Lessons Learned on Vulnerability from Daring Greatly -37

February 28, 2023 Shawna Rodrigues Season 1 Episode 37
Lessons Learned on Vulnerability from Daring Greatly -37
Show Notes Transcript

This week we get up close and personal on a hard topic, vulnerability. Fortunately, we have Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly to help guide us as we navigate through. If you haven’t read Daring Greatly, this barely scratches the surfaces and primes the pump, so if this episode connects with you, you’ll definitely want to add it to your reading list. If you have read it, this is a great opportunity to revisit the myths around vulnerability and to take a moment to reflect on how you are applying this to your life, and how you might look at things with new lenses and examples. 

We primarily focus on the vulnerability myths that Brene talks about in her book. Some are bound to feel familiar. Perhaps the myth you can go it alone? Or vulnerability is a weakness? We’ll even talk about some boundaries that go with vulnerability and figuring out who you can trust. I even trust you with some pretty stark examples of vulnerable points in my life. I’m sure it will bring to mind vulnerable points in yours and reinforce the relationships that were of value. 

We also take a moment to reflect on Shame and Shame Resilience, because no conversation around vulnerability, Daring Greatly, or Brene Brown would be complete without it. It is only a small reflection, so be sure to explore some of Brene’s other work or send me a note on where you should start if this connects with you and is something you want to explore further.

If you are interested in reading “Daring Greatly” snag your copy here- 

Other Books by Brene Brown:

Rising Strong

The Gifts of Imperfection

Braving the Wilderness

A little about your host –

Shawna Rodrigues is an entrepreneur, author, and consultant who found the alignment of her many talents and passions in podcasting. After launching her podcast, The Grit Show, she soon learned that women host only 27% of top-rated podcasts. It was understandable given the many challenges in sustaining a podcast. To combat this she launched the Authentic Connections Network; taking the tech and stress out of podcasting, and amplifying women’s voices. Connect with her on Instagram- @ShawnaPodcasts.

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Just a shot in the dark here, but are you someone who feels uncomfortable with the idea of being vulnerable? It makes sense. It's actually pretty healthy. Vulnerability should involve some discomfort. This kinda wrapped into the definition, right? Although I'm sure you've heard, or on some level you know that there are some amazing connections and experie. Just on the other side of being vulnerable. Today we're going to chat a little bit about vulnerability through the lens of Brene Brown's amazing book, daring Greatly. Welcome to The Grit Show, growth on purpose. I'm glad you're here. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be joining you on this journey as part of this community growing together as seekers and thrivers. If you haven't gotten your copy of our free coloring pages to support you on your self-care journey, jump on over to https://coloringpages.thegritshow.Com to download those and get added to our mailing list. The link is in the show notes, which makes it easy to find. Today you get a shorter solo episode with just me. I get you one-on-one, and I'm very excited to dive in and chat with you a bit about someone else's work and concepts that I found extremely powerful and valuable. Brene Brown is a PhD and a researcher. She's also a social worker and a storyteller. She has multiple books she may be familiar with from the Gift of Imperfection, rising Strong, braving the Wilderness, and Dare to Lead, as well as Daring Greatly, which will be the focus of our conversation today. I'm a big fan of her work and not just because of my long career as a social worker, and my heart of a storyteller, though I'm sure that helps. If you know Brene or if you've seen her speak or heard about her, she connects and she relates. She does research. It tells a story, and it makes an impact. Her work is also very easy to apply and being here on The, Grit, Show, you know, that's what we like. We like things that you can immediately reflect on and see reflected in your life. We can't begin a conversation about Daring Greatly without starting with vulnerability. And because of time, that's really gonna be the majority of our focus. So we're going to start with definitions, right? Keep it simple. So the definition from Miriam Webster around vulnerability, is capable of being wounded or open to attack or damage. It seems like the conversation might end right there, right? Why do we wanna be those things? What could be the benefit of being capable of being wounded or open to attack or damage? Right? Most of what we work for in, in policy and, and wars and everything else, is to try to not be vulnerable. We try to prevent those things from happening, from being wounded or attacked or damaged, however, In the book Brene notes very succinctly, the vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is a source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity, which I mean, Belonging, joy, courage, empathy, creativity, hope, empathy, accountability, auth, all of those words. Authenticity, like those are all the words, that when we think of about what we want in our life, like that pretty much just defines them. So it seems to get to all the places we wanna be and have all the things we wanna have that we need to start with vulnerability. So that's by today, we're going to have a conversation about vulnerability as a doorway. To all the good stuff because the life you want is likely just on the other side of vulnerability. So to have this conversation, we're mostly going to focus on the part of the book where she kind of unpacks and looks at the myths related to vulnerability. Because I think that's where most of us are, that the blockages for us, the places that make it hard to be vulnerable, are these myths that we kind of hold around it. So we're going to touch on those and kind of unpack that a little bit as our starting place to kind of look at ourselves. And why we find it hard to be vulnerable and how we can be vulnerable in a way that's smart. Cuz again, we started with the definition, right? The def, the definition alone makes you take pause to be like, why would I want to be vulnerable? Well, cause I want all these amazing things that come with it and because that's why I look for my connections with other people. That's what draws me to that. That is the good. Is the vulnerability. So if that's what we want, then how can we kind of unpack what is preventing us from being there and from having that? So the first myth we're gonna look at is vulnerability is weakness. And so for that, again, we're gonna go back to the book and we're gonna look at a quote that she actually has in here that says, When we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or from being perceived as too emotional, we feel contempt. When others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on. We've come to the point where rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism. So there's this piece that to some extent, some of us, when we see vulnerability, because we have such a strong belief that it's a weakness that we actually judge others who are vulnerable. And some of that comes from as humans, we can have a hard time with emotions, with feelings, even though they are at the root, one of those important parts of the human experie. This is something that I hope that we'll get into later, um, in the podcast in the future episode because it's something I'm still learning about, which I'm amused. I have so much to learn about considering I have a master's degree and a clinical license that, um, I kinda missed some of this. Like I have a good understanding of it with young children and not so much with my own life and adults and that type of piece. It's amusing how. worked so hard to be a specialist with working with children and with other people so that I didn't have to apply things to my own life. Yeah, that, that's a vulnerability thing too. Um, one of the reasons we're having this podcast, but this much, I know vulnerability and emotions that come with it is something we all need to reckon with a bit to be able to show up more authentically and get what we want in life. And so with looking at what I read, About pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable or being too emotional, something we do, because it's kind of a scary feeling when we don't know what to do with it and we're not familiar and comfortable with it. So we do tend to judge and we do push away and we do see it as weakness instead of finding the strength in it. And so that is part of what we need to work for and to see that as a strength. And oftentimes it's when we can find the people, we see it as a strength in that we can then, See as a strength in ourselves. And Brene Brown, if you're familiar with her, I think it's one of the great things that she's brought to the conversation is that you see her and her own journey and see that as something you admire and something you can connect with. And it makes it easier for you as a leader to see that and connect with that. And as you look at the people in your life that have been vulnerable with you and those moments, you've connected with them. But that's when you start to have that. So I feel like that the vulnerability is, Myth is easy as busted when we find others that we see as a strength and, and we can so slowly apply that to ourselves. So that's a myth you kind of prescribe to us. Like that's the place to start, is to start to see where you see it as a strength and to understand that that connection that we all want and that authenticity we all want. It's just on the other side. The second myth is just the simple. I don't do vulnerability How many of you are like, yeah, that's me. I just don't do vulnerability. Um, I think that I was that way for a long time and didn't even realize I was that way for a long time. and part of that, I think that for everyone listening. that part of that can be, you know, a defense mechanism. But also sometimes we're worried that our truth isn't enough, that we've been through some hard things. I think that everyone listening, one reason you're here, one reason this is a podcast you've chosen is because you've been through some hard things. Like I've said, The, Grit, Show. Title is because we've been through the things and that is why we've got the Grit. That's why we're here. This dis, the name describes the people that are in the audience. So what we've been through is hard. We, we made through, but it was hard and that's why you're here. And it took a toll to get to the other side of that. And it's sometimes hard for others to see that toll and even they see that. We don't need their judgment, and sometimes we're still recovering ourselves and we don't have space for their judgment. And it's been amazing for me, like when I've even got into a place to share some things, which we'll talk about this a little bit later, but I went through a very difficult time where I was actually, um, fired from a job that I had a job that I. Amazing at, and I can say that without flinching. I knew it at the time that I was amazing at it, but of course, when you get fired, you question everything. But I had actually reported to HR that I'd been sexually harassed shortly before the bizarre firing that took place and. Those two things were directly related, and I still stand firmly behind the fact they were, and there's a lot of complications to go with all of that. But I still remember the first time that I told somebody whom I thought very highly of. She was somebody that had previously been. involved in my organization and I was so worried about, other people's way of taking this cuz I could barely explain it. It's not supposed to happen. It's not a real thing. Like, you know, people don't do that. You don't wanna believe that can happen to you. Like how are other people supposed to believe it happened to you. And I had somebody that I worked with that I thought highly of who said, oh, oh sweetie. Like they can't, they can't do that. That's not legal to do that. I'm aware that's not legal. I can thank you. That's why I have an attorney. That's, that's why there's a whole process around it. They did also illegal to kill people, but it happens. So that's why we have a legal system when people do things that aren't legal, but as most type of things that like, that's what made it hard. And I was very careful who I even share that with cuz it was still very fresh. and then to have that be the response. And so that's why it can be hard to be vulnerable because the fact that people don't understand and so it's, it's hard if you've gotten to a space where you can speak about it with an even tone. Even now I'm sharing it with all of you in a very even tone. It has been years since that occurred. I've done so much to remedy. Myself and my career and everything since that happened, and so I can speak with an even tone, but even when you say it, then everyone's like, oh, that was nothing. It didn't affect her. Right? It's not a big deal, but of course it did. Of course it had a huge weight. I still remember the wonderful friend. Very well intending friend who I think highly of still, who called me to let me know how much less money I would make over my lifetime because that had happened, and I was like this, this isn't helping like, I love you, but this isn't helping. And so it's hard to do vulnerability when you don't know how people are going to respond because it is such a complicated dance, right? Being able to convey what we've been through, being authentic. The level of effect it's had on you and being worried about being judged based on it. So it's a struggle. Like it's a struggle about it. but the truth of the matter is we're all vulnerable. Like I was still vulnerable whether I shared it with somebody or not. And so this myth that I don't have vulnerability, this myth that I could pretend that I wasn't vulnerable. No, I was very vulnerable and. There was people that I shared things with that it took a little bit of a hit when I shared it with them, but there was so many other people that I shared it with them and it was such a healing experience, and their connection and their ability helped me get to a better place with it. And you have to go ahead and do that to find the good and the bad, and you had to walk. Those places and find the people that are going to be the supports and the right people. It didn't change like the definition of vulnerability, like if we go back to that, I was vulnerable, like there was no way I wasn't vulnerable. It's just how alone and vulnerable I was versus being vulnerable and connected and authentic and healing and getting to the other side of it. And so that's the myth of I don't do vulnerability. You're, you're vulnerable whether you're gonna share it or you're not gonna share it. And so it's a matter of finding your people and, and being safe and vulnerable in small ways so you can find that network that can support you, if that makes sense. And then the third myth is that vulnerable is letting it all hang out. So if you're vulnerable, you have no boundaries, and everything is everywhere, and that it's not safe to be vulnerable and everything is just all over the place. I know we've all experienced someone who is in a place where they can't hold boundaries, but. you can be vulnerable and still have boundaries and choose who you're vulnerable with and obviously with my examples that I gave, the one friend who, who gave me the quote about how much less I would make. Over my lifetime. Um, because the fact that I've been fired after reporting sexual harassment, she is somebody who is still a good friend and she's redeemed herself and been a great friend in a million ways since then. Right? but the other person that professionally that I approached and she had that response of, oh sweetie, that can't happen. she's not somebody that I continue to share that experience with or went back to It's not somebody who uses a professional resource after that occurred. So it's one of those things that you can have boundaries and you can do that. So the quote from the book is like the research again, cuz Brene Brown's a researcher is that, you know, not everyone is safe to be vulnerable with, and not every situation is safe to be vulnerable in. And so you have to judge and kind of figure that out. And so the exact quote from the book is, we need to feel trust to be vulnerable and we need to be vulnerable in order to trust. Complicated mix, right? So it's a cyclical thing. A chicken and egg thing. You gotta have one day the other to have the other, to have the other. And so you gotta kind of like build it slowly and build it in. And so the analogy that Brene Brown uses she came up with it with her daughter. when they had a marble jar in the classroom. So I'm sure most of you're familiar with this, when things go well in the classroom, like a teacher has a marble to the marble jar. And so that, that's kind of how you slowly build up is by judging how many marbles you have in the marble jar to see if you can trust somebody. And it's the little things that you know, like who remembered Your name of your partner who asked about how your weekend was, the little ways you build trust to see who are people you can be safe with, right? And so in, that example, that's kind of how you build it. So you kind of stop and evaluate. And if you have kids, it's great for you to start working with them to evaluate who are. Your people that you're building trust with, like what are signs of trust so that they can learn who are the people that they can be vulnerable with and they can be safe with and share things with, and who are they building those relationships with? And as much as she uses the analogy of a marble jar, I'm definitely more of a fan of the analogy of a plant because she does talk in the book about, you have to keep investing. It's, it can be devastating to a relationship to stop investing in a relationship and to stop doing those little things and the damage that can cause with your partner, with your kids if you just stop doing those little investments. And so that's why for me, it's much more like, a seed you plant. And so when you plant your garden, you can put in, you know, 10. Corn seeds and I guess they're kernels. Huh? You plant 10 flower seeds, we'll go flowers. You plant 10, 10 little flower seeds. When you plant 10 flower seeds, only three of them might come up. Even though you're watering them the same and whatever else, only three of them will kind of take root. And that's the same when you. Start a new school. When you start a new job, when you enter a new environment, depending on that environment and what takes root or what doesn't take root, it can kind of change what is going to grow and what is going to take seed. But for it to continue to grow, you had to keep watering it and you had to keep adding to it. And so it is important to keep adding to those relationships and making sure that they continue to to thrive. So, uh, cuz Brene does talk about the disengagement triggers. in that chapter that are damaging to vulnerability and sometimes it doesn't seem like you care anymore because those acts of connection are gone. So that disengagement committee thing, so, so that's why for me, it's much more like a plant and you can continue to inquire about what's happening in your kids' world, even if they response. Is incoherent, you're still love the water. So fortunately there are, plants that are called resurrection plans if you've heard of them. Like I think it's called a. purine and Violet, they can survive like 250 years of dehydration and freezing. But if you just tend to it again, it comes right back. And I feel like a lot of my my relationships, that's what I planted because I can walk away from them for a long time and just a little bit of tending and it, they come right back. And so it doesn't have to be a plant that's, as you know, fickle as an orchid. More like a dandelion where you think it's gone forever and then you just, you know, every summer it comes back, even think it's gone. So it doesn't have to be as delicate as an orchid, but there are different relationships that have different level of tending that they need. But to think of that as you work with your kids and work with yourself and think about those relationships, that they are something you tend to and that you, you add the water to keep them alive and. Think about who's tended to the relationships and who's added to them. And that you need to feel trust, be vulnerable, and need to be vulnerable in order to trust, and that you need to add those in small ways. And it starts in small ways of trust that can kind of build and become more of that. And so that you aren't this distrusting anybody, that there are boundaries about Hugh Trust and that it makes a difference and it builds on it as you do it over. So the man that I enthusiastically share my life with our first launch, after not seeing each other for 20 years, um, there was a lot going on in my life, and he definitely did not hear about it that day. We hadn't seen each other for 20 years. In fact, the, the third time we hung out, which is a few weeks after that, he was pretty mystified that I only wanted to meet for like a happy hour and I didn't wanna go out with his friends. And it was a matter of just, I was at capacity. I was dealing with a medical situation with a family member. I had a larger legal context that was suffocating my family and I was at capacity. And so as much as two hours was somebody that I used to know who had hung out with a couple times, and I knew it was a safe conduct that I would enjoy and I would have a good. Because, you know, even then self, self-care was very important at that time in my life. An evening with a bunch of people that I did not know, having small tuck and engage, I just was not capable of that. And so, um, having that balance of, you know, where that was at and getting to know him and getting further into that relationship. And so we all have that where we walk those little lines. If we give this much, we give this much. And. it just grows from there. And so it's important that you spend that time to kind of gauge how much information you give and how much you share as you, as you grow in your relationships. Cuz obviously now he he knows everything about me, but it took time to grow that trust and it was a matter of, he actually came up to help me hang cabinets and we ended up sharing like everything, it's, well, not everything, some pretty big highlights that made it easy feel in all the other. We spent that time together and had built that trust and now he gets to walk the balance with me as I share in a podcast that we are postponing our weddings that I was fired, um, many moons ago, and that we spent six months waiting to see if I had metastatic brain cancer. And so that's something that like we've grown into and that we've figured out together. It's one of those type of things that you, you figure out where those things are, where those lines are, and that for everyone, it can be different that you have that say about, you can share this much with this person and that much with a different person, and it makes a difference. As we wrap this up, I just wanna go back to something that I talked about on episode 18 with our guest, Donna Barker. She talked about writing from the scars not the wound. And sometimes our boundaries when it comes to our vulnerabilities kind of connects to that, cuz I know that when we're here. I am very open with you about some very vulnerable personal things that I've been through, and I want to model that. I want you to see that, I want to be part of that conversation for you to know that. There's also an element that I'm speaking from those scars, not from the wounds, that there are things that have happened in my week and my day and my month in the last three months, that I don't speak to the same. And I think that when you have that question about vulnerability and knowing those boundaries to remember, I mean, I've shared with you the story of how few people I told about my metastatic brain cancer when I was actually going through that. And to be able to realize that when I was going through that, it was very limited who I talked to about that. I definitely didn't do a podcast episode while it was happening. And in episode four on bucket lists, I talk more about that, but now that I am in a different phase with that, and it is a scar and not a wound, I can speak more about that. So as you look at your boundaries, sometimes that vulnerable piece, if we go back to the definition of vulnerability, right? And me talking about the sharing when you are vulnerable. That myth around that, that you are vulnerable, whether you're sharing it with others or not. That being more particular about who you're sharing with, depending on if it's still a wound and where you're at in that process and how vulnerable you are dictates how many people you're sharing and who you're sharing with and how much you can share. So hopefully that conversation with Donna Barker and that, I love that when she shared that about with writing is what she was sharing about in that episode. So our last myth that we're gonna talk about is about we can go it alone. It's a fourth myth on vulnerability. And this is one that I definitely was guilty of after reading Daring Greatly the first time when I read it some time ago. One of the notes I wrote to myself was that I was potentially selecting romantic partners who saw vulnerability as a liability, which made it easy to never be vulnerable with them So, um, kind of protected myself there. Ironically, I might have also worked at helping them be more vulnerable because, you know, clinical degree, training as a therapist, I don't know, and, and overall I tend to do that with people while at the same time not applying the same rules to myself. And so one way is noticing how challenged you are to receive help. And if you go back to episode 35, when I talked to Josh and Diane, you might remember that I specifically asked them about how easy it was to ask for help and both of them trying to answer that question. And the reason I ask that is knowing for me, that was a big step in entering the amazing relationship I have was being able to ask for help. And for my partner, that was something he needed to work on as well, was being able to receive help. Asking for help still is something he still works with, right. But even receiving help for him was a challenge. And there's something that's in the book Daring Greatly, very specific on this, that mentions about when we attach judgment to receiving help we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help. Say that again. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help. Which is a phrase I read a few times when I read the book. So, if you don't think you attach judgment to offering help, but you definitely have judgment about receiving help. There's a chance that you're judging unknowingly. That that knee jerk first reaction you have when your sister calls asking for support or when somebody needs something, even though you go do it because you have to. And that's how you define yourself as somebody who's helpful, that you are judging them because you don't ask for help or receive help well. And so in order for you to give more freely, you need to receive more freely. Did you get that? So in order for you to give more freely, which chances are you want to do, you have to receive more freely, and you have to ask for help and recognize you can't go it alone. That was a big concept for me, and I think that that's one of the places where in my life I've improved the most and grown the most. Because I love my father. And growing up I wanted to be like him, who's very independent. He didn't need other people and I wanted to be independent, but he is also very helpful. So I wanted to help everyone but not need help myself. And. That's not actually how that all works. And so I really think that looking at Daring Greatly and looking at that for myself and understanding my need to be able to accept help, being a key component of me being able to give help and me finding out how to ask for help was a really important thing. Again, we go back to the story of me letting my now love my life fiance into my world was him driving up to help me hang cabinets. That was a big deal that I I let him come do that and look where it got me. So so yes, he really did. It really was actually painting and hanging cabinets on the wall, y'all, it was no, no euphemisms there, no double speak. It's part of our story. So being able to receive help even though it started at that him offering to help move boxes turned into to that. We have quite a story anyways. When thinking along these lines, it's a whole way of not going it alone is you thinking about, what draws you to others? What makes you connect to them is that authenticity, the joy, all those things that comes from their vulnerability there, artistic abilities, their joy, all those things that comes from vulnerability. You want to experience that, But in order to experience that, you need to be able to share that part of you as well. So you need to be able to be vulnerable and you don't do that alone. You do that in concert. You see courage in others, but in yourself you see that inadequacy and for you to be able to see it as courage in yourself as well. For you to be able to understand that you're drawn closer to others, so others will be drawn closer to you for the same reasons, so that you can value in yourself those qualities as much as you value it in others. I am so grateful for the amazing friends I've had, for the books I've read and the opportunities I've had to learn that finally got me on the right path. And I think that part of all of this journey around vulnerability and understanding all of that is how come I am in the place I am, I'm living with my amazing partner and in this great place. So that's why I think the vulnerability is something that I wanna see for others. Cause I feel like it does bring all of those beautiful things into your life that we talked about. Before we go there, there was one more piece, one more element in Daring Greatly that I wanna make sure that I bring to you. And there is a great part at the end too about kids and parents and talking about how you can do some stuff around this too. So it's a great book. You haven't read it. I do highly recommend it and I will put a link in the show notes. But another element in there is she does a lot of research around shame if you weren't aware of that, and her whole lens around shame is just like perspective changing and very valuable as well. We could do two episodes just on all of that. But in there, when she talks about it, cuz it's cornerstone of her work, the stuff she's done and the research around shame, in that focus of vulnerability, she does have a quote in there. I just wanted to make sure that I give to you in its conversation and it's saying, "Shame resilience is key to embracing our vulnerability. We can't let ourselves be seen if we're terrified by what people might think." "We can't let ourselves be seen if we're terrified by what people might think. Often not being good at vulnerability means that we're damn good at shame." So the shame resilience is key. We aren't letting shame define us. We're seeing things as individual instances and not defining ourselves by them. That I'm not letting, like for so long, like going back to my being fired like that is just mind boggling. If you've worked with me and you didn't know that story, which chances are you don't, cuz I don't talk about that story but your mind is blown to think that I was ever fired. I actually served on a governor appointed committee after that and had to write in my application that, that I had been fired, which is just mortifying. And it was super complicated at one time because with the lawyers involved that. I wasn't supposed to be saying that I was fired in job applications because that was part of like the remedy that was gonna be from the whole case. And so it was so complicated. But then me trying to be authentic and it was just so complex, like the whole situation was very complex. For some time it can still have moments and places where I can be complex, but it's one of those things of like not letting that define me or shame me and the agency. So when, I was fired, I was given the option to quit because they didn't want to, like the, the gentleman who fired me actually said like, I don't want to ruin your career, so you have the option to quit. And I was basically like, You don't have the power to ruin my career. I'm not giving you that power and me quitting after, like, no, I'm, I wouldn't quit and I'm not quitting. This is not my choice. And you know exactly why you're doing this. So this is I'm not going to give you that. The whole way they handled things and through the lawyers, the things they said about me and all the different things and like involving lawyers and making it feel like, you know, if I said anything I could get in trouble. And I still won't say the name of the company. I've wiped them from my resume, my online stuff. And so cuz I want no connection to them, it makes me sad. It's very sad. But I will not be shamed into silence over what happened because I know I did good work there, but that's it, right? Shame, resilience is key to embracing their vulnerability. So we need to not be terrified by what people might think. And so I can't be terrified by what people might think. There are people who are going to hear this and think, oh, she did something. It must be her fault. Like, that's gonna happen, but I, I can't live behind that. I can't let the people who would choose to see that instead of see me be the people that dictate who I am. So anyways, I got off on that tangent again. That is one last piece. Her work is very great about being connected to shame too. So definitely if you aren't familiar with her, I highly recommend her. And connecting with her and Daring Greatly is wonderful. Rising Strong, I think with my first book that I read of hers, and I highly recommend it as well. So yes, vulnerability is a heavy topic, so we are not going to start or have our Grit Wit- our takeaway today- be connected to it because it is a little bit heavy. So consequently, we are going to have our Grit Wit be something a little more fun and fanciful so that you can just let this other stuff kind of sink in the background. So there was some wonderful research that came out at the end of January. It was communication research. Jeffrey Hall and Associates did it. Quality conversations can increase daily wellbeing was the article. But basically they had 900 students, as part of this experiment, were asked to connect with a friend in one of seven different ways, one of seven. So catch up about how you've been; make a meaningful conversation; laugh and joke around; show care, affection and support; be a good listener; show you value them and their opinion; or give them a compliment. So one of those seven ways. So lots of different ways you could connect with a friend just during the day. And at the end of the day, everyone filled a survey about their emotions, their day overall, including how lonely, anxious, stressed or connected they felt. And just that one interaction with a friend meant they felt less stressed and more connected at the end of the day, then individuals who didn't do that interaction regardless of which interaction they. So regardless, they were just catching up or just one laugh just joked around where they did the caring or gave a compliment. Just one of those things. So today for our takeaway is we are going to take that research and we are going to run with it. I'm going to encourage you to just reach out to a friend. And I think that that also, right, that connects to that, that watering that we talked about when watering, our plants are putting marbles in the jar. If you wanna go with Brene's thing that we wanna water those connections and so just pick a friend and it can be you give them a compliment. You can be a good listener. You can laugh and joke around. You can catch up with how they've been. Just connect. One friend and according to this research, it's gonna make a difference on your day. That is your Grit wit for today to make an impact on your day if that one little piece to make a difference. Thank you so much for joining me today. More than 70% of podcasts are found because someone told someone else about it. So if this episode resonated with you, if there's something you gained from it. Please take a moment to find the share button wherever you're listening, or go onto Instagram @The.Grit.Show or onto Facebook @TheGritShow. And find this episode and share it with someone you know. This podcast is meant to be a resource. It's meant to make an impact and connect with people and create this community, and you sharing it as the biggest way you can support and do that. So your help is very much appreciated, and since that's how people are finding podcasts, you are part of the solution. So please, please pass on the word if this resonated with you, or another episode has. And before you go about your day, pause for just one more moment. Take a deep breath. Soak in all we've chatted about today. Let it settle just a bit. There was a lot. Before you walk away, just remember, you are the only one of you, the only human on this entire planet with your unique experiences and perspectives to offer. You are the only one of you that this world has. And that means something. I look forward to connecting with you again next Tuesday. Until then, take care.