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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

When we think of habits, we often think of our bad habits, the ones we want to get rid of, the ones we don't want to have stick around. Yet they're an excellent example of the power of habits, because what makes them so hard to break is also what makes them something we could turn to our advantage. It's what makes them the things that are easy to forget and not think about. Right. So what are the things that you want to have take less energy? The things that you don't want to be thinking about in your life. Is it possible to turn those things into a habit? Let's explore that more today as we learn about the habit loop and how we can possibly make habits our friends. Welcome to the Grit show, growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm happy to be here with you as your guide for all of us growing together as seekers and thrivers.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:13

All right, let's think of all those bad habits, all the things you wish you did not do by default. We always think of smoking as a bad habit. That's like growing up in the eighties like I did. That was what everyone did on TV, and everyone tried to stop the habit of both my parents quit smoking when my mom got pregnant with my brother, and that's just something we always knew was something was a bad habit people tried to quit, right? It wasn't good for you, and that's always the example we come up with. But there's a lot of bad habits. One of my bad habits is probably picking my nails. I definitely like they snag and I just rip them off when they do, which is not a good habit, something I do without thinking. We all have them, right? And it's a hard habit to break.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:04

Also, a song that shows you that I grew up in the eighties and nineties, right? Hopefully you got that and you're one of my people. But the beauty of habits is that they take less energy and less thought. So if there are things that we want to have take less energy and become automatic, it's because the neuroscience tells us those things move to a different part of our brain. So why don't we start finding things we want to have be habit that are good, things that are good for us. Like having a habit of always eating soybeans. Edamame. I did have that habit at one point in my life because they were in the freezer all the time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:50

They tasted delicious. They're really fun to eat because you kind of pop them out of their shell and it became a habit. When I came home and I wanted a snack, I grabbed a bag of edamame out of the freezer, tossed it in the microwave oven, sprinkled a bunch of salt on it, and that would become my snack. So it is possible to have habits that are potentially good for you. The trick for that is to really understand the habit loop. The habit loop is something I probably learned about at some point in my life, but reading James Clear book Atomic Habits really helped bring it back to the surface. His book also added an additional step into the habit loop beyond what most of us learned about if we had learned about it or paid much attention to it in the past. Typically, when you think about the habit loop, it really just had three phases.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:42

It just took phase one, there's a cue. Phase two, there's a behavior. Phase three, there's a reward. So it was cue or trigger behavior, reward. And that was the basic loop. The one thing that he really added into the conversation was a craving. So cue, craving, response, reward. So that cravings that thought that the cue wasn't just a visual thing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:14

There was actually something that you wanted out of it, which a lot of times, when I think of it before the trigger, it was kind of rolled into the trigger, or the cue was that there's also, like, a something you were wanting to get out of it before you did that, and that's the reward was usually what you were getting out of it. So there was with me and the edamame. When I made eating soybeans, part of my habit for me was that there was a hunger, but there was also. There was a craving. So there was coming home. The cue was, I came in the door, I came home, and I was hungry.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:51

So that was the craving. And that there was. The behavior was that I would get the edamame, and the reward was that I was so full, and I'd feel satisfied. Cause I also got to have the fun of popping the soybeans out of their shells and part of the fun of having that. Right. So there's the cue, the craving. So there's not just the walking in the door was the cue that when I came home, that was what I did when I first came home.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:14

There's also the craving that I was hungry, or there was something more that was part of that process. So it wasn't as simple as just seeing something. So there's time dividing the trigger and the cue into two different things so that you could divide those things out. So in this thinking, when you wake up and your cue is that you wake up and then you're craving is you're tired, so you're wanting something to help you wake up. Your response is you go get a cup of coffee. And the reward is that you feel more alert and awake because you had the cup of coffee. And so by having, like, the cue and the craving, like taking the trigger and divided into two different things, like you and a craving, that you can kind of use that to your advantage by working with both of those pieces so that when you decide that you want to start exercising, that you can give yourself a cue of having your running shoes sitting right on the edge of the bed or your entire workout outfit right on the edge of the bed, so that your cue is you wake up and you see the things you need to put on so you can go get exercise. And the craving to wake up is then the responses you put on the clothes and you go exercise.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:06:27

And the reward is that you feel more awake. And so that you kind of work with a cue and the craving. So that the cue is that you see your exercise clothing or your shoes there to kind of get into that habit to be what you do that so that you can work with a cue to make something really obvious and something that's right there for you as a cue when you want to be able to have habits that are healthier or better for you. Which is why when folks work with stopping habits such as drinking or smoking, that they need to, like, not only address the cue and the craving, so that they have cues that they always have a cigarette when they get off of work, or they always have a cigarette after dinner or whenever they go on a walk, they get a cigarette. Or that's what they do for their breakout work. And so there's the craving of wanting the cigarette that they're working with, but there's also the cues that they have that bring that up. And so those are the things that you're trying to break. And so for me, like with me talking about me picking up my nails and always breaking off my nails, when I was younger, I would bite them.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:30

So I broke the habit of biting my nails, but I still pick at them and pull at them if they're, if there's a little piece hanging off of one of my nails. So the cue is that I have a little piece of my nail hanging off. And so the way that I can handle that cue is by fixing that desire to have a smooth spot on my nail, by not tearing at it and going to get nail clippers but that means I need to have nail clippers readily available, right? So something obvious and easily available to make it so that I'm not going to peel off my nails. So you're addressing the craving that you want to have a smooth nail and not have those things hanging off, but you had to have something readily available to address it at the same time. So trying to, like, address those pieces by giving yourself things inside of that habit loop that are going to be easy to fulfill. So we talked briefly about if you want to exercise, to have a place to put that cue in so that you can work that in there, but also to, like, figure out what that craving is, right? The craving that would make it so that your response would be exercise. So if you want to exercise because you've learned which that's one of my few motivators, is that it actually helps with your neurochemistry to help you be able to think more clearly, to be more productive, to be able to be more present. So when you have brain fog, when you're kind of stuck in a problem, you're not able to move through that stuff and you want to be able to think more clearly and be more focused, that one of the things that addresses that is actually to exercise, whether that be to go on a walk, to dance for 15 minutes, to be able to go for a run, if that's your thing, if you have yoga, whatever those type of things that you would do to change that state.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:19

Right? So you're craving more clarity, more focus, whatever else. And so if you have a cue that would help with that. So it could be that if it was yoga was the thing that I like to do, that I could have a yoga mat that was sitting by my desk, so I could look up and see that whenever I started to feel that I was having brain fog or I wasn't thinking as clearly or I couldn't focus as much, I would see the mat as my cue to then encourage me to cure that craving by having the response of doing yoga as my way of exercising, to get the reward of then having a clear head and be able to focus than being more relaxed, because I did that. So it's working together with the cue and the craving for the trigger to be able to get you to do that piece. And maybe it's a fact that at one point in time, I used to do, it's just like these little, like, dance things, and you try to follow the dance moves on the Wii. And so if that was the thing that I was trying to do. And I needed to have a cue for that. I could actually put the Wii remote on my desk.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:22

And so that when I was starting to have the brain fog or feeling less focused or knew that I needed to kind of clear my head so that I could be able to be more productive and be more cued in on things that I would see the Wii remote and remember, oh, I need to go take a 20 minutes break and do a little dance a thon. And that could be it, or it could be a playlist, or it could be something else. But to have something to be the cue so that when you had the craving to get to a state of being more clear and more thoughtful, then that could be what you could use as what would transition you to that type of an activity as a choice instead of my solution for that, at some points in time, was to get up and go get a snack, right. To be able to clear my head and to get me focused off of work and thinking that would help me to get reset and so I could focus better. It's helpful to figure out what you would like to have that you're craving and then to be able to kind of decipher what in the habit loop you could put in as a cue and as a response. Because oftentimes we're like, the response, the behavior is that we're seeking, right? We want to have more healthy food, we want to have more exercise, we want to have more time with our partner, we want to have these other things. So we want this response, but we aren't looking at the reward on the other side of it, or the cue and the craving before it. So if we isolate what the response, what the behavior is that we're looking for, we can look on the two other sides and try to figure out what we need to add in to make that loop happen, and as we find that, we can get to a better place.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:05

So, my husband has a fabulous habit of making me dinner regularly, and I think I've mentioned that more than once in the podcast, how much I appreciate that and how often that happens. So part of that loop, potentially, that has made that more of a habit is he does it at the same time when he comes home from work. It's part of the routine. There's also these recipe cards that are potentially a cue for him, which, again, I'm speaking for him. That would be my estimation of how well this process works for him, that it becomes more of a habit, that there's a recipe card that makes it easy so it is kind of back of mind, simple to do. There's a recipe card, and the thing that he might be wanting is actual connection with me, time with me, and the benefit of that, right? And so he sees the card, he's looking forward to our time together when we actually eat dinner, and I'm grateful and we're connected. And the responses he makes dinner and the reward is he gets that connected, wonderful time with me. How many people make dinner? There is not a simple recipe card and the ease of doing that, and there is no reward at the end of that, of quality time over dinner, because dinner is actually people going different directions, people that are stressed, people that aren't paying attention, and there isn't connection and there isn't really a reward.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:32

So it's one more draining thing, right? There's no simple cue of knowing what's going to be for dinner and having a simple way to do it in a place, in a day that that happens. And it becomes one more decision to make, one more thing to think of, one more thing to figure out. And it doesn't actually turn into this habit. So by having it, so there's a cue and it's simple and it's easy, and it's actually gonna have a reward at the end because there's something you enjoy about it. So finding the piece of what you enjoy. So if you're somebody who enjoys connection, if you're somebody who enjoys words of affirmation to actually make it so that you're getting those pieces, so that part of dinner becomes that everyone goes around and says their favorite part of dinner, what they liked most about dinner, what their favorite dish was and how much they enjoyed it. And that is part of dinner. If words of affirmation are your thing, that that needs to be your reward is that you can turn dinner into a habit, right? And that you have a cue that there is a menu that you've made.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:14:36

So the cue is you walk in, you see what's in the menu, and then you go and make it. So it becomes a habit. So if dinner has become a constant challenge in your house and frustration to have to deal with that, that you make it more of a habit. And it might even be that it is the same seven things that Monday night is soup night. Tuesday night is grilled cheese or pork chops or something, that you make the same thing every Tuesday night. Wednesday night is going to be salads and pasta. Thursday night is chicken. Friday night is pizza.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:15

Saturday night is whatever. So that you find, whatever you and your family like to make. And it's the same seven things that go on a recycled thing. So it's a cue and you have the same grocery list. Like, I have no problem with that. If you can have no problem with that, that's a great way to just make it a habit, make it a cue, right? So it just goes in the same cycle. So it can be more of a habit and it can be less stress on you. When I lived alone, I made roasted vegetables every Sunday night.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:42

I made a soup every Sunday night that I would have for lunches, and I would make the salad that I would have for lunches for the week. So roasted vegetables and the salads. And then I would grill either salmon or meats in the evenings. Like, I made my dinners and my lunches. It was just me. It was so much easier to do it that way, right? So you need to find a way that you can make some things more of a habit. So they don't take the energy, they don't take a thought, and they become enjoyable, the reward. Right? Because I actually do love cooking.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:14

I do love spending that time in the kitchen. It's them making the decisions, trying to figure it out, especially after a long day, that it stresses me out. So having become more of a habit, that my habit was Sunday night was like putting the things together for the week. And that worked really well for me at that point in time. And again, it's changed. So you can get, like, in and out of habits, but once you make something a habit, it can really stick. And apparently there's this variance of thought that habits can take between three weeks and three months to kind of stick and make happen. And I loved one of the things that I read once that said that it's three weeks for habit and three months for lifestyle change.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:55

And so when I was changing to the way of eating that I did, which we talked about in a previous episode, which you might remember in episode 31, when I got to meet with Jen Stevens and talk about intermittent fasting, that I started doing that some time ago. And it was about three weeks in where it really started to feel like this was what I was doing. And three months in, it was a lifestyle change. And ever since then, now it's been a year and a few months, I would guess maybe longer than that, but it became a lifestyle change. And that's what the article I'd read once said, was that three weeks is a habit, three months is a lifestyle change. So once you've been doing something that long, like it's really integrate as part of who you are and the way you live and the way you move through the world and do things. So it takes time, but not that much time. Three weeks, three months.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:51

Like, in the scheme of things, that's not that long before you can get in the routine of doing something. But it's also important to make things small and incremental and not try to go big. Right. I talked last week in the episode about me adjusting how early I was starting my day and quickly realized that I was waking up earlier. I haven't for some time, but I hadn't been starting my work day that much earlier. So I need to stop trying to start it that much earlier and incrementally start it earlier, because you don't know those small changes and before you know it, they're pretty big changes. But it's useful for you to do it a little bit at a time, which is probably why the hour time change is so hard on everybody. Because an hour is too much to do all at once, right? She did 15 minutes at a time or a half hour at a time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:43

So start small. And even with exercising, telling yourself you're gonna go to the gym five days a week is a lot to start, right? Maybe you need to start walking 15 minutes a day, three days a week, and then half an hour, three days a week, and then you can go for 45 minutes or you can go more days a week, like, start small and build on things. And that's the best way to do it. And to know that once you do it for so long, it becomes a habit. And the best way to make it a habit is to identify those pieces that you need a reward for it to stick. And you also need a cue and to identify what you're craving to make the reward fit to make those things go together, right? So that you can realize if you're craving more connection in your life, then find a way to make it so that you get connection out of dinner, so that you're going to want to do dinner. And if you want to get more exercise and you want more connection in your life, then your reward needs to be connection. So that you need to have what you're craving is connection so that you need to go do walks with a friend or go to the gym with a friend or go to a class for your exercise.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:52

And that's how you're going to work, exercise into your life, because that's what you're craving. So figure out what you want more of in your life and attach that to what you're trying to get more of in your life when it comes to healthy habits. And that's how you're going to be able to integrate them more. There's also a cool way to deconstruct all of this, to break habits but that takes up more time than we have today. But that's a great place for you to start, to start thinking about how you can find the things that you want to build as habits. Have less decisions about. Have them be automatic, because it does. It moves a whole different part of your brain when you start doing things more automatically.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:20:31

Think of all the bad habits you have, the ones you'd like to break, how easy they are, and think of all the things that you can move automatically to that that you want to have more of in your life, instead of automatically always having a Doctor Pepper, which is what I used to have all the time. I now have other beverages I have because I break in that habit and replace it with other things. One thing, you could just as easily have it be something else. So think about what you want to have. And for some reason today I'm only thinking of like exercise and health related things. I know there's other things we want to have as habits in our life. One of them is me starting my work day earlier, right? So I need to make sure that I have a cue and I have a reward for doing that so that it actually sticks and I actually do that. Hopefully it's given you a little bit of time to think about what you want more of in your life.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:20

If it is healthy habits, if it is a dinner routine that you want to become habitable, think about your kids in bedtime routines. Wouldn't that be nice to have be a habit? How can you have cues and rewards that make that so? It's habit. What do they love and want more of? What is their love language or what speaks to them to make things happen more easily for them? What do they crave more of in their life that you can make as part of that? Is it cuddled up reading a story because they love having that one on one connection time? Is it words of affirmation? So once they get in bed, we talk about all the wonderful things they did that day. And that's associated with finally being cuddled up in bed that you have that conversation? Do they like getting little gifts, little treats so that you give them something special once they get into bed? That'd be fun to be. Try to be creative about that. That would be hard for me. I'm not as good at the gifts, but it'd be fun to figure out as a physical touch. So they would love to have their hands massage after they've brushed their teeth, done all the things they need to do, tucked to bed for the night, and they get a nice hand massage because I really love physical touch.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:22:37

Or they get snuggles for two minutes before it's time to go to sleep. Things to think about what are things that you find as rewards and how can you integrate them into your habit loop and see it as that loop and integrate the cues that you have something that signals it, but know what you're craving and how that can be part of the reward to put around the things you want to make more of a habit, to make that change. And obviously this whole episode was kind of talking about what our grit would be, what you want to be able to do. So kind of draw to the top. The one thing you'd like to see is that habit and how you could possibly integrate that. And for our self maintenance minute, we've found a fabulous hike that we enjoy here where we've moved. I'm very excited about because I really enjoy kayaking, paddle boarding, and it's getting to the time of year to do that. But kayaking and paddleboarding takes a bigger chunk of time, and I tend to not be as good about consistently doing things that take a larger chunk of time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:51

It's harder for me to commit and carve that out. And I know we're going to do more of that this summer, but it does take an actual bigger chunk. And because of various reasons, we couldn't do that this weekend. And so we actually went on a hike that is closer and it's a nice loop and it's not that challenging, but it's right by the water, which makes me very happy. And it's something that only takes like a couple hours out of the day to do. And so it's definitely something that could be done every single weekend. It can be done in the evenings, it can be done much more frequently and can become more of a habit. And it's something I enjoy.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:28

I love being out in nature and I feel like we're out in nature and it doesn't take up that much time, especially with the days getting so much longer. Now here, where I live in the US, it's that time of year where the sun doesn't go down until much later and it's getting to the longest days of the year. So that's definitely a little self maintenance thing. Of working that in and doing that, and we did that this weekend. It was quite lovely. So that was definitely my self maintenance piece was finding a place close by with a nice walk near water, a little bit of a hike to get some exercise and get out in nature and have that water sound. I love that sound. Definitely a water girl.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:06

So what are you doing to take care of you and to make sure you're doing things that bring you joy and get you in the right headspace and in the right place to be able to give back and do all the things that you need to do for others and for yourself? I'm curious about the habits too. So be thinking about that. About that concept around what you can do. That's a cue, but also can meet your craving and have a reward on the other side of it and what type of things you even want to have a habit around. If you think of something, if you figure this out, I would love to hear from you. Drop me a note on Instagram at the Grit Show or on a podcast. I would love to hear from you. Thank you for joining us today.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:55

I hope you enjoyed this episode. Be sure to jump on over to Instagram and follow us at podcast.thegritshow.com. and if you aren't already following Authentic Connections podcast network at 37by27, you should definitely be doing that as well. Don't forget, you are the only one of you that this world has got and that means something. I'll be here next Tuesday. I hope you are too.