Kicking Your Bucket List

Shawna: 00:00:00

You're gonna wanna hear this.

Shawna: 00:00:02

It's a message from one of our listeners, one that I was really

Shawna: 00:00:05

touched by and it seems like a great time to share it with you.

Shawna: 00:00:09

"I'm sitting in a hotel in San Francisco and visited the city as I've always

Shawna: 00:00:13

wanted to, in part because of your show.

Shawna: 00:00:17

When you spoke of your health scare and to just get out and do what

Shawna: 00:00:21

you've always wanted to, it hit home.

Shawna: 00:00:25

There's always a reason why I cannot do so many things."

Shawna: 00:00:29

I'm so grateful to that listener for sending that in.

Shawna: 00:00:32

When I read it aloud the second time to my fiance, cuz I was really

Shawna: 00:00:36

touched by it, I actually choked up.

Shawna: 00:00:39

It meant so much that somebody took the recommendations that I make on this show.

Shawna: 00:00:44

And inspired them to take steps like that.

Shawna: 00:00:47

It's no wonder that that episode on Bucket List was voted to be one of the

Shawna: 00:00:53

shows that we replayed for all of you.

Shawna: 00:00:55

And you get to hear it again today.

Shawna: 00:00:57

So if it's your first time hearing it, I hope you get something out of it as well.

Shawna: 00:01:02

And if you heard it before, it might be a good reminder.

Shawna: 00:01:05

This time we're framing it as kicking your bucket list so you can have an idea about

Shawna: 00:01:10

what you need to get rid of, making a list of things and actually start living them.

Shawna: 00:01:15

Here it is.

Shawna: 00:01:16

Bucket lists . They're something that most people have.

Shawna: 00:01:19

Do you have one?

Shawna: 00:01:21

What's on yours?

Shawna: 00:01:23

Swimming in bioluminescent waters?

Shawna: 00:01:26

Watching a glacier, calving?

Shawna: 00:01:28

Seeing the brilliant shades of autumn new England?

Shawna: 00:01:31

Eating at a Michelin starred restaurant?

Shawna: 00:01:34

Feeling the spray from Niagara falls?

Shawna: 00:01:37

Learning to speak another language?

Shawna: 00:01:39

Backpacking and sleeping under the stars?

Shawna: 00:01:42

Painting something worthy of hanging on your wall?

Shawna: 00:01:45

Seeing a moose in person?

Shawna: 00:01:48

Seeing the cherry blossoms over the basin in DC?

Shawna: 00:01:51

Visiting a European castle?

Shawna: 00:01:54

Rediscovering a relationship that went dormant for 20 years?

Shawna: 00:01:57

Writing a novel?

Shawna: 00:01:59

Traveling to all 50 states?

Shawna: 00:02:01

What about visiting the country where your great grandparents were born?

Shawna: 00:02:05

Swimming under a waterfall?

Shawna: 00:02:08

Learning to play soccer?

Shawna: 00:02:09

Making homemade bread?

Shawna: 00:02:12

There are many things you can put on to your bucket list.

Shawna: 00:02:16

None of these items I just listed are actually on mine, but not

Shawna: 00:02:19

for the reason you might think.

Shawna: 00:02:21

I don't have a bucket list.

Shawna: 00:02:23

I actually don't believe in them.

Shawna: 00:02:24

S tick around.

Shawna: 00:02:26

I'd love to give you some food for thought.

Shawna: 00:02:27

On why perhaps you shouldn't have one either.

Shawna: 00:02:32

Welcome to The Grit Show growth on purpose I'm grateful you found our community of

Shawna: 00:02:38

seekers and Thrivers growing together.

Shawna: 00:02:41

I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues.

Shawna: 00:02:43

Today's episode is a bit of a story.

Shawna: 00:02:46

I'm much more comfortable when there's someone else providing active feedback

Shawna: 00:02:50

on the other side of the conversation.

Shawna: 00:02:52

So it's a little harder when I'm just talking to you one-on-one.

Shawna: 00:02:56

I promised to tell you more about some news last summer, that rocked

Shawna: 00:02:59

my world a bit and had a surprising lesson about bucket lists.

Shawna: 00:03:04

You should feel honored.

Shawna: 00:03:06

What we're talking about today is something I haven't talked about

Shawna: 00:03:08

with many of my nearest and dearest friends, which is very strange.

Shawna: 00:03:12

I'm a fairly open book, but as a story unfolds, I think you'll understand

Shawna: 00:03:17

why it's a story rarely shared.

Shawna: 00:03:19

For the sake of time.

Shawna: 00:03:21

We are skipping right to the punchline.

Shawna: 00:03:23

Last July, immediately following an amazing week in Kauai, I was to

Shawna: 00:03:28

have an MRI meant to evaluate if I may have multiple sclerosis due to

Shawna: 00:03:33

family history, as well as some other questionable symptoms I was experiencing.

Shawna: 00:03:37

Fortunately, when I read the results they led with no imaging,

Shawna: 00:03:41

suggestive of multiple sclerosis.

Shawna: 00:03:44

I was thrilled.

Shawna: 00:03:45

However, at the end of the results, there was a bunch of garbled words and

Shawna: 00:03:50

confusing comments that had to do with five spots that were indeterminate.

Shawna: 00:03:55

They were atypical for some random, big.

Shawna: 00:03:59

And more typical of metastatic disease.

Shawna: 00:04:03

You would think since my mother died of metastatic melanoma, that I would've

Shawna: 00:04:08

instantly known what that meant, but again, there were a lot of big terms

Shawna: 00:04:12

being thrown around So I called my doctor.

Shawna: 00:04:15

They got me in by 10:00 AM.

Shawna: 00:04:16

I called at 8:00 AM.

Shawna: 00:04:17

As soon as they opened after reading my results at 7:00 AM.

Shawna: 00:04:21

Not long after I got up and having the MRI completed at 6:30 PM

Shawna: 00:04:26

the night before all very fast.

Shawna: 00:04:30

I'm sure you're not shocked that by 11:00 AM.

Shawna: 00:04:32

I was sobbing the parking lot in my SUV and wishing my fiance didn't

Shawna: 00:04:36

have a job, which meant he was assisting in a surgical room and not

Shawna: 00:04:39

able to be disturbed during the day.

Shawna: 00:04:41

I had a referral to a neuro oncologist.

Shawna: 00:04:44

And with my history symptoms and the results of my MRI, it was highly suspected

Shawna: 00:04:48

that I had metastatic brain cancer, which could only be diagnosed through finding

Shawna: 00:04:54

the original cancer elsewhere in my body, or by seeing how drastically these spots

Shawna: 00:04:59

had metastasized in three to six months.

Shawna: 00:05:02

I know I should have been grateful that they weren't going to biopsy my brain, but

Shawna: 00:05:06

I was at a loss that they didn't have a clear and quicker way to give me answers.

Shawna: 00:05:11

I mean in today's age waiting three to six months to find out if you

Shawna: 00:05:17

had a cancer with a median survival rate of three to six months after

Shawna: 00:05:22

diagnosis, didn't really add up for me.

Shawna: 00:05:27

I had these highly suspicious spots on my brain and no answer for them.

Shawna: 00:05:35

it was strange to have this guillotine hanging over me with no

Shawna: 00:05:39

knowledge, if it was a Mirage or not.

Shawna: 00:05:42

I, like many of you perhaps had been a little estranged from my friend

Shawna: 00:05:46

network through the pandemic, an actual diagnosis would've meant mobilizing

Shawna: 00:05:50

them and bringing them together.

Shawna: 00:05:53

And having that support, but this Phantom diagnosis, it was a nuisance.

Shawna: 00:05:59

It was a confusing complication in the background.

Shawna: 00:06:02

I saw very quickly how disorienting and overwhelming it was for the

Shawna: 00:06:06

few people closest to me who did know, and that I did tell.

Shawna: 00:06:10

Why on earth would I destabilize others when there was no action to be

Shawna: 00:06:13

taken no diagnosis, to fight against?

Shawna: 00:06:16

No knowledge if we were really looking at the worst case scenario.

Shawna: 00:06:20

And all of the stress and worry might be in vain because I didn't actually have it.

Shawna: 00:06:27

It was a complicated three to six months.

Shawna: 00:06:31

So why am I sharing all of this with you?

Shawna: 00:06:34

Why is it important to now talk about my summer of brain cancer?

Shawna: 00:06:38

I think the biggest reason is that as overwhelming and as exhausting as it was

Shawna: 00:06:45

one thing stood out to me and that was that I didn't have a long list of things

Shawna: 00:06:55

that I needed to rush and accomplish.

Shawna: 00:06:58

When my mother was battling her cancer.

Shawna: 00:07:00

And when she was so sick, we kept planning trips that were getting

Shawna: 00:07:05

canceled and we couldn't complete.

Shawna: 00:07:07

I remember being in her hospital room when we were supposed to be in Kauai

Shawna: 00:07:12

and our friends were there in the house, I'd rented, but we weren't because

Shawna: 00:07:16

she had taken a turn that meant her doctors would not approve the trip.

Shawna: 00:07:21

She never got to see Niagara falls.

Shawna: 00:07:23

She never got to go to Norway.

Shawna: 00:07:25

We never got to do all of these things we talked about doing

Shawna: 00:07:28

because her illness prevented it.

Shawna: 00:07:31

And yet here I was with the health to go wildly, do anything I needed to do.

Shawna: 00:07:37

If I really thought I only had three to six months to live

Shawna: 00:07:41

and no need to do anything.

Shawna: 00:07:45

I had published my novel.

Shawna: 00:07:49

I had traveled to Europe, I'd gone to Costa Rica, my fiance, and I had just

Shawna: 00:07:57

come back from an amazing trip to Hawaii.

Shawna: 00:08:01

I bought the house that I was told was too big for me.

Shawna: 00:08:04

That was perfect.

Shawna: 00:08:05

That I loved.

Shawna: 00:08:06

I took the jobs to do some incredible, fabulous work.

Shawna: 00:08:10

Even though they required me to move across the country,

Shawna: 00:08:13

I've been to all 50 states.

Shawna: 00:08:15

I have loved deeply.

Shawna: 00:08:18

I found the love of my life.

Shawna: 00:08:20

There was those pieces where I wish I had more time with him, where I

Shawna: 00:08:25

wanted to spend every minute with him.

Shawna: 00:08:28

And it hurt me to think of him being without me.

Shawna: 00:08:32

It hurt me to think of who I was leaving and what I was leaving,

Shawna: 00:08:36

but I didn't need anything more.

Shawna: 00:08:38

Cuz I had done all of those things.

Shawna: 00:08:40

And in the end, they came back in September and things looked

Shawna: 00:08:46

good, but they were still being.

Shawna: 00:08:51

A little cagey about giving me a clear, clear sign.

Shawna: 00:08:54

And then they decided in December that it was actually something

Shawna: 00:08:59

they weren't worried about.

Shawna: 00:09:00

So I joke that I have freckles on my brain and that's why I have all these

Shawna: 00:09:05

symptoms that I have that led them to believe that it was something else.

Shawna: 00:09:08

And so in the end it really was for naught.

Shawna: 00:09:12

Like all of the appointments, expenses, stress and glad I didn't stress out

Shawna: 00:09:18

more of my friends with my story of thinking that was the case.

Shawna: 00:09:24

When we went to Hawaii at the end of June, right before the rule

Shawna: 00:09:28

out a metastatic brain cancer.

Shawna: 00:09:32

One of my friends has said to me how much she loved that I did that, that

Shawna: 00:09:35

my life has so many dips and so many things going on and things happening.

Shawna: 00:09:41

But every time I come up for air, I come up for air and I'm going to Hawaii, or

Shawna: 00:09:47

I'm going to Costa Rica, or I'm going to the beach for the day by myself.

Shawna: 00:09:51

And I'm finding the space and finding the way to take care of myself because

Shawna: 00:09:57

I realize that there's gonna be another.

Shawna: 00:10:00

Another sticky spot.

Shawna: 00:10:02

And sometimes you can't even predict them cuz honestly , there have been a

Shawna: 00:10:06

few things that I haven't been able to predict, but you know, the potential

Shawna: 00:10:11

diagnosis of metastatic brain cancer really did not see that coming.

Shawna: 00:10:15

And it's even more amusing since I did not have that.

Shawna: 00:10:19

So it was just a detour for three to six months of tiptoeing

Shawna: 00:10:24

around that potential.

Shawna: 00:10:26

That was actually never really a threat.

Shawna: 00:10:29

When that happens, all you can do is walk away with the benefits you gained.

Shawna: 00:10:34

And fortunately, I realized that benefit within the first week.

Shawna: 00:10:39

Although it was overwhelming to conceptualize this uncertain future

Shawna: 00:10:45

that I couldn't even try to chart out.

Shawna: 00:10:47

'Cause I like to chart things out, right?

Shawna: 00:10:50

The hardest thing for me was the uncertainty of this hanging over me.

Shawna: 00:10:55

And I can't imagine adding to that levels of regrets of

Shawna: 00:11:01

friends, I had lost touch, with.

Shawna: 00:11:03

Places I'd never gone of work and potential that I'd never lived up to.

Shawna: 00:11:09

Ways I wanted to impact the world that I'd never been able to do.

Shawna: 00:11:14

Do you remember the list of items at the beginning of the show?

Shawna: 00:11:17

Each of those is something I've actually done.

Shawna: 00:11:20

And I cherish the fact I made them happen.

Shawna: 00:11:22

It's not as hard as you might think.

Shawna: 00:11:25

Instead of making a list, you decide, is this something I really want to.

Shawna: 00:11:31

if so, why aren't I doing it?

Shawna: 00:11:33

If not, why am I wasting my time daydreaming about it?

Shawna: 00:11:37

If I'm daydreaming about going to New Zealand, but I hate long plane trips.

Shawna: 00:11:41

What is it I really want?

Shawna: 00:11:43

Time with a friend who went on that trip without me?

Shawna: 00:11:46

Time at a beach I can drive to?

Shawna: 00:11:48

Time off period?

Shawna: 00:11:50

Then whichever of those, plan for that.

Shawna: 00:11:53

Take those first steps.

Shawna: 00:11:56

if it's time at the beach, you can drive to find time to take off and do that.

Shawna: 00:12:01

Make the plans to have the car serviced, whatever steps you need.

Shawna: 00:12:05

What's standing in your way.

Shawna: 00:12:07

Remove the obstacle, or accept the obstacle.

Shawna: 00:12:11

Stop making it a bucket list.

Shawna: 00:12:13

Let go of the things that aren't meant for you that you don't really want.

Shawna: 00:12:17

Or decide it is what you really want and start moving towards it and get things

Shawna: 00:12:23

out of your way so you can get it done.

Shawna: 00:12:26

I lived in the moment and made those things happen.

Shawna: 00:12:29

And so that's what I keep on doing.

Shawna: 00:12:32

And that's what I wanna leave you with is that thought that instead of making

Shawna: 00:12:37

the list about the trips you wanna take, decide which one you really wanna take

Shawna: 00:12:42

and start making little steps happen.

Shawna: 00:12:46

So you can take that trip.

Shawna: 00:12:48

If you wanna write the book, then start making the little

Shawna: 00:12:51

steps happen to write that book.

Shawna: 00:12:55

If you wanna buy the house, then start making the little steps

Shawna: 00:12:57

happen towards buying that house.

Shawna: 00:13:01

Like figure out what you want and make it happen.

Shawna: 00:13:05

Cuz life has lots of curve balls to throw at ya.

Shawna: 00:13:08

So anytime you can come up for air, you gotta come up for air.

Shawna: 00:13:12

And you gotta move in the direction of what you want.

Shawna: 00:13:14

And the first step of that is figuring out what you want and asking yourself.

Shawna: 00:13:19

If I found out I had three to six months to live, what is the one thing that I

Shawna: 00:13:23

would move mountains to have in my life?

Shawna: 00:13:27

If I didn't have it there already.

Shawna: 00:13:29

Would you take that trip to Australia?

Shawna: 00:13:32

Would you have that conversation with that friend you've missed so

Shawna: 00:13:35

dearly and reconnect with them?

Shawna: 00:13:38

What are the things that you can do in your life today that make it so that

Shawna: 00:13:43

if you got that overwhelming news, this overwhelming in and of itself without the

Shawna: 00:13:49

physical toll of your body, dealing with something like that , because remember

Shawna: 00:13:53

I had mild physical symptoms that were potentially related to this, but by and

Shawna: 00:14:00

large, the hardest thing for me was the uncertainty of this hanging over me.

Shawna: 00:14:05

And I can't imagine adding to that levels of regrets of

Shawna: 00:14:10

friends, I had lost touch with.

Shawna: 00:14:13

Places I'd never gone, of work and potential that I'd never lived up to.

Shawna: 00:14:19

Ways I wanted to impact the world that I'd never been able to do.

Shawna: 00:14:24

So figure those things out and do them.

Shawna: 00:14:26

You have today, you have now, and you have to grab that and live that and make

Shawna: 00:14:35

that happen, cuz that's all you get.

Shawna: 00:14:38

Because life throws some curve balls at you and it'll slow you down.

Shawna: 00:14:41

It'll definitely slow you down, but you can't let it stop you.

Shawna: 00:14:47

So I hope that as you think about this and think about things that you want and that

Shawna: 00:14:54

you are striving for, that you find the oomph that we don't know about tomorrow.

Shawna: 00:15:00

All we have is today.

Shawna: 00:15:01

So we have to make the most of it and good things will happen.

Shawna: 00:15:06

I appreciate you being here.

Shawna: 00:15:08

I'm curious if there's a better way.

Shawna: 00:15:10

I could have told my story,

Shawna: 00:15:12

but I'm here showing up, being authentic, sharing my truth, the best I can.

Shawna: 00:15:17

And hopefully encouraging you to do the same.

Shawna: 00:15:21

I hope you make time for yourself this weekend.

Shawna: 00:15:24

If you haven't already please head on over to our website and join

Shawna: 00:15:28

our mailing list so that you can get a copy of our coloring pages.

Shawna: 00:15:33

A little something you can do just for yourself because self care is important.

Shawna: 00:15:37

And who knows while you're doing your coloring, you might

Shawna: 00:15:41

wanna just ruminate a bit.

Shawna: 00:15:45

What brings you joy?

Shawna: 00:15:46

What you're thankful for, what you want more of in your life.

Shawna: 00:15:50

And if there are things that you wanna fit in and prioritize,

Shawna: 00:15:56

you don't need a bucket list.

Shawna: 00:15:58

You need to just do it list.

Shawna: 00:16:00

So go out there and get it done.

Shawna: 00:16:02

I hope you enjoy the episode.

Shawna: 00:16:04

Whether it was your first time hearing it or a reminder, it's good

Shawna: 00:16:08

to be reminded sometimes, right?

Shawna: 00:16:11

That you just need to start living to go out and do the things instead

Shawna: 00:16:15

of putting them on a list for later.

Shawna: 00:16:17

Thank you for being part of this community.

Shawna: 00:16:20

If this episode spoke to you, please take a moment, share it with somebody else.

Shawna: 00:16:24

Hopefully they'll get something out of it as well.

Shawna: 00:16:26

As I've mentioned before, 70% of podcasts are discovered because

Shawna: 00:16:30

someone shared it with somebody else.

Shawna: 00:16:32

You are the reason this podcast is still around and will thrive.

Shawna: 00:16:37

It's in the top 10% because of you.

Shawna: 00:16:39

But it can only stay there if you keep sharing and keep getting

Shawna: 00:16:43

the word out about it and letting other people hear this message.

Shawna: 00:16:46

Don't you wanna be the reason that someone else takes a minute and

Shawna: 00:16:49

reflects and ends up in San Francisco because they've always wanted to go?

Shawna: 00:16:54

I'd love for you to be part of that.

Shawna: 00:16:56

We'll be back again next week, launching our second season.

Shawna: 00:17:00

Isn't that exciting?

Shawna: 00:17:01

We're actually gonna break it up into seasons.

Shawna: 00:17:03

We're going to lead off with a conversation on sleep cause it

Shawna: 00:17:07

is more important than you think.

Shawna: 00:17:09

We're also gonna have conversations around burnout because we wanna

Shawna: 00:17:12

dive deeper into that and around the difference between a therapist and

Shawna: 00:17:17

a coach, as well as diving into some different type of therapy modalities.

Shawna: 00:17:22

And other great conversations that you've brought up.

Shawna: 00:17:24

So keep sending me notes.

Shawna: 00:17:26

Let me know what you wanna hear and we'll work it in for you.

Shawna: 00:17:28

I'm excited to have another season with all of you, and I'm grateful

Shawna: 00:17:31

that you're part of this community.

Shawna: 00:17:34

In case no one has told you lately, you are the only one of you that this