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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

Do you ever notice when you're acting slightly different because of the people that are around you, or that you're approaching a situation differently because of the other individuals that are there and how you feel you should be responding because of how they're responding or trying to read the room and acting differently? Typically, it's when you just notice that you're not yourself, and it's because you're trying to react and integrate how other people are being. That's what we're going to talk about a little bit today. I'm curious what you're going to get out of it and how you might integrate it into how you handle future interactions. Stick around this new way of looking at authenticity and how we interact based on others or don't. How we show up as ourselves, regardless, might be something that is a value to you. Welcome to The Grit Show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:14

As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them, and these conversations are meant to be shared. And to spark even more connections. We have two cats. I've mentioned them before, Meiko and Hobbes especially. I think the first time they came up that much was when we had the specific episode talking about our pets, episode 59 and 60. I think that was very much targeted about grief and losing pets and the wonderful guests we had talking about that. So you've heard about them here and there a few times.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:59

Their names are Meiko and Hobbes, and their personalities are very different. There's different things I appreciate about both of them. Hobbes has undying devotion to Robie. For a long time, it was just him and Robie. He possibly loves Robie more than I do. Yes, I. I think it's very true. I have a lot of love in me, but I have a lot of things that I love.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:23

Hobbes loves Robie and food, and that's it. He doesn't have the split focus for his love and affection. Consequently, he's also a very jealous cat and does not like anything else having Robie's time or attention, which includes Meiko, our other cat. Meiko was a cat who was living in a situation that wasn't ideal, mostly because there's a lot of other animals in the house, a lot of small dogs, actually. And because of turns of circumstances, there was a chance Meiko was going to end up at the pound. And I promised my niece I would take care of him for a short period while she figured out a way she could have him full time. As it turned out, Robie fell in love with Meiko. Robie solved the reasons why Meiko was not a good setup for me, because I traveled a lot and did not want to have an animal as a responsibility.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:19

And since we were going to have Hobbes, might as well have two. And Meiko and Hobbes eventually, eventually were good for each other and got along. So Meiko had only been at my home for probably four weeks before Hobbes moved in, approximately, well, longer than that. I guess it was probably four months, because he'd been there for not very long before Robie and I got together. So it was an adjustment for the two of them when they first got to know each other. And one of the biggest adjustments was Hobbes having to share Robie's affection with another cat. It was bad enough that there was this woman in Robie's life, but then there was another cat. And the most interesting thing is that Hobbes will literally beat Meiko up after he's gotten love and attention from Robi.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:05

And it's one of these things where it's like half an hour later, hour later. Now it'll be 5 hours later. It doesn't happen as much now. Actually, it's gotten a little bit better. Used to be very bad, and it used to be almost a joke that we tell Meiko, like, you're going to pay for this later. Are you sure getting this petting is worth getting attacked later? But that was always the thing about Meiko Hobbes reaction to things, how Hobbes handled things, never changed who Meiko was. Meiko was pretty assured about who Meiko was in the world. And regardless of how Hobbes was going to act, Meiko was still going to be Meiko.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:44

And I have really admired that quality about my cat and felt that was something to learn from, because I'm definitely somebody who, when other people are having strong reactions to stuff, I tend to back off how I'm acting and don't want to pay the consequences of them and how they're reacting. And probably the best example or easiest example of this is some time ago, quite some time ago, when I got a very exciting job opportunity that I was thrilled about. And there have been a group of people I've been working with and very close to and closely connected to, and I wasn't sure sharing it with them. And one of them was like, why don't you share this with a group? This is so exciting. You got this great opportunity. I was like, well, somebody else in this group also was interested in this opportunity. And I don't want to deal with their, their response. I don't want to deal with them being upset that I got it and them stealing that because they're whatever.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:45

I don't want to deal with that. So I'm just not going to share it because I don't want to deal with that. And they're like, why would that change anything? Why would how they act, how they react, their stuff stop you from being who you are? If you would have gotten any other job, you would have really shared it. We all would love to hear about it. We all want to support you and celebrate you. Like, why would their reaction change how you would act? And they were right. I shouldn't stop being who I am, showing up in the world the way that I show up because of that person. And that takes, like, an inner strength of not letting that affect me, not letting that rain on my parade, not letting that damper my enthusiasm, not letting that change things.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:06:39

And there is this element of having respect, right? Of being respectful for them, being disappointed and them having their own reaction. And yes, but again, yes, they can have their own reaction. I can let them have their emotions, but I shouldn't change my reaction. They're not going to change their reaction because of my excitement. Why should I change my excitement? Because of their reaction. So that happened years before I had Meiko, but that was a good opportunity for me to stop and think about how many times in my life and how many ways in my life I was dimming my light or changing who I was to accommodate somebody else. And possibly because I didn't want to deal with their reaction. Right.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:22

And that was partly why I was doing that, because I was avoiding dealing with that instead of getting better about having boundaries and recognizing what was theirs and what was mine and having that growth opportunity and getting that distance from it and not letting it rock my boat and rock me at all to have their waves be over there and get that distance from it. It was a really good opportunity for me. And Meiko is this constant reminder in my life each time these things happen, that Meiko is Meiko. And there's some great photos we have of when Hobbes would just glare at him and just be so mad that he even existed. And Meiko instead, like, he just turned his back on him, lay down exactly how he would and just be happy and fine and go about his business. Whereas, like, if somebody was glaring at me like that, I would have been, like, up on my toes and uncomfortable and not sat like I normally would and been affected by that. Meiko completely unaffected. And I'm like, that cat has good boundaries.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:24

That cat is. Is good at just letting. That's Hobbes. It's not Meiko's problem. It's nothing Meiko can do anything about. Not his circus, not his monkeys, right? I love that phrase. Meiko just lets Hobbes be Hobbes, and Meiko is going to be Meiko. And Hobbes would really like Meiko to change based on how Hobbes feels about everything, and Meiko just isnt going to do it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:49

And Meiko moves through the world so much better because of that. Hobbes is still Hobbes, Hobbes is still upset about everything, still bothered. But Meiko curving to that and changing who Meiko is doesn't change how Hobbes is going to be. It just makes Meiko less Meiko and Meiko less happy and Meiko less chill and less okay with things. So it's this constant reminder that I love about how to move through the world and just be you, because that is the most important part, your happiest and your most authentic when you're able to be you, regardless of how other people are going to act and react and what their response is going to be and how much you can just buffer yourself against that and just not let it affect you, because that's them. It's about them. It's not about you. They're going to be that way whether somebody else is getting that or you're getting that and just continue to be you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:47

Right? So I love that. And I love my cat being this constant reminder. The other day, though, I had an interesting reminder of other ways that I can sometimes let other things affect me, being the truest, most authentic expression of myself. I had gone to a lovely water aerobics class. Yes, I have a friend who's getting me into water aerobics. I love finding new ways to see if I can move my bodies in ways that I enjoy, because I don't enjoy a lot of exercise, to find creative ways that I enjoy to move my body and get my exercise. So afterwards, I was leaving and driving down the road, and there was a stoplight and whatever else and a car trying to get into the flow of things. And I'm someone who will get frustrated when somebody stops in the middle of the road to let a car in.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:43

My mother, God rest her soul, she was definitely those people that was overly accommodating and would disrupt and potentially be dangerous to traffic because she would be so accommodating at times. And those drivers can make me crazy sometimes that they're so accommodating that they're actually disrupting the flow of traffic to be accommodating to somebody else. So I'm not overly accommodating, but I definitely recognize when it's hard for someone to get out. And if I can let that happen, I definitely let that happen. But it's so funny that, like, as I was determining where it would stop to be accommodating, it was a really, really big, fancy, nice, shiny, black car with vanity plates. And what was written on the vanity plates just bothered me, and it made me want to not give space to let the car in. And I caught myself and was like, whoa. Why should that matter behind being me? If I'm being the truest, most authentic expression of who I am in the world, why should it matter what car I'm letting in if I'm somebody who lets the car in when it doesn't disrupt the flow of traffic to let the car in? Like, that's who I am.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:11:48

Who I am should not be changed by who that car is that I'm letting in. So it was funny for me to recognize that about myself, that sometimes, like, I rankle up and get judgy. That might be the wood part of my energetic flow that if you listen to episode 100, the last one with Angela, we talked about the energy flow and different ways of expression of that. Right. So that might be part of that judgmental wood part coming out. That's what was happening there. And that's not in flow. That's not, like, who I want to be.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:22

I want to be the truest part of me at all times, regardless. And so I did let the car in, but definitely checked myself and noticed that, that maybe I have a tendency to not fully be myself because of that as well. And how interesting that is. And the curiosity, if other people let that get in the way sometimes as well, that they might be the person that's going to, you know, let somebody else go first, but depends on who that person is. Well, it shouldn't depend on who that person is. If you are somebody who lets somebody go first, you're somebody who lets somebody else go first. And so kind of reflecting on how true we are to our values, of who we are and how we express ourselves. That we're not going to let the other person's behavior or potential behavior of Hobbes being a brat whenever Meiko gets love or attention.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:18

That we're not going to let someone else's behavior change who we are, but we're also not going to let our preconceived notions or judgment of somebody else stop us from being who we truly are as well. And it's something that, for me at least, is something that I have to stop and check myself of why I'm not doing something or why I am doing something. What is it about? Am I not going to something because of someone who might be there or because I don't want to go to something? So what is stopping me or slowing me down? Am I truly being authentically me and not letting other factors curb that or other pieces? Right now, we're not getting to past experiences. We're just getting into, like, the other individuals and other influences of people around us that are potentially stopping us from being our truest expression of ourselves. Does that make sense? So we can stop and kind of pause and think about, like, who we're having the conversation with? Are we being genuine and concerned because we're always genuine and concerned, or are we hesitating and not being that way because this person is draining or this person's other way? And how can we draw the boundaries to still be that truest expression of ourselves, regardless of how that person's going to behave? And how can we draw that boundary in a way so we can still be ourselves and still not let that affect us, right? I mean, we can't all be Meiko and just get beat up afterwards. We might need to have some boundaries so that we can still be our truest selves and get to the other side of it. And so that with me sharing my news that it was actually a really good experience with that job that I did share the news, and I do believe that that person just didn't respond to me. They probably responded to others, and that was fine.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:06

They needed to have the response they needed to have. It just didn't affect me getting to also celebrate my opportunity. But it was stopping me from doing that. It was stopping from that joy and connecting to the folks that I wanted to connect with about my happy news because I was concerned about what their response would be, and that wasn't how I should have done it. Instead, for you to be able to realize if you do need to have some type of buffer in there around it, or if you just need to be able to not let it stop you and let you still be you and still do the things you want to do. And while you're there, still express yourself that even though you go to dinner with the same group of people and somebody always interrupts you, and so you just stop sharing your stories to be like, no, keep sharing your stories. Keep being you. Don't let how they react or how they act stop you and affect you from being you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:54

Just keep showing up and keep being you and don't let that discourage you. So that's kind of what we're going to be looking at a little bit, is how we recognize ourself in those moments and how much we are swayed by those other influences. So how often we let the Hobbesbes of the world punish us because we get love and affection, or stop us from seeking that love and affection. How often we worry about someone else feeling bad so we don't let ourselves feel good. How often you're not our true loving, giving selves because we deem someone else isn't worthy, right? In the instance of me not letting a car in which I did a little example, but it's good to catch ourselves in the little moment so we don't have the big moments, right? How often do we let it be about them and not be about us? Because truly, it should be about us and our truest, authentic expression of us. After all, this is episode 101. Can you believe that? 101 episodes, right? So this is when we get to the grit, wit and the hard questions, right? Our playful conversation around cats is coming back around to ask, where in life are you not showing up? Where are you not fully shining or otherwise being truly yourself because of others, because you're scared of how they react, or it's easier, or you've just deemed yourself unworthy somehow. So think about that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:25

Think about ways at work or in your family, or with your friends, or in traffic. As in my case. Maybe you're not letting yourself truly show up. That instead of being who you are, that you're showing a different side or behaving differently because of other people's potential reactions. Actual reactions are ways you've been treated in the past. And think about how that might change. Think about how you want to be at dinner, the truest, authentic version of you. It's not the one that's constantly, like, telling people what to do all through dinner, that's able to relax and enjoy and have this loving response, patient response, because that's who you truly are.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:13

Is there room for that? Is there room to figure out how you can get back to that a little bit more and not let everyone else influence how you are being and pulling you away from your true, authentic self? Is that an option? Is it possible to let the car in or share the news or. Or be more you? That's our food for thought or grit wit for today. So think about how we show up and if there are ways that we can more genuinely show up, that we've let other people sway us. And to kind of just go through your day and see there's places where maybe you aren't being as authentically you because of others and feeling like you have to accommodate for them and how that can be changed now that can be different. Okay, so self maintenance. You guys ready for the self maintenance? So we talk a lot about what we do for self maintenance. And so, like, a waterfix class would be an example of something that I do for my self maintenance. But we're actually going to talk about what we're going to do less of a self maintenance, which we've touched on more rarely, but we have touched on a little bit because like you, just like you, I find there isn't enough of me to go around.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:32

Do you have that? Do you find that you need to have a little less of stuff in order to be able to take care of yourself better, to start finding the thing each day that you can take out of your schedule and not do so that you have more space? Yes. Interestingly, the thing that I'm going to be doing less of is this podcast, which is challenging for me. In fact, there was going to be a whole episode, mostly about that and what you need to say no to. So you can say more yes in your life. But that was too hard. That episode was too hard for me to do this week. It's been a rollercoaster week. And trying to record that episode was.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:20:14

Was meaning it wasn't getting recorded. So even after 100 episodes, there are still times that things are too tough, which I'm sure you can relate that even after cooking dinner, how many times, even after talking to your kids, how many times, even after doing work, there's just sometimes that things are just a little too hard. So we did this episode today, and we will do that episode in the future to talk more about that decision and doing that. Just not this week. Just not this week. So my self maintenance though, is that we are going to move to having the grit show come out twice a month instead of every week. So that there is more room because I'm at a place that I really need more room and I'm feeling a little stretched then, and that needs to change. And I believe it's possible, though, we're going to do that and see how that works out.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:11

So since this case is going to shift, it is more important than ever to make sure you are subscribed or following from your favorite platform. So wherever you're at right now, you need to hit a button because there's a button somewhere to follow or subscribe so you get those notifications when the episodes come out so that you know when things are happening. Okay. And also, if you're listening today, on the release day, you are listening on my birthday. Is that exciting? I think it's kind of fun. So give me the best birthday gift you can. If you're listening on Spotify immediately, go market five stars right immediately. And if you're listening on Apple or platform that lets you leave a review, a written review, please give those five stars and mention something you enjoy about this podcast.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:57

You can mention that the host is authentic, hopefully authentic, and not that she shares too much. You can say that too. I like you being honest as well. You can talk about the practical ways you can apply what we talk about, that the podcast makes you think and reflect a little bit. You can talk about our constant focus on self care, that every week we talk about ways you can take care of yourself and give examples of self maintenance and try to reframe it. As such, you can share which episode has been your favorite and what you've gotten out of it. It really does help when people are trying to figure out what podcasts to listen to. To have a little bit of information from you about what you value about this podcast can help them decide if this is where they want to be and we want the right people here to be listening and hearing the things that you get to hear every week.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:22:43

So as we walk away, make sure that you're taking some time to reflect about the different ways you show up and if you're able to truly be yourself in the situations or if there's other influences that make you feel like that's harder and start mulling over what you can do to change that. I'm glad you're here. I value the time we shared together today. Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on instagram, @shawnapodcast or @the.grit.show there's even a link in bio @the.grit.show where you can send me an email to let me know what you thought. Today's episode, hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got, and that really does mean something.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:53

I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon, and I hope you're following along or subscribe so that you'll know and be here too.