can we do this or can we, you know, go here, or blah, blah, blah.

[00:03:22] Shelley: She would, um, say, you know, well, you know, there’s no money for that. Money is for this, this, this, you know, and basically money was for your needs. Money was for things take care of you. And then if there was, some extra. You know, you put part of that away for savings because you don’t want to run into any type of issues and when you do, you wanna have something you can fall back on.

[00:03:44] Shelley: But what that did for my mindset, mm-hmm. of money is number one. It made me very organized, and it made me very meticulate when it came to where my money goes. I definitely believe that money is supposed to bring a service back to you. Mm-hmm... [00:04:00] That definitely was number one. But number two, it made me very self-conscious about doing anything for me.

[00:04:08] Shelley: Mm-hmm. and I do mean anything. So, you know, when my undies got holes in them, I learned how to sew and you know, you just sew and

[00:04:17] Shawna: comfortable, very comfortable sew. And underwear 

[00:04:19] Shelley: is very comfortable just on the side, right?? Yes. I mean, it has to be to the point of where you just can’t step in ‘em anymore because now in my mind it’s a need and it’s not frivolous. So, when I began to, to make, you know, money and walk in my purpose and, and wanna treat myself, my idea of treating myself would, you know, be a dollar 50 ice cream cone or something like that. But if I thought about treating myself to a really nice $15 or $20 lipstick I got scared. I got scared because I’m like, well, you’re being frivolous. Well, you’re, you’re not doing money management. Well, you’re not laying out, you know, is this a real need? And what I had to [00:05:00] do is I had to understand that. My money habit was connected to my money mind, and in this case, I could not separate the fact that it’s okay for you to enjoy.

[00:05:12] Shelley: What are you working for? Yeah. You know, everything is set up for you. You’re a responsible person. Your kids are taken care of, everything is taken care of and all. It’s OK to have some lipstick. Mm-hmm, it’s right. Yes. Yes. But I didn’t think that that was all. And so, when I say that I believe that money is connected to how we view money, this is what I’m talking about.

[00:05:37] Shelley: It’s not that I, I had a lack mentality. But there was a fear, um, connected to it, saying, now you know, you shouldn’t do this. Now why? You know, there, there was that back of the mind going now, uh, this is being frivolous. You know, you’re not, you’re not spending wisely. Well, part of life is enjoying life.

[00:05:59] Shelley: Yes. [00:06:00] And being able to, to vacation when you want and being. Go out to dinner when you want. Be being able to spice up your wardrobe. When you have a better mindset, you understand that money works on both sides to care for your needs. That’s number one. Mm-hmm. to care for your needs and then to live. And so, we need to find an equal mental balance for that so that we’re able to live both sides without that nagging that I had in the back of my head as though I was doing something wrong.

[00:06:33] Shawna: Yes. That makes very good sense. So how did you get to the point where you could balance that out? Like, how did you change that mindset? 

[00:06:40] Shelley: You know what? It’s very interesting. My children really help me twist that. So, mind you, I had this mindset growing up and so I’m in my adulthood.

[00:06:50] Shelley: Mm-hmm. by now with children, and I’m still going, Nope, you don’t do this. Okay. Well, you know, and again, I’m not opposed to [00:07:00] saving, making your money work, right? I do all of those things, but there shouldn’t be a thing of, oh no, I don’t deserve to get, to get the name brand Cheerios. You know, don’t, don’t do that because then you can save, you know, 45 cents over here.

[00:07:14] Shelley: Spend that 45 cents. But it was really my children because I was a stay-at-home mom and I did pour a lot of myself and, of course, a lot of my finances, you know, into my home, into my children. Yeah. And I remember we, we were going out, and they weren’t small, but they were probably in that like tween Age or something.

[00:07:36] Shelley: And I remember going, man, I would really like to get this. I think it was a shirt or something. And I was like, man, I would really like to get this. And my kids literally were like, so get it. And I was like, oh no, I would, I would never do that. I would never just buy a shirt. That’s, you know, you don’t do that.

[00:07:53] Shelley: You know, you guys will need shoes, you’ll need this, you need that. And then my mind goes, they probably could have had an extra [00:08:00] $10 had you not spent 15 on that. And my, I think it was my oldest daughter who looked at me and she said; you work hard, and you are a great mom, and you always put everybody first.

[00:08:11] Shelley: You deserve to do things for yourself. Mm-hmm., and I was just like, it was that word deserve. I had never looked at it; I had never said it, even though those were the thoughts. Mm-hmm, I had never said like, you don’t deserve it. Because I think I felt like, hey, I work, I should be able to get what I want. But hearing her say it, I was like, oh.

[00:08:36] Shelley: So, I don’t have to need it. It, it was something about this young child looking at me saying, you work hard, you’re always doing for others. You deserve to be able. And it almost kind of broke my heart, and I know it seems really crazy, but it almost kind of like broke my heart. Like, do you not think that, that you’re, you’re worth a [00:09:00] $15 shirt?

[00:09:01] Shelley: And I had to bring all of these things and you know, into perspective and go, it’s not 100% that you don’t think you’re worth it or that you don’t deserve it, but you were taught that you never purchase out of want. Mm-hmm. And here is where the disconnect is. And so, I literally started not just buying anything, but when I saw something that I really wanted, I literally had to challenge myself.

[00:09:29] Shelley: To buy it. And it sounds crazy. It really does. It sounds like what 

[00:09:36] Shawna: No, I think there’s that element of this joy that like you can get from those things and, and that balance of not going overboard where you’re spending money that you don’t have. At the same time. But not like denying ‘cause almost because punishing yourself, right?

[00:09:51] Shawna: Extent and not allowing yourself to have things. 

[00:09:54] Shelley: Not allowing yourself to have and, and for. And so, I had to be able to [00:10:00] say, you can buy things that you want and it’s okay. What that meant is, your mom was wrong, and my mom is just not gonna be wrong

[00:10:09] Shelley: You know what I’m saying? Yeah. So, then there was that whole emotional association of, well, your mother, she can’t be wrong because she’s, you know, she does this well and this well, and she’s amazing with money and she’s created a home and she’s done this. And she was an impeccable single mom, so she knows what she’s talking about.

[00:10:27] Shelley: So, she can’t be wrong having to disconnect. That belief system. Mm-hmm. was also a process. Mm-hmm, because I had to realize that she did an amazing job with the source that she had, with the thoughts that she had, with the ability that she had, with the belief system that she had. That doesn’t mean I need to carry it.

[00:10:50] Shelley: Yeah. 

[00:10:51] Shawna: Yeah. And I think that all of us have messages about money that affect us in different ways. Mm-hmm. and reflecting on those, I think that I might have had a [00:11:00] different, like almost the opposite, whereas my mom was big on. Gifts and getting them. And so, for her, she felt restricted a lot because she did have a budget and had to keep to a budget.

[00:11:10] Shawna: But she would sneak those little things in. And I love this, mom forgive me up in heaven watching over me for telling people these things. But She had a budget. My dad got paid once a month and there was a budget for grocery shopping and there was four of us kids, and money was tight, but we went grocery shopping.

[00:11:24] Shawna: She would sometimes get a little knick-knack because, we had a show on love languages and so people heard me talk about my mom and love languages, and hers was definitely. Gifts was one of hers. And so, she would get like the little knickknack that’s part of the grocery bill ‘because we had to sneak it in somewhere, because for her, that was like, she didn’t feel worthy.

[00:11:43] Shawna: And that was her way of making her, like those little gifts were her way making her. So, she’d find ways to sneak it in. And so, as I became successful, she would always tell me to get the thing, get the thing, get the thing. And so, it was like, okay, I’m successful. I should be able to buy anything I want because I’m successful.

[00:11:59] Shawna: That’s not [00:12:00] how budgets work. But that’s not. Right. That’s not how it works. And so, I have like this opposite thing of like, oh, I’m successful. I should be able to, oh, no, no. That’s not how it works. That’s not how it works. And yeah. And so, it’s, it’s so interesting about like examining the messages that we have with mm-hmm.

[00:12:16] Shawna: with money. And I have, and I’ll say a relative, so it, does it go to any specific relative that I have a relative that I think that they are like, I should deserve things, and they spend things, and they don’t have. Still have that message that they still do things and don’t stop and say, no, like I can’t afford this.

[00:12:30] Shawna: I gotta save up for this. Because they don’t have the budgeting mindset. And so, it’s so interesting, these balances of like going from like generationally where their next generation is probably gonna overly budget because they went without, because money got spent on things that shouldn’t be spent. You know what I mean?

[00:12:45] Shawna: Yeah. That type of thing. 

[00:12:47] Shelley: And. That, that balance is, is sometimes really tough to find, you know, to be able to say, I don’t wanna tip over too far because I don’t wanna become, you know, irresponsible financially, but I still wanna [00:13:00] be able to enjoy my, my life. You know, life is short. I wanna be able to have certain things, do certain things.

[00:13:07] Shelley: Mm. And so being able to find that balance of not tipping over, you know, too much either way. That’s a job in itself. Yes. That’s a job. Yes. And that’s why I always say to people, we we’re always looking at money management going, let’s allocate money here. Let’s allocate money. That there really is no proper allocation until we understand.

[00:13:29] Shelley: Yeah. What’s our thought? Mm-hmm, where this is concerned. What are our beliefs where this is concerned? You know, what did I grow up thinking? 

[00:13:36] Shawna: Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:37] Shelley: you know, if you grew up and you didn’t have a lot of money, sometimes that money gives you a certain amount of pride and you become a person who you work, work, work, work, work, and you never enjoy because you have a scarcity mindset and you’re so scared that I’m never gonna have anything again, that I can’t even enjoy what I do have.

[00:13:52] Shelley: So being able to find that balance really starts with what were the belief systems. [00:14:00] That you grew up with? Which ones have you held onto and why is it that you’re going in the financial direction that you are? 

[00:14:07] Shawna: Yes. And how you can reevaluate that 

[00:14:09] Shelley: and how you can reevaluate 

[00:14:10] Shawna: that. Exactly. Is that something that you’ve done work with women on helping them look at their mindsets around that?

[00:14:15] Shawna: Or what are some common mindsets you see? 

[00:14:17] Shelley: Absolutely. And because I work so much with, with moms and I work a lot with stay-at-home moms, budget is a huge deal. Mm-hmm, there’s usually one person, you know, who’s working, and the money is coming in consistently. But a lot of the moms, you know, they have businesses that they’re trying to get off the ground or you know, they have hobbies that they wanna turn into business.

[00:14:41] Shelley: But there is a budget that we have to stay within. You know, and we have to learn how to make everything balance out. Our goals, our dreams, our career mindset, and the actual funding of that and all that have to be budgeted.

[00:14:58] Shelley: Because you still to [00:15:00] run a household. Yes, yes. People still wanna eat. 

[00:15:04] Shawna: Yeah. My mom was the queen. So, I still have a dear friend of mine who has multiple kids and she used to envy my mom had a menu, there would be a menu on the fridge. Cause when she went grocery shopping, which again is probably how she had those quarters of dimes to nest away and get the cute little knickknack on the fridge was the meals for the entire month.

[00:15:21] Shawna: Mm-hmm. because she had to buy all of her groceries all at once and she would stick to that and do that ‘cause the only way we would have food on day 27. Was because she had written down, we Hot dog and Macs and cheese and that was on the menu and we Yes, it was on that menu so that food would still be there at the end. ‘Because she was so good at making sure she made it all happen and bought all the food that one paycheck a month that came in. 

[00:15:45] Shelley: So, yeah. So did your mom know. So, they, you they should hang out. Yeah. You know, you know my, my mom is still here, but where, where did they cross paths?

[00:15:56] Shelley: They might have, they might have literally that is how, that’s how my mother was. My [00:16:00] mother worked for the school board, so she got paid once a month. and she literally laid out every single day. She did bill pretty much every week, or that’s how I remember it, you know, so she would lay everything out for bills, so she would literally, lay out every single thing that we’re gonna have. And she did it by the week. So, I don’t know where she was pulling, you know, this other stuff from, because she went grocery shopping. If it wasn’t once a week, it was every other week, but it was laid out.

[00:16:25] Shelley: This is what we’re gonna have, these are the snacks. And she was adamant about it. You could eat up all the peaches in one day if you want to. Cause she was. But that’s all I asked. She was. She was like, but there will be no more peaches. Yes, 

[00:16:39] Shawna: exactly. Yes. Yeah. 

[00:16:40] Shelley: So, she’s like, so I suggest you learn how to, how to limit your appetite.

[00:16:48] Shelley: And that’s one of those things that I carried into my family though, really being able to say, this is what we’re, what the budget is, this is what we’re gonna eat. This is the food that we’re laying out, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it really [00:17:00] did help me. So, like I said, there’s so many wonderful things that came from my mom and her mindset and her discipline and her organization, and all of these things came without her literally saying, and then so did the other side.

[00:17:14] Shelley: Mm-hmm. of me feeling like you can never not follow this. I remember me and my husband, like literally are in the grocery store, and we pretty much got into this huge argument because I was so stuck on, here’s the list, and this is what you do. Oh my God, Shawna, when I tell you, we’re in the fruit area, right?

[00:17:34] Shelley: And he’s like, so I can’t get a plum

[00:17:41] Shelley: And we’re like really going back and forth and I’m like, it’s not on the,

[00:17:49] Shelley: and he’s like, so take up a off and put a, you just have that out. When I tell you, we had the craziest argument in a [00:18:00] store about that, and I had to sit back and after we had this huge argument, I sat back and I was like, now did that make sense? 

[00:18:09] Shawna: Whose voices were those? 

[00:18:11] Shelley: I’m like, it’s your list. You can switch it up.

[00:18:15] Shelley: But I have been so conditioned. Mm-hmm. to go, you write a list, you go to the store, you do this, and this is what fits in in the line and this is what fits. And you don’t, you know, you don’t deviate. And I’m like, who? Who says that you can’t deviate from the list that you created as long as you’re staying within the guidelines of what you need.

[00:18:40] Shelley: Mm-hmm. and what’s gonna be financially good. Mm-hmm. for your family. But I had to go, girl. I had to go back and apologize. I had to be like, yes, you can have plums. 

[00:18:51] Shawna: Yes, plums are allowed. That’s too funny. 

[00:18:55] Shelley: But it was a huge lesson for me, and it was. Yes, this is [00:19:00] great. This is fine. It’s fine for you to make this list to stick to it.

[00:19:03] Shelley: Does it help you know you with your budget? Yes. But if you see that there’s a sale on orange juice it, you’re not gonna die if you go ahead and get the orange juice and it wasn’t on the list. It was just such a wakeup call. I couldn’t believe that we had spent 10 minutes in the grocery store arguing because he wanted plums and it wasn’t on the list.

[00:19:24] Shelley: Yes, 

[00:19:25] Shawna: yes. That’s awesome. I like when we can, we can learn from those 

[00:19:30] Shelley: things. Right, right. I, you know, I haven’t done that again, y’all, I, I haven’t done that again. 

[00:19:36] Shawna: There’s now some more flexibility. 

[00:19:37] Shelley: Yes. Yeah. I’m, I’m flexible with the list. 

[00:19:40] Shawna: That works. So as we look at the holidays coming up, I do make a list if I’m having people for Thanksgiving dinner, ‘cause you know, there’s a lot to figure out that meal’s complicated.

[00:19:50] Shawna: Yes. But absolutely. When it comes to holiday dinners and guests and parties and gifts, like what are your thoughts and recommendations for people around [00:20:00] navigating all of this and their money mindsets? 

[00:20:02] Shelley: You know, for me personally and what I really believe is that, again, when it comes to the holidays, and especially on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day, because those are the two days that we usually of course have our family over, you know, I don’t care if it’s an extra four people, that’s extra money.

[00:20:18] Shelley: Mm-hmm. . And so what you really need to do is set a real budget to say, this is the amount of money that I. Towards this particular day, I only have, you know, $800 for food for Thanksgiving Day, and so I need to create a menu. Around the $800, the $500, whatever it is. And when you, if you see that, okay, the menu that I have is going to exceed that.

[00:20:47] Shelley: I love this little word that, you know, we hate to, to do. It’s called Delegate . Yes. Say to the family, Hey, this is the menu. I have A, B, C, and D [00:21:00] covered, and these are the dishes that we need. Which one of you will be willing to bring that? Mm-hmm. , there’s, we, we tend to think that just because we’re hosting that we have to do every single thing.

[00:21:13] Shelley: You’re the host, but are you the only one eating? Mm-hmm. , last time I checked, everybody gets to eat. Mm-hmm. . So then why can’t it’s family time, right? Is the time for family to come together. So why can’t we come together on all areas? Mm-hmm. . So here’s the budget and here’s the menu. That I’ve created around the budget, is there something else that maybe someone wants to add to it?

[00:21:37] Shelley: So, you know, we need to be able to come together and make this budget happen and make this, you know, this wonderful menu happen as well. When I decided to delegate, life became so much easier. It became a potluck. Mm-hmm. for, you know, for my Thanksgivings and, and Christmases. 

[00:21:57] Shawna: Yeah. And that’s what it needs to be.

[00:21:59] Shawna: We’re all going to [00:22:00] have. Because that I can make for this budget and feed all of you guys and still attend to everyone. Yes or yes, I can make this wonderful pot roast or this wonderful ham or this wonderful Turkey. Yes. And you’re bringing rolls and you’re bringing pie and you’re bringing a salad and you bringing this and you’re bringing that and then, and you’re bringing drinks and you’re bringing disposable plates.

[00:22:22] Shawna: ‘cause I’m not doing dishes. 

[00:22:23] Shelley: Yes. Cause I’m not getting ready to be. And I already got pots to wash. I’m not washing. To Exactly, 

[00:22:29] Shawna: exactly. We can definitely find a way to make it all work. And you’re bringing the napkins and 

[00:22:32] Shelley: you’re bringing Exactly. I think that number one is less. on us. It’s like we take on so much stress during the holidays because I feel like we wanna create perfection and really we should just be creating memories.

[00:22:46] Shelley: Yes, and there’s no perfection in memories. Some of the funnest memories, if you look at things that happen, you know, as a kid or things like that, some of your funnest memories are things that when someone accidentally dropped this or this happened, [00:23:00] or the dog, you know, lapped up this when he wasn’t supposed to.

[00:23:03] Shelley: Memories are just created. with life activities. Mm-hmm. , and none of those things are perfect. Memories are us sitting down laughing at things that make no sense. Finding out, you know, how your month was, how your year was, because sometimes we’re not seeing these people for an entire year. Mm-hmm. , you know, because they live in different areas.

[00:23:22] Shelley: So I don’t think we need to be so focused on perfection and having this huge amount of food, and let me make sure that we, you know, that we definitely have Pepsi and, and you know, and don’t have that. Mm-hmm. . Let’s focus more on here’s the budget and we’re gonna create a menu around the budget because the goal of the day is to enjoy one another.

[00:23:47] Shelley: Reframe our goal. Mm-hmm. , what do 

[00:23:50] Shawna: we wanna get out 

[00:23:50] Shelley: of it? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. What do you wanna get out of it? 

[00:23:54] Shawna: Yes. I did realize though, going, we talked beforehand about going into family realm and [00:24:00] here I still am going into it , but with my family, I did realize at one point in time the importance of. You know, hangry people needing food and the importance of food

[00:24:10] Shawna: And we have our holiday tradition for Christmas because my mother was gifts, right. Her love language is gifts. And so we would, we all take turns opening presents and as the family gets larger, it can take a long time. Mm-hmm. for everyone to open guests and so, Food doesn’t happen. Everything gets pushed back and takes a long time.

[00:24:28] Shawna: And so I finally like realized this at some point in time, a number of years ago, and so decided like having something for people to eat became a priority for our family. Celebrates Christmas. So for Christmas to have that available. And a couple years ago we were coming down and traveling and I’m like, I can’t do a big dinner, a big anything.

[00:24:45] Shawna: And so I just. Made simple like egg casserole. And I might have, I didn’t even, and cinnamon rolls. Cause my dad love cinnamon rolls, I think. So it was egg casserole and cinnamon rolls. Easy peasy breakfast bit so everyone could eat immediately. [00:25:00] Soon. Just go serve yourself like food. Oh, and we didn’t do. A big dinner.

[00:25:04] Shawna: But the funny thing was, was that my, um, fiancé and I were staying at like a Airbnb or a hotel ‘cause we were down visiting and we went back and we went to get food on the, you know, on the way to hotel. Nothing was open . So he and I didn’t get anything for dinner cause there was no, I know to get food for dinner.

[00:25:22] Shawna: And so I was like, I guess this isn’t a good idea. Not do dinner for the family cause then we don’t eat. Cause I’m like, we had snacks with us. That’s like, and even the grocery store was closed because they closed like two or three on Christmas or whatever else. It was so funny ‘cause like there was no food.

[00:25:36] Shawna: I feel like somehow that got resolved, but I don’t remember how, I just remember like we kept driving like to off the, trying to find another fast food, find another grocery store and nothing was open. Okay. Apparently my solution , right? Not making dinner for everyone was not a good solution. But yes, I was like, maybe we should go back to my dad’s house and just get and just get some of the leftover casserole that’s [00:26:00] there.

[00:26:01] Shawna: But yeah, but doing things like that of like fine, he’s like with objective yes. Casserole and, and cinnamon rolls. Possibly from my can, I don’t remember. I might have, I may have made them from scratch before I left town, 

[00:26:11] Shelley: and it sounds delicious. Easy. Easy. It sounds the life of, but that’s the thing. Let’s make things easier on ourselves.

[00:26:19] Shelley: Mm-hmm. and not just, you know, let’s make things easier on our budget. Let’s make things easier, you know, on our emotions. Let’s make things easier on our body. We don’t have to stress ourselves as much. As we do, and you were talking about gifts because it can get to be so many. What we do is everybody gets to open one.

[00:26:39] Shelley: You just get to open one, and then you gotta take all the rest of that home and y’all enjoy that at home. Mm-hmm. , and then you could do that. But just, just little, just little things, fun things. You know, even with Christmas, we spend so much money. Mm-hmm. at Christmas time and what I. Is being able to do things that are just, [00:27:00] you know, a little easier on the pocketbook.

[00:27:03] Shelley: Drawing names like you were, um, speaking about drawing names. We used to do that because we had a, a really, really, you know, big family. People have moved to different areas now, but at one time it was like 20 of us and. People trying to buy gifts for all of those. That’s a lot. And so we would draw names, and then within my immediate family, we would make a list.

[00:27:23] Shelley: We still do a list of, you know, maybe the top three to five things that you would like, and I’m able to draw from that. Or we’ll say, Hey, this year, you know, especially like during C it’s like this year, you know, let’s like mm-hmm. this year. Mm-hmm. , you know, let’s put a cap on this and say, you know, let’s, um, let’s do $20 or $25.

[00:27:41] Shelley: Or let’s do things where, you know, there it’s just not as difficult on the budget. Yeah. Because again, at the end of the day, it’s not about the amount that I’m spending on you. Mm-hmm. , a gift is supposed to be something that is done out of love, out of kindness, out of wanting to give. And so we’re putting [00:28:00] a monetary value on things when a lot of times, We all like some of the simpler things that you took time to really just think about me.

[00:28:09] Shelley: You could have gone out and purchased a $9 book for all I Care, but it was one of the greatest books that I’ve ever read and I’m always talking about it and you found it, you know? Mm-hmm. at a garage sale or, you know, whatever it is. We, we don’t have to put that value on the dollar. Mm-hmm. , you know, but put that value on what we’re doing for someone else.

[00:28:32] Shelley: Yeah. And how it’s gonna make them feel. Yeah, 

[00:28:36] Shawna: finding that way to be about that and a lot of times too, like experiences, I’ve heard that more than once can be a good investment for gifts versus more things for people. 

[00:28:46] Shelley: Yes, absolutely. One of the things that I would like to do, you know, and if my family wanna go ahead and, and pay for me to go, I’d be very happy.

[00:28:54] Shelley: I wanna do indoor rock climbing. And I wanna do indoor skydiving. And [00:29:00] so, you know, if my family came together and said, we gonna put in a little this and a little that so you can go skydiving, that would be wonderful. In fact, they did that. I really wanted some, uh, my birthday is right around Christmas and so for my birthday I’m like, you know, I really want some hugs.

[00:29:13] Shelley: I’m gonna go get me some hugs. So for, for, uh, my birthday actually, everyone just chipped in and said, Here’s birthday money, happy birthday. Go get your hugs. Yes. Little things like that, you know, it takes that burden. Mm-hmm. off of you financially, you know, so especially when Christmas come around, go in with other people with gifts.

[00:29:34] Shelley: Mm-hmm. to make it easier on you have a list where you can pick some things, put a, put a cap. We’re not gonna spend. Or do you know if possible do family gifts? If you have a, a, you know, a, a sister and she has two children and a husband, do a family gift, something that the family. Can benefit from 

[00:29:56] Shawna: and can enjoy it together.

[00:29:57] Shawna: Yeah, that’s a great idea. Definitely. [00:30:00] And definitely there’s all those after holiday sales as well, so I love it. You know? Yeah. 

[00:30:04] Shelley: I love it. We did. I love the Christmas shop after Thanksgiving and after, after Halloween. I love the Christmas shop after Halloween too. , 

[00:30:12] Shawna: there you go. All those deals. Yes. Yeah. One year my dad and I worked together when I was living in Boston, and the gift was, he and I helped.

[00:30:21] Shawna: The plane tickets for everyone to come to Boston for Christmas so we could all be there together. But after paying for plane tickets for everyone, there wasn’t a lot left over. And so we basically, that was the experience was all of us being together in Boston for the holidays together. And so that was what everyone’s gift was to do that.

[00:30:37] Shawna: And I think we might have gotten each other a little, literally $10. Yeah, made on things. It was like $10 gifts for the drawing the name. So there was a little something to open on Christmas, but it was the experience of us all being exactly 

[00:30:48] Shelley: in New England. And of course I would remember that and be like, Hey, that was like the greatest, you know?

[00:30:54] Shelley: So it’s okay for us to think outside of the box and, and like you’re saying, you know, everything doesn’t [00:31:00] have to have the dollar sign to it. That right there, the experience. Amazing. 

[00:31:05] Shawna: Yes. Yes. And we talked too earlier about the family that I was close to when I was in college. They had this brilliant idea of, at Grandma’s house they had jars.

[00:31:14] Shawna: So they also did the name drawing like we talked about, but they had baby food jars at grandma’s house that had people wrote down what they wanted. And it might be, I remember one year was a belt somebody, the belt was their thing on. Their list, but they put on a little piece of paper, the same size pieces of paper, wrote down the things that they wanted, and that way you could go get the thing out of the jar at Grandma’s house so they wouldn’t know what you were getting them.

[00:31:37] Shawna: I love it. You could have, you know, under $25 gifts, under $4 gifts on that little list at Grandma’s house, so people could go there and you draw names, and then you go to the jar and you draw what you’re gonna. Somebody. So I love it like that too. I might steal grandma’s idea. You can go for it. You can go for it.

[00:31:53] Shawna: I think that’s a great thing. I think the type of, I love that family projects like that when you be creative too. Cause [00:32:00] again, a lot of times you’re just trying to come up with things and you buy something and then they have one more thing they don’t necessarily need and it’s, and it becomes like the, the burden of of getting something for somebody instead of Exactly.

[00:32:10] Shelley: Yeah, exactly. I totally agree. Totally. Yes. 

[00:32:15] Hopefully 

[00:32:15] Shawna: everyone listening is like, oh yes, we love these ideas, . Hopefully they agree too. definitely. Cause getting the mindset of it being about the experiences and mm-hmm. past, not just buying and spending the money, but why are we doing and we’re connecting and wanting people to feel special and unique and be part of the family.

[00:32:34] Shawna: Yes. And not being in the hustle and the bustle and the doing because you’re supposed to and Right. Trying to find the reasons. 

[00:32:40] Shelley: I wish we could get out of that mindset that I’m doing it because I, I have to do, it’s Christmas, so Oh my gosh. I have, it sends you into the holiday. So unhappy. Mm-hmm. , you know, it, it sends you in there with so much pressure, oh, I have to do this or I have to do that, and oh my gosh, no.

[00:32:56] Shelley: Let’s take that off. This is an opportunity and [00:33:00] it’s an opportunity to give and reciprocate to make one another, feel, feel special and loved and cared for, and that. No financial, you know where it has to be this, but I’m telling you, I’m gonna take that e experience. I absolutely love. I love that. When my kids were, were very small, you know, I used to buy, you know, little, just little tiny things for them for Christmas.

[00:33:24] Shelley: They just want stuff to open up. They don’t care. But you know, We would buy coloring books and, and crayons and things like that for them. And then we would take time to color together. Mm-hmm. . So, you know, on, on Christmas we color together or we make cookies together. You know, each year they would look forward to picking out cookies and, you know, and it was just a little Pillsbury cookie, but , but they

[00:33:47] Shelley: Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm. what they thought it was the greatest thing. We would go, you know, you just go get your cookies, we’ll make the cookies, make the house smell, you know, really fabulous. But [00:34:00] little things create the experiences and the memories, and that’s the goal, to be able to be with your family and love your family.

[00:34:10] Shawna: Yes. Yeah, I think before, um, COVID, the Christmas before Covid, I had a couple that we were friends with. We had them over for dinner and we made ornaments together and then exchange all ornaments nice stuff that we, we did for our Christmas thing. So, yeah. So everyone is listening. I really encourage you that if you are feeling like it’s a responsibility, you’re feeling, like, imagine that the emotion is what you’re giving the person, not the actual actual gift.

[00:34:34] Shawna: And so if you’re not feeling that emotion when you’re buying the gift or coming up with a gift or figuring out the. Don’t get the gift and tell them it’s all Shawna’s fault. Have them write me emails. I don’t mind say, The, Grit, Show made you do it. It’s fine. But like that’s what it’s supposed to be about.

[00:34:49] Shawna: It’s the spirit of giving. It’s the connecting. It’s the making them know they’re being thought of. Write something nice for them on a piece of paper and give it to them instead, you know? Give them a nice [00:35:00] voicemails, give that, that’s what they need. That’s, we need more of the world is that. And less like giving of just something, because I feel bad cause I didn’t get you anything.

[00:35:09] Shawna: So let me grab so from the store because I need to type of thing, right? So yeah, we need more of that. And blame me if somebody’s bothered by it. . So yes. But we did also talk about love languages. So if you have people in your world and their love language is. The giving of gifts, but also remember that could be the flower from the side of the road.

[00:35:28] Shawna: That could be the cookies you made, that could be the note on the piece of paper. That type of thing is like a thoughtful get that could also be finding something at your house that you’ve had that you know they would enjoy. That counts for those people as well, so, mm-hmm. , it doesn’t have to be that stress, it’s that that thought that goes into the gift giving, even for people that, that’s love language.

[00:35:46] Shawna: Absolutely. This has been so useful. This is so wonderful. Is there anything you wanna add to this that we didn’t get to touch on? 

[00:35:54] Shelley: I want, you know, as we go into the holidays, I really want people to [00:36:00] understand that the holiday is yours. We spend so much time making the holiday, and again, it’s family and all that, don’t get me wrong, but we spend so much time making this holiday about everyone else that never understand that this is your experience.

[00:36:15] Shelley: This is your holiday. So if you need the holiday shouldn’t be, you’ve done so much. Now you know your poop to the point of where you regret the holiday . Mm-hmm. , you know? But it should be a thing of, yes, I’m tired because I spent time doing things. It was a rejuvenator for me too. Don’t let things like Thanksgiving and, and Christmas and the New Year and don’t celebrate yourself out to the point of where you’re burned out.

[00:36:43] Shelley: Mm-hmm. , understand that this is your holiday, so it’s for you to enjoy. What is it that you enjoy doing? What is it that’s going to satisfy you? And if that means stepping away from for a little while, you know, getting a little coffee, make sure that [00:37:00] you. This holiday that we say is about family. You are family too.

[00:37:06] Shelley: Mm-hmm. . Make sure you enjoy as much as you’re putting. 

[00:37:11] Shawna: Yes. And that’s why this time of year, like there is so many different traditions and so many different types of holidays that come during mm-hmm. this, this time of year. Yeah. And that’s the reason why we say the Happy Holidays are are able to put it in that context.

[00:37:24] Shawna: And some people don’t celebrate any of them, which is also okay. But I think part of it is like, The darkness that comes with this time of year and the desire to like connect with others. That I feel is part of the reason why this is our time that we’re all like wanting to have that connection. Mm-hmm.

[00:37:42] Shawna: the light and the beauty and the connecting with other people and the, you know, going through the fall and the Thanksgiving and that. Because again, we’re us based for those listening in the United States. At the end of November we have Thanksgiving, which has questionable roots, but it’s become about family [00:38:00] and coming together with people and about gratitude, which I love, gratitude, and huge on gratitude.

[00:38:04] Shawna: So if it’s becomes about being with family, about people you care about and sharing food together and gratitude. Yeah. And so when you keep it about those things, like that’s this beautiful thing. Yes. But it become about all the commercial, about all the other things. The same as with the holidays at the end of the year, which everyone’s just celebrating like it needs and New Year’s even like, you know what I mean?

[00:38:24] Shawna: It’s about celebrating my, my fiance does not like New Year’s. I love New Year. I love celebrating the beginning of a new year and celebrating new things and new beginnings and. I just love of the fireworks. So all these things like however, whichever thing you attach to, if you celebrate Hanukah, Kwanza.

[00:38:42] Shawna: Mm-hmm. , I can’t remember the Jerry Seinfeld one, but I know he has one that mixes ‘em all together. But , whatever. 

[00:38:48] Shelley: You so many, 

[00:38:50] Shawna: so many whatever, you find that you’re still doing it for genuine reasons. Whatever your culture, your heritage, your connection to it, it’s genuine. That’s the common theme for [00:39:00] all of these different pieces.

[00:39:01] Shawna: Absolutely. That they’re. Connecting to others and to yourself and to your beliefs and to beauty and to all those things. And so we wanna keep that genuine and not let all those other commercials Yes. And not even just the commercials, just the responsibilities and expectations that 

[00:39:18] Shelley: you don’t want. It don’t tear away from the core of why you’re, you’re doing it.

[00:39:22] Shelley: Yes. And it just can become so stressful that mm-hmm. it. I can’t wait till this day is over. Yes. Or I can’t wait till this week is over. Yes. Or I just want this to end. And that’s not what it was supposed to be about. 

[00:39:36] Shawna: Yes. Even birthdays and weddings turn into that. So . Oh yes. Oh my gosh. We don’t want that.

[00:39:42] Shawna: We don’t want that. We want you to enjoy these things, so make them enjoyable. So yes. So that’s a great piece of messaging to remember that keep the true heart of things when you’re looking 

[00:39:51] Shelley: at it. Yes, absolutely. 

[00:39:54] Shawna: Well, wonderful. Well, as we go into these seasons, What are some things that you do to take care of yourself that you [00:40:00] see as self care items?

[00:40:02] Shelley: Oh my goodness. For me, I have learned that. There are different self care activities that replenishes different emotions in my life. Mm. During the holidays, you know? It can become a lot of hustle and bustle. So one of the things that I do is if things begin to get stressful, one of my reliefs for, for things being stressful, is to come away just to, to literally come away and to either just be by.

[00:40:35] Shelley: or be by myself and watch a little comedy. They both including doing it by myself though. So, the, you know, the stress levels. Yes, the stress levels. For me, it just becomes too much of a, and so I need the quiet, I need my mind to quiet, and I need everyone around me to be quiet and that. Go away. [00:41:00] 

[00:41:00] Shawna: I like it.

[00:41:00] Shelley: Go away. Go. Because that’s what I need for my own, you know, self-care, to calm myself, to come. And I especially need that during this time of, of the holidays. I need to be able to pull away, to get things back together, to get my emotions back together, to calm myself so that I’ll be able to have the resources and the tools and the b.

[00:41:25] Shelley: To be able to go out again and take care of things. One of the other, and you know, it’s not self-care, but it, it works for me is I, I do everything early. So, when Christmas comes. I, I’m usually shopping for, for gifts months ahead of time because that time is stressful. Mm-hmm, and I know I don’t wanna be in the hustle and bustle.

[00:41:46] Shelley: Yeah. And it’s too much. So, I get everything done months ahead of time so that I don’t have to walk in that. You know? Yeah. I've come to realize that there’s certain stress triggers certain things, which is why I started [00:42:00] doing potluck and delegating because it was too much pressure. Yeah. So that’s one of the things that I’ve learned about me is, you know, the stress level come and I’m just gonna shut everything out, and then it’s just gonna become

[00:42:12] Shelley: I just can’t do leave meal, you know? Yes, yes, yes. So, I know now when I’m getting to that level, and I make sure that every single day. Especially during, during this time of the year. Yeah. Every single day I decompress and go. Mm-hmm. I just need you to just stop, like literally stop, go. I need my time to decompress ‘cause if I don’t have it, it’s gonna be one situation on top, another situation top, another situation until I crash.

[00:42:44] Shelley: And that’s not good for my wellbeing. Anyone’s wellbeing. 

[00:42:48] Shawna: Yeah. No, that’s important. Know that yourself. That’s great. That’s a great self-care spotlight to have from you, Shelley. That’s very valuable for people to know when you need to have your time to yourself and for you to know when there’s difficult seasons [00:43:00] coming up, which this is can be a very difficult season for a lot of people to proactively.

[00:43:04] Shawna: Do that self-care and take your time to yourself to decompress. Yes. And to have that time to yourself. Yeah. I kinda, interaction fatigue is what I call it. When I have too many people and too much going on. I call my interaction 

[00:43:15] Shelley: fatigue. Too much. Too much, and I’m so glad that I’ve learned, I, I’ve learned to connect with my body and with my emotions so that I’m not at that point.

[00:43:25] Shelley: you know, I don’t get to that point of where I’m sporadic or, you know, yeah, I, I’ve completely crashed, but I know, oh, okay, these triggers are coming, so I need to push away. Yeah, I need to, to go and I need to chill, or I need to leave the house. Or, you know, something where as long as it’s no one around me and I can get the peace that I need, even if it’s just for 15 minutes, I just need to bring everything.

[00:43:54] Shelley: Yes, just bring it down so that I can, so I can exhale, you know, and come [00:44:00] back and handle all the crazy I can. Yes, 

[00:44:03] Shawna: yes. No, I hear you. I hear you. And the beautiful thing is, is that you mentioned earlier about coloring books, and that is actually so The Grit Show, we have our own series of coloring books called The Color of Grit, and that’s actually something that we give all of our guests as a thank you.

[00:44:21] Shawna: For being on the show is you get a coloring book. 

[00:44:24] Shelley: I’m gonna be coloring,

[00:44:25] Shawna: you’re gonna be coloring, you get a coloring book. So you have another option during that quiet time. Comedy is good. Yes. But you can also color very 

[00:44:34] Shelley: therapeutic. 

[00:44:35] Shawna: That’s that’s what we think. So that’s why we can put that out into the world.

[00:44:39] Shawna: So our two options, it really is, yes. Our two options. So the first one is the Vintage Mermaid and Magnificent Ocean, and the second one is you’ve got this, which is funny in inspirational quotes. So that’s the one that’s coming out.

[00:44:52] Shawna: And the one that is out is the mermaid and ocean one. Do you have a preference? 

[00:44:56] Shelley: Oh my goodness. They both sound so good. You know, [00:45:00] because I want to, you know, have mine right away. I’m gonna go with the mermaid. Mermaid. 

[00:45:06] Shawna: She’s like, I like immediate gratification, so we’re gonna the mermaid. I dig that. That totally works.

[00:45:12] Shawna: Your copy, the Vintage Mermaid in Magnificent Ocean. 

[00:45:15] Shawna: Oh, thank you. 

[00:45:16] Shawna: You’re welcome. Well, thank you for making time. I know this is time out of your day to share your wisdom with everyone, and we really appreciate you being 

[00:45:22] Shelley: here. So thank you. This has been amazing. So much fun. The time has passed by so quickly.

[00:45:27] Shelley: So 

[00:45:27] Shawna: quickly. That always happens. Yes. Yes. And we like our audience to walk away with something really concrete that they can just start applying to their lives. We call that our Grit wit. And so do you have something specific? 

[00:45:39] Shelley: Yes, if there’s anything that I would be able to leave with you, and again, I think I already put that in there, but especially during this time, take your moments. Take your time to be just with you and remember, this holiday is yours and so be [00:46:00] aware of those things that you need to make it the best and most memorable time for yourself and for your family, remember, but for yourself too. Yes. Cause we forget that . 

[00:46:13] Shawna: Yes, because so busy taking care of everyone else. That’s absolutely it. Wonderful. And for everyone who’s gonna be so excited to connect with you, what are the best places for people to find you? 

[00:46:24] Shelley: Yes. You can find me on my website, which is

[00:46:30] Shelley: And I’ll spell that. It’s s h e l l e y m E C h e t t e. So we can always connect on my website. You can grab one of my freebies on my website. We can connect on my Instagram, which is my name, Shelley Meche’tte, as well as Facebook, which is Shelley Meche’tte or my Facebook group. Mom’s with purpose. I like to keep it simple.

[00:46:56] Shawna: I like simple. And we’ll have the links to make it simple. We’ll have the links [00:47:00] for all of those in the show notes, so I always you like people to hear it, ‘cause I know I’m oftentimes driving or something when I’m listening to podcasts. So it’s great to hear it as well as be able to just grab it in the show notes later.

[00:47:10] Shawna: So we’ll have all those links for you. And you also have a free guide. Powerful purpose and it’s powerful. Yes. Her Powherful purpose. Five Ways to Rediscover You After Motherhood. Do you wanna tell about that guide that you’re gonna be giving away too? 

[00:47:27] Shelley: Yes. For those of us who, who are moms, we know that the balancing act, it can be difficult. Mm-hmm. , and a lot of times when we become parents, a lot of our, our goals, our dreams, our hobbies are things that we just used to do. Even habitual things like getting up and having a cup of coffee before taking a run, whatever it was. We rearrange those things so much until we actually put ‘em on the back burner and forget about them, and then we lose ourselves in motherhood. And so I created a guide because [00:48:00] I was that woman as well, where I was so busy doing for my children, doing for my husband, making sure family is taken care of, that I looked in the mirror one day. And I had no idea what I liked.

[00:48:11] Shelley: I had to ask myself, do you really like Cheerios or do you eat ‘em? ‘cause you don’t wanna throw ‘em away. you know, because that’s what we do as moms. We just finish up the stuff. Cleanup crew. Cleanup crew. Yes. So I had to rediscover who was the woman, you know? I know. It’s very strange. After we become moms, we just feel like we were born mothers, but we weren’t, we didn’t come here.

[00:48:30] Shelley: Moms, we didn’t come here. Parents, we came here with with different gifts and talents and goals and things that have been imparted into. And there’s a way to balance all of those things with motherhood and your life goals. And so this guide is gonna give you five top ways that you can begin to successfully and harmoniously merge those two things together.

[00:48:54] Shelley: Oh, 

[00:48:54] Shawna: that’s so exciting. That’s wonderful. So for everyone listening, if that spoke to you, then [00:49:00] definitely get into the show notes and get that guide so that you can get connected with that. And this Facebook group is a great place for you to also connect with Shelley and with other moms around that Moms with purpose.

[00:49:10] Shawna: That is wonderful. So thank you so much for being here, Shelley. This has been delightful. 

[00:49:15] Shelley: I appreciate it. And thank you so, so much for having me. It was amazing. 

[00:49:20] Shawna: Yes, yes, and thank you for everyone in the audience for joining us. If you’re interested in checking out our coloring books, you can get your free sample pages off of our website, The Grit Show dot com, and we will be here with you again next week.

[00:49:32] Shawna: So don’t forget, you are the only one of you out there in the world, and that really does mean something. Have a good week.