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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

I have often thought that success and support were all about what I could do and what I bring to the table. My healing journey has taught me a lot of things, and one of the more unexpected things is that it's not all about me. I know you may not be surprised, but I was. It seemed like I had to do the heavy lifting, and I've really learned through this process that it's not really about that at all. It's kind of nice to recognize that one of the most powerful things we can do is to recognize that it's not all about us. Welcome to the Grit show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:00

As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them, and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections. Through my healing journey, I discovered some amazing people, and there have been so many individuals that have made a big difference that I never expected it from. And one example we'll go into today, they weren't necessarily doing their job. They were being themselves or they were somebody who I hadn't even connected with. And they showed up in ways I didn't expect. And it really helped me shift my perspective. We often think that we need to do more, be more, try harder, show up bigger.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:54

The real magic happens when we recognize who people truly are and we give them the opportunity to show up in the way they do best and honor them and respect that. And the more each of us shows up in that way, the more we express ourselves genuinely and give room for others to do that, the more we receive the most amazing blessings because of that. So that's what we are going to be talking about today. It was interesting. I was in the car with my husband talking about me thinking through this episode because I haven't been on the ball with a lot of things. My healing journey has taken some unexpected turns and things are taking longer than expected. So I'm not dialed in and I've been away from doing my podcast for some time. And as we were chatting about it and I was thinking it through, I really thought it was one thing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:45

And he really did bring it back around to the open to receiving component that I have that's part of this. So we will talk about that a little bit as well. But I really want us to also set the scene a little bit and understand how amazing other individuals are and have been and how beautiful that has been. It has been two months, more than two months since my surgery. And the first month I was surprised at how well things went. I was expecting it to be really hard and that seemed to make it easier. And I was impressed how much mindset could set me up for success and to really roll with things and really flow with the process. I was still surprised at how very little I slept.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:35

I was still surprised at how little I read, how little I watched movies, how much effort healing took. I didn't expect it to take up so much space. I really thought it was more resting and relaxing and easing into it and keeping the right mindset when really there was very active process of caring for me and washing clothes, constantly changing bandages and doing all the little pieces to just go through the process. It was surprising to me. It took so much. But if you spoke to me in that first month, I definitely told you that I was doing better than I had any right to be and was surprised at how well I felt considering everything I'd been through. So I definitely had that going for me. Despite developing a blood clot, a DVT, a deep vein thrombosis, technically that went from my knee to my ankle of a clogged up vein.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:36

Because of the whole process and the 14 hour surgery and all the things and necrosis and things that were unexpected and things that happened with the surgery, they're unexpected, so a lot of unexpected things and yet I was doing okay. And then around the one month mark, things started to get a lot harder and that was because I expected for things to start getting better. And even at the eight week mark, they hadn't turned corners. And I came home with a wheelchair and I didn't expect that. I expected to be a lot more mobile than I was and I expected that once I could stand up straight after a month that I'd be, you know, walking the laps around the river like I usually do. And I'm still like walking around the block is that hard for me and that's surprising. So it's been more of a struggle than I expected. And having clear guidance, especially around the wounds and caring for them has been challenging.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:40

I think folks thought we had clear guidance, but I don't know, they recognized how stressful it was and how worrisome it was and how deserted and alone my husband and I felt in this process. I'm so grateful for him. I cannot say that enough. And I'm still in awe of how well our relationship has done and how amazed I am by him and how close we become and the stellar job he has done caring for me. But he really was on his own. We didn't have any home health support. We didn't have a wound care nurse. And he was trying to figure if he was doing things right and if things were going the way they should.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:06:25

And it was a bit overwhelming. For the actual surgery, there was three surgeons involved. And one of the surgeons we continued with after the surgery as our follow up. And we were seeing them weekly when I had drains. And then after the first couple weeks, we were seeing them every two weeks. And that's the time when the wounds were more baffling and I was more confused. And we were coming up with that one month mark, and I thought I should be doing better, and I wasn't. And it was really confusing because this specific surgeon's office didn't have like a.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:05

My chart and a way to reach them. There was texting, but I was clearly told that was for emergencies only. And there was a lot of questions, but they weren't emergencies. And we really didn't seem to have a way to get questions answered. And one of the folks at the office when I called could tell in my voice that I was concerned and overwhelmed and needed support. And this individual was such a gift. Such a gift. And that person showing up, it wasn't their role.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:39

Like, there was a fabulous PA that worked for the surgeon that was there in the surgery, that visited me in the hospital, but they were not part of things. When I went to the office, I just met with the. The surgeon and an MA so it wasn't even one of the MAs. It was somebody who worked in the office who knew that I needed more support. And they were fabulous because when I sent pictures of the wounds and we just got it, that's fine. And not much more information, she called to follow up and said, you can call and talk to me, and then called to follow up again. And I was on the phone for probably 45 minutes processing everything. And she helped me gain perspective on the betrayals I'd been through in this surgery process and the ways I'd been let down and why I was having a hard time trusting and why it was so hard to be going two weeks between appointments when I didn't even fully understand what was happening.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:36

I thought we'd healed what was not right and it still wasn't taken care of. And honestly, the place where I have the wounds is not a visible place for me. And my. And I didn't even realize what my husband was working so hard to take care of. And this individual showed up and was so compassionate and so understanding and this is not their job. They were not. They're part of the medical office, but they're not part of the medical team directly. And they were so supportive and so wonderful and it made all the difference at that point in time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:15

And one of the other surgeons that was not the one I see for follow up has been amazing. That surgeon has been phenomenal from the very start. Such a huge gift. And that's because of who that person is and the way they listen and show up and hear questions and respond. And so much of all of this is who people are and the way they show up. And I am so grateful that person showed up in that way. And it really reminded me for each of us, no matter what our jobs are, no matter what we're doing in life, us showing up authentically as ourselves, in our interactions can be so impactful for others and make such a big difference. I think that that's an important thing for us to remember.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:03

It's not about me, it's about them. It's about them being in a place and them being the humans that are wanting to connect and be receptive and responsive to the needs of others and to really listen and to be present and to be that for them. And this has been a continual theme throughout my healing journey because I live in a community that I haven't been in for very long and have worked from home while I've lived here. So I haven't made a lot of connections in this community. And there is one incredible woman, incredible woman who I have met that has shown up like you wouldn't believe. So shout out to Kim. We're going to name her because we have to. She's amazing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:49

And she has shown up so much time and time again. Today my husband has gone back to work two days a week and it has been a huge struggle because he works 10 hours a day. And there's still a lot of care that is needed for me right now. And. And she came by today to help me deal with some stuff with my bandages that I couldn't take care of by myself so that he wouldn't have to leave work and come all the way home to help me with it. And she has given me showers. She has shown up so that he can take a morning off and go play golf on the weekends when he needs a break. Because my care has been 24/7 and been intense.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:11:29

And she's been amazing. And that's completely who she is. She is that wonderful, giving human being that shows up for others and just is so loving and so caring and so giving. And that's completely who she is. And I am so grateful and so blessed that of the few connections I have in this community, that she is one of them because she has shown up so wholly and so completely. And my husband, who's been amazing, that is who he is. He is such an incredible, loving, supportive person. And love is enough.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:07

And that has made it possible for him to be trapped in our house way more than he would ever want to be, to be giving me this care and that he is so diligent and does so much for me. It's not all about me, it's about them. And there are things that I facilitate and to be open for all of this, but part of it is them. And the biggest thing that I do is to be a person who lets people know what I need and am open to receiving those things. And that's the thing that my husband pointed out when we were talking in the car about this episode with the example of the amazing individual that works at the surgeon's office who showed up and was so responsive and so supportive and really helped me get to a better place when I was so overwhelmed and needing so much more support for my recovery. I needed somebody to help me, to see why it was so hard for me to be trusting and feeling so overwhelmed with everything and feeling so ill informed and unsure about everything. And my husband pointed out that I was willing to talk to the person that answered the phone, that I kept reaching out and kept saying and kept giving chances. She was so much part of that that made it better.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:26

But there's a piece that you need to be able to hold that space without expectation, to allow opportunity for people to be who they are and for the right people to show up. And that is such a critical part of the whole process. The fundraising we have done as part of my healing journey is also an excellent example of that. We are at 90% of our goal. I'm actually hugely hopeful that by end of June we will reach a hundred percent of our goal. But we've raised over $16,000, which I am so humbled and so amazed that that is even possible. And we are so close to our goal. And when I look at the list of amazing individuals who have so selfish, so selflessly shown up and given in this way, the things I would have thought were the common traits are not the common traits.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:14:28

It's not how long they've known me. It's not how close they are to me. It's not about me. It's not about me. It's about them. It is 100% about them. It is about the individuals who show up and are in a place where. That's also part of it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:14:48

Right? Because we're not all in a place to give financially, but who are in the place to do that and to have those giving souls that want to show up in that way, that want to be of support, that understand the journey and the struggle, and want to give in that way. And I've mentioned in various places, I don't know if I've mentioned it here on the podcast, but definitely on my social media, how amazed I've been by the author community, the writing community, and how other writers have shown up. There's one writer who gave a very generous donation, who I've only met in person once and virtually a couple of times. And I was so touched by that. I don't know them well enough to know exactly why, but it has to be because of who they are and perhaps because they understand the struggle as an entrepreneur, as a writer, as somebody like making their way and not having other things to fall back on, perhaps. But it amazes me, the people that have shown up, people that I haven't talked to in decades, literally decades, that show up and give in beautiful, generous ways. And it's about who they are. There's an element that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:12

That I'm someone who has lived in many places and moved in multiple circles and touched different people. And that is part of it. And I try to be authentic to who I am and a genuine individual as I move through life. Right? I try to be that. But the bigger piece is who they are. And I've just been somebody who's been open in life, so I've had an opportunity to connect with more of those individuals. And that's 100% which make this possible. Right? And even my husband has a group of individuals that he connects with that gave, came together and gave a generous donation.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:56

The people he works with were generous. And during the month of May, they provided meals two days a week for us. The people that did that, they consistently showed up and were the ones that brought the food, is because of who they were, that they Were the individuals that show up like that and give like that and do those things, and it's 100% about them and who they are. Like, he's a wonderful individual. Everyone that he works with loves him and they all love him. But not everyone gave money or gave food. And it wasn't the people that had the best jobs that he worked with that gave the most or did the most. It was about the people that had those that heart to give and to be that way and show up that way.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:38

Him being willing to ask that, which is not an easy thing to do, honestly. It's not easy to let people know that you need something and to be able to do that without expectation of receiving it, that's the harder part. Right. That's how it has to come together. You had to be open to receive and not have expectation of others being the solution to that, but trusting that there will be a solution to that. Right. So even as we haven't received all of the funds that we have on the GoFundMe, we've had people show up in some other ways. It's really helped to buffer things.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:17

And we've had surprise expenses come up, like my husband's employer, because he's been off to be with me, which I'm so grateful for. That's worth every cent we've had to pay towards his out of pocket, towards his insurance and everything else. But that was $900 a month that we've had to pay towards that that we didn't expect to pay. And that's a significant expense. It wasn't factored into the goals that we set for our fundraising. There was something else that was a significant expense too, that came up, which obviously I just had to put on my mind because we just got to work it out, we got to figure it out. It will all come together and we just got to trust it'll all work out. I am amazed, amazed that we've raised as much as we've had.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:59

And a bonus of there's a resource that gives you two free cleanings when you have a cancer diagnosis that I'm so grateful for, because we paid for one cleaning more than I expected to pay and trying to find a resource to do cleaning because we had a shuffle with all that. And then we got two free cleanings, so we didn't have to pay for two of them. So although we had to pay for the insurance out of pocket, we didn't have to pay for cleaning. And that was two of the cleanings. And that's Part of what the money was going towards. And we received I think $200, $250 in gift cards for DoorDash, which you only we haven't used all that up yet. So that helped to offset that as well. And we've had a few other people send us just money specifically on Venmo, just for food, which we, we did add that into the total on there.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:49

But that those gifts towards the food because that's part of the expense right now. We honestly did not eat until 9 o' clock at night. My husband's second day back at work, his first day back at work, I had somebody that was with me, a friend of mine from out of state who came and was with me that day and she made dinner. He helped too when he got home, but she made dinner and then the date that he had to come home from work and we had to do all of my care and get everything situated. By the time everything got settled and he actually did, he, he ordered and had to go pick up food and we should have used DoorDash probably right. He went and picked up food and by the time we got food, we didn't eat till 9 o' clock at night, which is not ideal for my healing. So there have been like little setbacks like that. And we've had ordering, trying to figure out clothes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:20:38

They told me I didn't have to have certain items and I did have to have them. And we've had these, these wound care and ordering stuff to take care for their wounds. So we've had like a lot of miscellaneous expenses along the way. But folks have been amazing with ordering miscellaneous items off of Amazon and the Juven that I received, which I need more. So I need to make sure I add that back to my Amazon list to get more of that. But folks have shown up in so many beautiful ways and it's a hundred percent. A friend of mine's mom, my friend was even surprised and tickled by what her mom showed up and got for me. A colleague that I worked with years ago.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:13

Like so many beautiful people have shown up in such incredible ways and it is 100% who they are. It's not me, it's them. And I mean that in the most beautiful way. And I've been fortunate that I have connected and managed to touch these people and that we have social media. This is this beautiful thing about social media where they could hear my story and know that I'm at a time where I need support and they've shown up and it's been so beautiful. And I'm grateful for the people that have shown up with thoughts and photos. I have an unlikely individual who has been so diligent about sending me beautiful photos of flowers on her walks because that's something I specifically said I would really appreciate having. And if you're on social media, if you follow me on Instagram or on Facebook, you can also get that from the show notes, post photos of flowers on your walks, especially because I'm still not getting out as much as I want to.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:22:17

And you can also taunt me this summer. I'm not allowed to go anywhere near lakes or rivers. I can't go kayaking and paddleboarding. Maybe if there's warm weather in September, if I'm healed enough, I might be able to. But because of my open wounds, there's a very much a terse joking about what could happen to me if I got the wrong bit of water splashed into my wounds that I'm not allowed to be anywhere near water unless it's coming out of a faucet. So, yeah, unfortunately, I'm not allowed to do some of my favorite things or be near water, not even out on a boat. So you can send me, you can taunt me with beautiful pictures of lakes and water this summer on my Instagram and my Facebook. I would enjoy that greatly.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:04

But, yeah, showing up in that way, that beautiful way of sending me those photos of little things to brighten my day. And people, it's them. That's who they are. So the most unlikely people who have known me for the shortest periods of time are showing up in these beautiful ways because of the fact that's who they are and that's what they do, that they want to connect to be supportive of other individuals. And it's freeing because it's less pressure. I don't have to be anybody specific and special. I can just be me. And then the people who are those people will show up and be that way and support me in that way as well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:54

And it's okay if people that might be related to me or people that I might have known for a long time or other individuals don't or can't, that's okay. And part of it is capacity as well, right? Because I could have my closest person and they don't have the capacity for this right now. And that's okay because somebody else will and they'll show up. And that's the beauty of the letting go of expectations. But still having trust is the expectations mean that I could expect that, you know, well, my husband has been amazing, but I honestly did not expect he would be this amazing. But if I expected that this one person had to come, that they had to fly in and be my support and be here for the entire time or something, and they couldn't, then I would have huge amounts of disappointment. Instead of me just knowing that I needed support if I was going to do this surgery, that I needed to have somebody. We need Mills to show up and I need to figure out what I need.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:00

So me defining what I need and be able to articulate it and just trust it would work out and not expect it was a specific person in a specific way on a certain day that that left room for those things to happen. Because there are those people. And if I leave room and space instead of like cornering myself with expectations and they leave room and space, those people show up because they exist. And sometimes there's someone working at the office and not if I expected to be the PA that worked at that office, it wouldn't have worked out. But it happened to be somebody else at that office that showed up in the way I needed for that support. And so that's the danger of expectations. Because everyone has so much going on that even if they are that person at heart. Like, have I named my friends that I know are giving good individuals? They may not have the capacity today or right now.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:53

They have their own stuff going on and so they can't show up in that way. So I need to be open for who it can be and trust that there are so many good hearted, wonderful individuals and let things show up in their own way. One of the beautiful gifts that I've received today was literal coupons for specific meals at a place that has healthy dishes in town. Because I've been stressing about my beautiful husband working 10 hour days and trying to figure out if maybe I could try to start cooking dinners when I haven't been up for very much. Like, seriously, y' all, it's been. I think my surgeon finally got it when he asked me what my functioning was last week and I said 20%. And he was shocked that it was at 20%. Cause I've been shocked at the 20%, but thought that they thought that was normal.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:26:50

I'm very confused by all of this. And literally, like, I can only do two to three hours. I sat up with my friend who was in town while my husband had his first day of work and she helped me. She literally had to help me. But she helped me go through the last of my medical Bills to like organize them and sort them and make sure I'd paid off the loss of everything I had to pay off with my medical expenses. And when we were sorting, organizing and doing the payments like I was exhausted afterwards and I haven't been sleeping, so I didn't sleep but I couldn't do anything else. I could barely do a walk after I did that and was almost in tears because I was so overwhelmed by it. So I have like two to three hours in me a day for anything.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:27:36

And so if I could probably cook dinner, but that's about, you know, that hour and a half is like the two to three hours of the day that I have. And that maybe what I need to do on the days of my husband work is get myself showered and make dinner so that we can eat and make myself lunch because that's about all that I can do when he has his 10 hour days because that's so much to ask of him when he gets home. Anyways, that was my concern. And so somebody totally just showed up and gave me these great vouchers for a dish that I like at a local restaurant that is a healthier meal that, that we can get on those days. So there's a little less to worry about. And so me having to figure out if I can do that and I should probably try at least one night or once a week to try and make dinner and hopefully my functioning will start improving rapidly soon. We're just going to turn a magical corner, right? Until then, I am learning all I can from this process and having immense patience with my body and understanding that things just work out that way. The bottom line of all of this is that I've learned so much about it's not about me, it's about every other individual on this planet showing up in their own beautiful way and me leaving space for that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:28:59

And the other lesson from that is that each of us showing up as we are is so important. Wherever we are, simply being who we are has this beautiful ripple effect. And being authentic can transform ordinary interactions and make such a big impact. So we need to be aware that we don't need to dim ourselves and we can show up as we are in the ways we can and it can make such a beautiful impact and we don't need to be limited by roles and our capacity. Like I said, the photos one person is sending has been really impactful for me. And the same time as somebody gifting me a 45 minute call that was not part of their workday to help me process and feel heard, to feel better about where I was at with my healing, as well as generous financial donations from people that that was what they could do. So we all have different ways to give and they're all meaningful to somebody. Bringing me the little gift cards for the meals so that we have that and other people bringing us meals.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:30:11

Right? So all these different things, like, we just need to bring our full selves to each situation and we can make an impact. And we also need to be vulnerable and be willing to let people know what we need. And a big part of that is us realizing what we need. Right? Because the love of my life, he's incredible. And his first reaction would be that he needs to make me dinner, he needs to take care of my wounds, he needs to leave work and drive all the way here and take care of something that's not working and try to work a full day and try to do everything versus me calling my friend who was generous and came over to help me with the bandage issue that I was having today, that could hold me over until he got home and couldn't and made sure that he had the coupons for dinner so that he doesn't have to cook dinner tonight and I can have a healthy meal that's gonna be good with high protein, that's gonna help with my healing. So being vulnerable and accepting help and being open to receive is not easy. But being open created opportunities for others to show up. And then we ourselves, being that person, being authentically ourselves has this magical ripple effect that's just so important, and I feel like that is so beautiful.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:36

And there is this element of me being open and this me being authentically or trying has made a difference, I'm sure. And the success of both the GoFundMe and the other ways that I've been able to receive so much support during this time. But creating that space for others to give their gifts is also a beautiful piece for us all to think about. And in the end, this beautiful paradox that we need to focus less on what we can do and more on who we can be to actually create more impact. I'm just going to let you sit with that for a minute. To focus less on what we can do and more being authentically who we are and who we can be, and that that is the real impact. So being your authentic self is your superpower, regardless of your official role. Keep doing that and keep showing up.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:32:35

And so if you're in a place right now that you need support, keep being open to receiving and knowing that that's not always passive, that we need to honor others gifts in that process and be specific about what we need. And that little lesson I had in there conversation, I hope you heard that about that expectation, letting go of that expectation about exactly where it comes from and opening ourselves to let it flow in where it can. Because sometimes it doesn't come from where we expect it and to remember that we don't always have to be doing more, we can simply be more of who we already are and that can invite in the things that we need. So I'm hugely grateful if you're listening to this and if you have been one of the people that have shown up for me, even if I didn't name you specifically, I am so grateful for you and I hope you realize that you have made an impact and such a difference. This has been such a long road for me and remaining open for this long, I'm hoping it will have stretched me in ways that will continue to make it so that I can be open to receiving and understanding what my needs are. But I hope that this gratitude I feel will be something that continues and I continue to express that to all the individuals that have shown up for me. And so as you move from this conversation, I hope that you really think about your ways of authentically being who you are and showing up for others, but also refining and opening yourself to receive from others as well. Because who you are is exactly what someone is needing in some way, just exactly as you are in the ways that you can show up.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:24

So keep doing that and this ripple effect is that you will also be getting what you need as well. Thank you so much for showing up today. I hope this has given you some food for thought as I've had lots of time for reflecting and getting food for thought myself. Thank you for being a part of this.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:43

I value the time we shared together today. Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram, @shawnapodcasts or @the.grit.show. There's even a link in bio @the.grit.show where you can send me an email to let me know what you thought today's episode.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:11

Hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got and that really does mean something. I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon. And I hope you're following along or subscribed so that you'll know and be here too.