Episode 37

Published on:

28th Feb 2023

Lessons Learned on Vulnerability from Daring Greatly -37

This week we get up close and personal on a hard topic, vulnerability. Fortunately, we have Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly to help guide us as we navigate through. If you haven’t read Daring Greatly, this barely scratches the surfaces and primes the pump, so if this episode connects with you, you’ll definitely want to add it to your reading list. If you have read it, this is a great opportunity to revisit the myths around vulnerability and to take a moment to reflect on how you are applying this to your life, and how you might look at things with new lenses and examples. 

We primarily focus on the vulnerability myths that Brene talks about in her book. Some are bound to feel familiar. Perhaps the myth you can go it alone? Or vulnerability is a weakness? We’ll even talk about some boundaries that go with vulnerability and figuring out who you can trust. I even trust you with some pretty stark examples of vulnerable points in my life. I’m sure it will bring to mind vulnerable points in yours and reinforce the relationships that were of value. 

We also take a moment to reflect on Shame and Shame Resilience, because no conversation around vulnerability, Daring Greatly, or Brene Brown would be complete without it. It is only a small reflection, so be sure to explore some of Brene’s other work or send me a note on where you should start if this connects with you and is something you want to explore further.

If you are interested in reading “Daring Greatly” snag your copy here- https://bookshop.org/a/90599/9781592408412 

Other Books by Brene Brown:

Rising Strong

The Gifts of Imperfection

Braving the Wilderness

A little about your host –

Shawna Rodrigues is an entrepreneur, author, and consultant who found the alignment of her many talents and passions in podcasting. After launching her podcast, The Grit Show, she soon learned that women host only 27% of top-rated podcasts. It was understandable given the many challenges in sustaining a podcast. To combat this she launched the Authentic Connections Network; taking the tech and stress out of podcasting, and amplifying women’s voices. Connect with her on Instagram- @ShawnaPodcasts.

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Shawna Rodrigues 0:00

Just a shot in the dark hair. Are you someone who feels uncomfortable with the idea of being vulnerable? It makes sense. It's actually pretty healthy. Vulnerability should involve some discomfort. This kind of wrapped into the definition, right? Although I'm sure you've heard, or on some level, you know that there are some amazing connections and experiences just on the other side of being vulnerable. Today, we're going to chat a little bit about vulnerability through the lens of Brene Browns, amazing book, Daring Greatly.

Shawna Rodrigues 0:40

Welcome to The Grit Show. Growth on purpose. I'm glad you're here. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues. And I'm honored that you joined me on this journey, as part of this community growing together as seekers and thrivers. If you haven't gotten your copy of our free coloring pages to support you on your self care journey, jump on over to coloringpages.thegritshow.com to download those and get added to our mailing list. The link is in the show notes, which makes it easy to find.

Shawna Rodrigues 1:11

Today, you get a shorter, solo episode. It's just me. I get you one on one. And I'm very excited to dive in and chat with you a bit about someone else's work and concepts that I found extremely powerful and valuable. Brene Brown is a PhD and a researcher. She's also a social worker, and a storyteller. She has multiple books you may be familiar with, from the Gifts of Imperfection, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, and Dare to Leave, as well as Daring Greatly, which will be the focus of our conversation today. I'm a big fan of her work. And not just because of my long current social worker, and my heart as a storyteller, I'm sure that helps. If you know Brene, or if you've seen her speak or heard about her, she connects and she relate. She does research, that tells a story. And it makes an impact.

Shawna Rodrigues 2:05

Her work is also very easy to apply. And being here on The Grit Show, you know that's what we like. We like things that you can immediately reflect on and see reflected in your life. We can't begin a conversation about Daring Greatly without starting with vulnerability. And because of time, that's really going to be the majority of our focus. So we're going to start with definitions, right? Keep it simple.

Shawna Rodrigues 2:31

So the definition from Merriam Webster, around vulnerability is capable of being wounded or open to attack or damage. It seems like the conversation might end right there. Right? Why would you want to be those things? What could be the benefit of being capable of being wounded or open to attack or damage, right? Most of what we work for in, in policy and in wars and everything else is you try to not be vulnerable. We try to prevent those things from happening. From being wounded or attacked or damaged. However, in the book, Renee notes very succinctly, the vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is a source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. Which I mean, love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, creativity, hope, empathy, accountability, all of those words, authenticity, like those are all the words. Then when we think of what we want in our life, like that pretty much just defines them. So it seems to get to all the places we want to be, and have all the things we want to have that we need to start with vulnerability.

Shawna Rodrigues 3:47

So that's why today, we're going to have a conversation about vulnerability as a doorway to get to all the good stuff. Because the life you want, is likely just on the other side of vulnerability. So to have this conversation, we're mostly going to focus on the part of the book where she kind of unpacks and looks at the myths related to vulnerability. Because I think that's where most of us are, that the blockages for us, the places that make it hard to be vulnerable are these myths that we kind of hold around it. So we're going to touch on those and kind of unpack that a little bit as our starting place to kind of look at ourselves, and why we find it hard to be vulnerable. And how we can be vulnerable in a way that's smart. Because again, we started with the definition, right? The definition alone makes you take pause to be like, why would I want to be vulnerable? Well, because they want all these amazing things that come with it. And because that's where I look for my connections to other people. That's what draws me to that. That is the good stuff is the vulnerability. So if that's what we want, then how can we kind of unpack what is preventing us from being there and from having.

Shawna Rodrigues 5:05

So the first myth we're going to look at is vulnerability is weakness. And so for that, again, we're gonna go back to the book, and we're gonna look at a quote that she actually has in here that says, we spend our lives pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable, or from being perceived as too emotional. We feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, back it up, and soldier on. It comes to the point where rather than respecting and appreciating the courage and daring behind vulnerability, we let our fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism. So there's this piece that to some extent, some of us when we see vulnerability, because we have such a strong belief that is a weakness, do we actually judge others who are vulnerable. And some of that comes from, as humans, we can have a hard time with emotions, with feeling, even though they are at the root, one of the most important parts of the human experience. This is something that I hope that we'll get into later, in the podcast, in a future episode, because it's something I'm still learning about which I'm amused, I have so much to learn about, considering I have a master's degree and a clinical license that I kind of missed. Some of us like to have a good understanding of it with young children and not so much with my own life. But adults and that type of piece, it's amusing how I work so hard to be a specialist with working with children and with other people so that I didn't have to apply things to my own life. Yeah, that has a vulnerability thing, too. And the reasons we're having this podcast. But this much I know, vulnerability, and the emotions that come with it is something we all need to reckon with a bit to be able to show up more authentically and get what we want in life. And so with looking at what I read, about pushing away and protecting ourselves from feeling vulnerable, or being too emotional, something we do, because it's kind of a scary feeling, when we don't know what to do with it, and we're not familiar and comfortable with it. So we do tend to judge and we do push away, we do see it as weakness, instead of finding the strength in it. And so that is part of what we need to work for. And to see that as a strength. And oftentimes, so we can find the people, we see it as a strength in that we can then see as a strength in ourselves. And Brene Brown, if you're familiar with her, I think it's one of the great things that she's brought to the conversation is that you see her and her own journey and see that as something you admire, and somebody you can connect with. And it makes it easier for you as a leader to see that and connect with that. And as you look at the people in your life, who have been vulnerable with you, and those moments you've connected with them, that's when you start to have that. So I feel like that the vulnerability is weakness. Myth is easiest busted when we find others, that we see it as a strength, and we can slowly apply that to ourselves. So that's a myth you kind of prescribed twice, like that's the place to start is to start to see where you see as a strength. And to understand that that connection that we all want and that authenticity we all want. It's just on the other side of it.

Shawna Rodrigues 8:30

The second myth is just as simple. I don't do vulnerability. How many of you are like, Yeah, that's me. I just don't do vulnerability. I think that I was that way for a long time and didn't even realize I was that way for a long time. And part of that, I think that for everyone listening, the part of that can be, you know, a defense mechanism. But also sometimes we're worried that our truth isn't enough that we've been through some hard things. I think that everyone listening, one reason you're here, one reason this is the podcast you've chosen, is because you've been through some hard things. Like I've said, The Grit Show, that title is because we've been through the things. And that is why we've got the grit. That's why we're here. This is the name describes the people that are in the audience. So what we've been through is hard. We made through but it was hard. And that's why you're here. And it took a toll to get to the other side of that. And it's sometimes hard for others to see that toll. And even if they see that, we don't need their judgments. And sometimes we're still recovering ourselves and we don't have space for their judgment.

Shawna Rodrigues 9:56

And it's been amazing for me, like when I've even gotten to a place to share some things, which we'll talk about this a little bit later. But I went through a very difficult time where I was actually fired from a job that I had. A job that I was amazing at. And I can say that without flinching, I knew at the time that I was amazed at it. But, of course, once you get fired, you question everything. But I had actually reported to HR that I had been sexually harassed shortly before the bizarre firing that took place. And those two things were directly related. And I still stand firmly behind the fact they were and there's a lot of complications that go with all of that. But I still remember the first time that I told somebody whom I thought very highly of. She was somebody that had previously been involved in my organization. And I was so worried about other people's way of taking this because I can't barely explain it, it's not supposed to happen. It's not a real thing. Like, you know, people don't do that. You don't want to believe that can happen to you, like, how are other people supposed to believe it happened to you? And I had somebody that I worked with that I thought highly of who said, Oh, Oh, sweetie, like they can't, they can't do that. That's not legal to do that. I'm aware that's not legal. Thank you. That's why have an attorney. That's why there's a whole process around it. They did. Also illegal to kill people that it happened. That's why we have a legal system, that people do things that aren't legal. But it's supposed to be things that like that, what made it hard, and I was very careful who I even share that with because it was still very fresh, right. And then to have that be the response. And so that's why it can be hard to be vulnerable, because the fact that people don't understand. And so, it's, it's hard if you've gotten to a space where you can speak about it with an even tone, even now I'm sharing it with all of you in a very even tone. It has been years since that occurred, I've done so much to remedy myself and my career and everything since that happened. And so I can speak with an even tone but even when you say it, then it was like oh, that was nothing. It didn't affect her. Right? It isn't a big deal. But of course it did it. Of course, it had a huge weight.

Shawna Rodrigues:

I still remember the wonderful friend, very well intending friend who I think highly of still who called me to let me know how much less money I would make over my lifetime because that had happened. And I was like, this, this isn't helping. Like, I love you but this isn't helping. And so it's hard to do vulnerability when you don't know how people are going to respond. Because it is such a complicated dance, right? Be able to convey what we've been through, being authentic about the level of effect it's had on you, and being worried about being judged based on it. So it's a struggle, like it's a struggle about it. But the truth of the matter is, we're all vulnerable, like I was still vulnerable, whether I shared it with somebody or not.

Shawna Rodrigues:

And so this myth, I don't have vulnerability, this myth that I could pretend that I wasn't vulnerable. No, I was very vulnerable. And there was people that I shared things with that it took a little bit of a hit when I shared it with them. But there was so many other people that I shared it with them and it was such a healing experience and their connection and their ability helps me get to a better place with it. And you have to go ahead and do that to find the good and the bad. And you had to walk through those places and find the people that are going to be the supports and the right people. It didn't change, like the definition of vulnerability, like if we go back to that I was vulnerable. Like there was no way I wasn't vulnerable. It's just how alone and vulnerable I was, versus being vulnerable and connected and authentic, and healing and getting to the other side of it. And so that's the myth of I don't do vulnerability, like you're, you're vulnerable, whether you're going to share it or you're not going to share it. And so it's a matter of finding your people and, and being safe and vulnerable, small ways so you can find that network that can support you, if that makes sense.

Shawna Rodrigues:

And then the third myth is vulnerable is letting it all hanging out. So if you're vulnerable, you have no boundaries, and everything is everywhere, and that it's not safe to be vulnerable, and everything is just all over the place. And I know we've all experienced someone who is in a place where they can't hold boundaries, but you can be vulnerable and still have boundaries and choose who you're vulnerable with. And obviously, with my examples that I gave, the one friend who gave me the quote about how much less I would make over my lifetime. Because the fact that I've been fired after reporting sexual harassment, she is somebody who is still a good friend. And she's redeemed herself and been a great friend in a million ways since then, right. But the other person that professionally that I approached, and she had that response of Oh, sweetie, that can't happen, she's not somebody that I continue to share that experience with or went back to, It's not somebody uses a professional resource after that occurred. So as well as things that you can have boundaries, and you can do that. So the quote from the book because like, the research, again, because Brene Brown's, a researcher, is that, you know, not everyone is safe to be vulnerable with and not every situation is safe to be vulnerable. And, and so you have to judge and kind of figure that out. And so the exact quote from the book is we need to feel trust to be vulnerable, I mean, to be vulnerable in order to trust, complicated mix, right? So it's a cyclical thing, a chicken and egg thing, yeah, to have one day together to have the other to have the other. And so you got to kind of, like build it slowly and build it in.

Shawna Rodrigues:

And so the analogy that Brene Brown uses, she came up with it with her daughter, they had a marble jar in the classroom. So I'm sure most of you are familiar with it. When things go well in the classroom, like a teacher adds a marble to the marble jar. And so that, that's kind of how you slowly build up is by judging how many marbles you have in the marble jar to see if you can trust somebody. And it's a little things that you know, like, who remembered the name of your partner, who asked about how your weekend was, the little ways you build trust, like see who are people you can be safe with, right? And so in that example, that's kind of how you build it. So you kind of stop and evaluate. And if you have kids, it's great for you to start working with them to evaluate who are your people that you're building trust with, like, what are signs of trust, so that they can learn who are the people that they can be vulnerable with, and they can be safe with and share things with, and who are they building those relationships with. And as much as she uses the analogy of a marble jar, I'm definitely more of a fan of the analogy of a plant, because she does talk in the book about you have to keep investing. It's, it can be devastating to relationship to stop investing in the relationship and to stop doing those little things and the damage that can cause with your partner, with your kids, if you just stopped doing those little investments. So that's why for me, it's much more like a seed you plant. And so when you plant your garden, you can put in, you know, 10 corn seeds. And I guess they're kernels. My bad. But 10 flower seeds, well go flowers. You plant in 10 little flower seeds, when you plant 10 flower seeds, only three of them might come up, even though you're watering them the same, and whatever else, like three of them will kind of take root. And that's the same when you start a new school, when you start a new job, when you enter a new environment, depends on that environment and what takes root or what doesn't take root, it can kind of change what is going to grow and what is going to take seed, but for it to continue to grow, you have to keep watering it. You have to keep adding to it. And so it is important to keep adding to those relationships and making sure that they continue to, to thrive. So, because Brene does talk about the disengagement trekkers in that chapter that are damaging to vulnerability, and sometimes, like you care anymore, because those acts of connection are gone. So that disengagement can make things. So that's why for me, it's much more like a plant. And you can continue to inquire about what's happening in your kid's world, even if they response is incoherent. You still love to water.

Shawna Rodrigues:

So unfortunately, there are plants that are called resurrection plans if you've heard of them, like I think it's called a tyranny and violet, they can survive like 250 years of dehydration and freezing. But if you just tend to it again, it comes right back. And I feel like a lot of my relationships, that's when I planted because I can walk away from them for a long time and just a little bit attending and they come right back. And so it doesn't have to be a plant that's as you know, fickle as an orchid, to be more like a dandelion where you think it's gone forever. And then you just you know, every summer it comes back, you would think it's gone. So it doesn't have to be as delicate as an orchid. But there are different relationships that have different level of tending that they need. But to think of that, as you work with your kids and work with yourself and think about his relationships, that they are something you tend to and that you, you add the water to keep them alive and think about who's tended to the relationships and who's added to them. And that you need to feel trust, be vulnerable and need to be vulnerable in order to trust and that you need to add those in small ways. And it starts in small ways of trust, that can kind of build and become more of that. And so that you aren't just trusting anybody that there are boundaries about who you trust, and then it makes a difference and it builds on it as you do it over time.

Shawna Rodrigues:

So the man that I enthusiasically share my life with, our first lunch after not seeing each other for 20 years. There's a lot going on in my life and he definitely did not hear about it that day. We hadn't seen each other for 20 years. In fact, the, the third time we hung out, which is a few weeks after that, he was pretty mystified that only wanted to meet for like a happy hour, and they didn't want to go out with his friends. And it was a matter of just I was at capacity, I was dealing with a medical situation with a family member, I had a larger legal context that was suffocating my family and I was at capacity. And so as much as two hours with somebody that I used to know who had hung out with a couple times, and it was a steep conduct so I would enjoy and I would have a good time. Because you know, even then self, self care is very important that time my life, an evening with a bunch of people that I did not know, having small talk and engage, I just was not capable of that. And so having that balance of you know where that was at, and getting to know him and getting for them to that relationship. And so we all have that rewalked those little lines, if we give this much, we give this much. And then just grows from there. And so it's important that you spend that time to kind of gauge how much information you give and how much you share as you as you grow in your relationships, because obviously now, he, he knows everything about me. But it took time to grow that trust, and it was a matter of he actually came up to help me hang cabinets. And we ended up sharing like everything, well my everything, some pretty big highlights that made it easy fill and all the other details. We spend that time together and had built that trust. And now he gets to walk the balance with me as I share in a podcast that we're postponing our wedding, that I was fired many months ago, and that we spent six months waiting to see if I had metastatic brain cancer. And so that's something that like we've grown into, and that we've figured out together. So as long as there are things that you, you figure out where those things are, where those lines are, and that for everyone, it can be different that you have that say about, you can share this much with this person and that much with a different person, it makes a difference.

Shawna Rodrigues:

Now, as we wrap this up, I just want to go back to something that I talked about on episode 18. With our guest, Donna Barker. She talked about writing from the scars, not the wound. And sometimes our boundaries when it comes to our vulnerabilities kind of connects to that. Because I know that when we're here, I am very open with you about some very vulnerable personal things that I've been through. And I want to model that, I want you to see that, I want to be part of that conversation. And for you to know that. There's also an element that I'm speaking from those scars, not from the wounds. That there are things that have happened in my week, in my day and my month, in the last three months that I don't speak to the same. And I think that when you have that question about vulnerability and knowing those boundaries to remember, I mean, I've shared with you the story of how few people I told about my metastatic brain cancer when I was actually going through that. And to be able to realize that what I was going through that, it was very limited who I talked to about that. I definitely didn't do a podcast episode while it was happening. And in episode four, Bucket Lists, I talk more about that. But now that I'm in a different phase with that, and it is a scar and not a wound, I can speak more about that.

Shawna Rodrigues:

So as you look at your boundaries, sometimes that vulnerable piece, if we go back to the definition of vulnerability, right, and me talking about the sharing when you are vulnerable, that myth around that, that you are vulnerable, whether you're sharing it with others or not, that being more particular about who you're sharing with, depending on if it's still a wound and where you're at in that process and how vulnerable you are dictates how many people you're sharing and who you're sharing with, and how much you can share. So hopefully that conversation with Donna Barker and that I love that. And she shared that about with writing, so she was sharing about it in an episode.

Shawna Rodrigues:

So our last myth that we're gonna talk about is about, we can go it alone, is the fourth myth on vulnerability. And this is one that I definitely was guilty of, after reading, Daring Greatly the first time when I read it some time ago, one of the notes I wrote to myself was that, I would tend to like electing romantic partners who saw vulnerability as a liability, which made it easy to never be vulnerable with them. Kind of protected myself there. Ironically, I might have also worked to help them be more vulnerable because, you know, clinical degree training as a therapist, I don't know. And in overall I tend to do that with people, while at the same time not applying the same rules to myself. And so one way, is noticing how challenged you are to receive help. And if you go back to Episode 35, when I talked to Josh and Diane, you might remember that I specifically asked them about how easy it was to ask for help. And both of them trying to answer that question. And the reason I asked that as knowing for me, that was a big step, in entering that amazing relationship I have was being able to ask for help. And for my partner, that was something he needed to work on as well was being able to receive help. Asking for help still isn't something he still works with, right. But even receiving help for him was a challenge. And there's something that's in the book, Daring Greatly, very specific on this, that mentions about when we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attached judgment to giving help.

Shawna Rodrigues:

Let me say that again, when we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help. That is the phrase I read a few times when I read the book. So if you don't think you attach judgment to offering help, but you definitely have judgment about receiving help, there's a chance that you're judging unknowingly, that that knee jerk first reaction you have, when your sister calls asking for support, or when somebody needs something, even though you go do it, because you have to. And that's how you define yourself as somebody is helpful, that you're judging them, because you don't ask for help or receive help well, and so in order for you to give more freely, you need to receive more freely. So did you get that? So in order for you to give more freely, which chances are you want to do, you have to receive more freely, and you have to ask for help. And recognize you can't do it alone.

Shawna Rodrigues:

That was a big concept for me. And I think that that's one of the places where in my life, I've improved the most and grown the most because I love my father. And growing up, I wanted to be like him who's very independent, he didn't need other people and I want to be independent. But he's also very helpful. So I want to help everyone but not need help myself. And that's not actually how that all works. And so I really think that looking at Daring Greatly and looking at that for myself and understanding my need to be able to accept help, being a key component of me being able to give help. And me finding out how to ask for help was a really important thing.

Shawna Rodrigues:

Again, we go back to the story of me letting you, now the love my life or fiance into my world was him and driving up to help me hang cabinets was a big deal, but I let them come do that. And look where it got me. So yeah, you really did, it really was actually painting and he kept us on the wall, y'all. It was no, no, you can listen there, No doublespeak, it's part of our story. Being able to receive help, even though it started as him offering to help me boxes turned into to that quite a story anyway, when thinking along these lines, it's a whole way of not going it alone is you thinking about what draws you to others, what makes you connect to them is that authenticity, the joy, all those things that comes from their vulnerability, their artistic abilities, they're doing, all those things that comes from vulnerability, you want to experience that. But in order to experience that, you need to be able to share that part of you as well. So you need to be able to be vulnerable. And you don't do that alone, you do that in concert, you see courage and others, get yourself used to that inadequacy. And for you to be able to see it as courage in yourself as well.

Shawna Rodrigues:

For you to be able to understand that you're drawn closer to others, so others will be drawn closer to you for the same reasons so that you can value in yourself those qualities as much as you value it and others. I am so grateful for the amazing friends I've had for the books I've read and the opportunities I've had to learn that finally got me on the right path. And I think that part of all of this journey around vulnerability, understanding all of that is how come I am in the place I am. I'm living with my amazing partner in this great place. So that's why I think the vulnerability is something that I want to see for others because I feel like it does bring all of those beautiful things into your life that we talked about.

Shawna Rodrigues:

Before we go there, there was one more piece, one more element in Daring Greatly that I want to make sure that I bring to you and there is a great part of the interview about kids and parents and talking about how you can do some stuff around this too. So it's a great book. If you haven't read it I do highly recommend it and I will put a link in the show notes. But another element in there is, she does a lot of research around shame if you weren't aware of that. And her whole lens around shame is just like perspective changing and very valuable as well that we could do two episodes just on all of that. But in there, when she talks about it, because it's a cornerstone of her work, cause she's done the research around shame. In that focus of vulnerability, she does have a quote, and I just want to make sure that I give to you in this conversation. And it's saying that shame resilience is key to embracing our vulnerability. We can't let ourselves be seen that we're terrified by what people might think. They can't let ourselves be seen. And we're terrified by what people might think. Often not being good at vulnerability means that we're damn good at shame. So the shame resilience is key. We aren't letting shame define us. We're seeing things as individual instances and not defining ourselves by them that I'm not letting like for so long, like going back to my being fired like that is just mind boggling. If you worked with me, and you didn't know that story, which chances are you don't, because I don't talk about that story. But your mind is blown to think that I was ever fired.

Shawna Rodrigues:

I actually served on a governor appointed committee after that and had to write in my application that I have been fired, which is just mortifying. And it was super complicated at one time, because with the lawyers involved, that I wasn't supposed to be saying that I was fired in job applications, because that was part of like the remedy that was going to be from the whole case. And so it was so complicated, but then me trying to be authentic. And it was just so complex, like the whole situation was very complex for some time, it can still have moments and places where it can be complex. But as well as things of like not letting that define me, or shame me and the agencies. So when I was fired, I was given the option to quit because they didn't want to like the gentleman who fired me actually said, like, I don't want to ruin your career. So you have the option to quit. And I was basically like, you don't have the power to ruin my career. I'm not giving you that power. And me quitting after like, No, I, I wouldn't quit, and I'm not quitting. This is not my choice. And you know exactly what you're doing this. I'm not going to give you that the whole way they handled things and through the lawyers, the things they said about me and all the different things and like, involving lawyers and making it feel like, you know, if I said anything, I could get in trouble, I still won't say the name of the company. I've wiped them from my resume, my online stuff and so because I want no connection to them. It makes me sad, very sad. But I will not be shamed into silence over what happened because I know I did good work there. But that's it right?

Shawna Rodrigues:

Shame resilience is key to embracing their vulnerability. So we need to not be terrified by what people might think. So I can't be terrified by what people might think. There are people who are going to hear this and think, Oh, she did something, it must be her fault. Like that's going to help them but I, I can't live behind that. I can't let the people who would choose to see that instead of see me be the people that dictate who I am, though. Anyway, I got off on that tangent again. That is one last piece. Her work is very great about being connected to shame too. So definitely, if you aren't familiar with her, I highly recommend her and connect you with her and Daring Greatly is wonderful, Rising Strong, I think was my first book that I read of hers, and I highly recommend it as well.

Shawna Rodrigues:

So yes, vulnerability is a heavy topic. So we are not going to start or have our grit wit. Our takeaway today be connected to it because it's a little bit heavy. So consequently, we're going to have our grit wit be something a little more fun and fanciful so that you can just let this other stuff kind of sink in the background. So there was some wonderful research that came out at the end of January. It was communication research with Jeffrey Hall and Associates did it. Quality conversations can increase daily will be with the article, but basically they had, nine of her students as part of this experiment, were asked to connect to their friend in one to seven different ways. One to seven. So, catch up about how you been, making meaningful conversation, laugh and joke around, show care, affection and support. Be a good listener. Show you value them and their opinions, or give them a compliment. So one of those seven ways, so lots of different ways you could connect with a friend just during the day. At the end of the day, everyone filled a survey about their emotions, their day overall, including how lonely, anxious, trust or connected they felt. And just that one interaction with a friend meant they felt less stressed and more connected into the day, the individuals who didn't do that interaction, regardless of which interaction they did. So regardless, they were just catching up, or just one lap, just joked around where they did that caring or compliment, just one of those things.

Shawna Rodrigues:

So today, our takeaway is we're going to take that research, and we're going to run with it, I'm going to encourage you to just reach out to a friend. And I think that that also right, that connects to that, that watering that we talked about. When watering our plants, our pretty marbles in the jar, if you want to go with Brene's thing, that we want to water those connections. And so just pick a friend and it can be, you give them a compliment, you can be a good listener, you can laugh and joke around, you can catch up with how they've been, just connect. One friend. And according to this research, it's gonna make a difference on your day. That is your grit wit for today. Make an impact on your day. If that one little piece to make a difference.

Shawna Rodrigues:

Thank you so much for joining me today. More than 70% of podcasts are found because someone told someone else about it. So this episode resonated with you, if there's something you've gained from it, please take a moment to find the share button wherever you're listening. Or go on to Instagram, @The.Grit.Show or onto Facebook, @TheGritShow and find this episode and share it with someone you know. This podcast is meant to be a resource. It's meant to make an impact and connect people and create this community and you sharing it is the biggest way you can support and do that. So your help is very much appreciated. And since that, people are finding podcasts you are part of the solution. So please, please pass on the word if this resonated with you or another episode have. And before you go about your day, pause for just one more moment. Take a deep breath and soak in all the chatting about today. Let it settle just a bit. There was a lot. And before you walk away, just remember, you are the only one of you, the only human on this entire planet with your unique experiences and perspectives to offer. You are the only one of you that this world has got. And that means something. I look forward to connecting with you again next Tuesday. Until then, take care.

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About the Podcast

Growth on Purpose
Are you a giver and a doer? Are you someone who has shown your grit and powered through, and now you're ready for the other side? Now you re looking for the conversations that remind you about self care, that bring to mind grace and understanding, and give you space to reflect on purpose. Do you want more room to breathe and to live life with a little more ease? Each week, we discover tools and ways of thinking that support alignment, build stronger connections, help us find better questions, and live our best life. Most weeks we laugh, some weeks the topics touch close to home, but ultimately; this is where we grow together as seekers and thrivers. The Grit Show - growth on purpose. https://podcast.TheGritShow.com

About your host

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Shawna Rodrigues

Shawna Rodrigues, Podcast Strategist and Founder of Authentic Connections Podcast Network, Host of The Grit Show (https://podcast.thegritshow.com), co-host of Author Express (https://bit.ly/AuthorExpressPod), and coming in 2024- Authenticity Amplified. Shawna is passionate about increasing the number of podcasts hosted by women, an internationally best-selling author (www.shawnarodrigues.com), and a sought after speaker & consultant.
Find her on Instagram @ShawnaPodcasts.