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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

I'm sure you've heard it said that a phone call can change your life. You might have even experienced it. I've had my share of those calls, the ones that can set you off on a whole different trajectory. And today we're going to have a conversation where I share three of those calls, all of which have a common theme and all of which changed me in different ways. The first was a lesson in fear. The second taught me about grief. And the third, well, that's what today's story is about. I'm sure as I'm saying this, it might be triggering your own mind to shuffle back through your memories and some of the calls that you may have had that have deeply changed you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:36

Those are the moments when things can really shift, aren't they? Probably something we can all relate to. I'm glad you're showing up for this conversation. Thanks for being here.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:48

Welcome to the Grit show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodriguez, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them, and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:29

I still remember how smooth and cool the countertop felt when I brushed it against my fingers picking up the phone. I swear to you, the ringtone even sounded different, as if it was carrying with it a heaviness, an awareness that the world was about to shift a little bit. Take a moment with me and think about these calls. Think about these calls in your own life, the ones where time literally stood still and your mind was racing to try and comprehend what was happening, as somebody on the other end of the line was telling you information that was shifting the way your world would be from that point forward. It's a feeling we've all been through, right? Even the air feels a little different, as if you're listening to the words that are going to just change everything. My mom was never good at concealing her emotions from me. It's interesting because when I was a kid, she could flip that switch a million times when she was completely frustrated with his kids, had gone through all of the names to find the one child she wanted to yell at, and the phone rang and she would pick up the phone and cloak what was happening seconds earlier. It was like a magic shield that went down, right? Did your mom do that? You're probably recognizing that you might be the mom that's capable of doing that as well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:40

I was never sure if I had a different level of perception or when it came to the cloaking button. It was disabled when it came to me and perhaps to our entire family. But when I answered the phone that day 20 plus years ago, her cadence, her tone, everything betrayed her. She was asking for me to drive two and a half hours and cancel my Saturday plans to meet with her and my dad for lunch. And the second she made the ask, I knew it was cancer. I mean, what else would you make that ask for, right? But it was important to her that she told me in person. So I did not press. And I promptly called and canceled my plans for the day and got in the car to make that two and a half hour drive to meet her for that conversation.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:28

It's shocking to me how much I can still remember that day, even though it was more than 20 years ago. And there are so many things that I don't remember and that are very foggy. But from the moment I saw her, her entire body was crumpled and hunched, as if in some ways she was already defeated. Like trying to make her body smaller, trying to hide the truth, as if somehow that can make everything disappear. Her eyes reflected in the fear and all the uncertainty that gripped her and the very prospect of facing something so enormous. I possibly disappointed her when I probably had an audible sigh of relief when she told me that was breast cancer. I was fortunate to have grown up in a very different generation. And even two decades ago, when she was telling me this, I knew how far we'd come with that fight.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:17

And that breast cancer was not a death sentence, that it was treatable, that it was going to be a fight. It was definitely going to be a fight. And there was a lot that lay ahead of her. But I could be strong for her because I knew the odds were in her favor. I knew how much worse it could be. I knew that she was going to be okay. Even if her entire world had shifted and she was completely overwhelmed by what the doctors were telling her and everything that lay ahead of us. I knew that she could get through this.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:48

I definitely hugged her, held her, reassured her. But I knew we weren't going to lose her. Not to this. There were still rock bottom moments. And the journey that we went through with her, the time we were up all night with her pleading to not do another treatment. That was during her breast cancer journey. Her partial mastectomy took hours longer than expected. And that got hard.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:12

That waiting got hard. Sitting in that waiting room, not knowing why it was taking so long, Being unsure of the extra hours. It felt like in my memory, that it was at least four extra hours she was in that surgery and not knowing what that meant and what they had found and why that was taking so much longer. Those were hard times, but those are moments in the journey that I still knew she was going to be okay, Even when they said it spread to her lymph nodes. And we knew that the journey was just beginning with her surgery. Years later, when she called to tell me about her melanoma diagnosis, that's when I completely crumpled. That's when I was piecing myself back together for days. That's when I had a hard time getting through the people that were already at my house.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:58

When she told me, when I went to a brunch with people, when there was things happening around me that I was just having a hard time being present with others because my mind was reeling, Because I knew that the melanoma, though they were both cancer, the melanoma was a different fight and a fight I wasn't sure she could win. That's what I knew it was going to be, a whole different fight. And we were just on the heels of her victory over breast cancer that was a hard one to metabolize. We all have our journeys and experiences, and sometimes our fears aren't what we expect them to be. And cancer is like that. It touches us all differently. We all have different marks and different stories based on our families, based on our journeys, based on which cancers we've been next to been up against, and what the fights and outcomes have been because they're also individualized. I'm sharing all this today because I recently had my own diagnosis of breast cancer.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:06:59

And it may not be surprising, based on what I've shared, that I'm not scared the way that my mom was 20 years ago. I'm so grateful and blessed that I don't have that level of fear that she had about my outcomes. It's probably because I've seen how far we came to that point, and we've come even further now. And it might also be because life has a way of preparing us for its biggest challenges. I know many of you listening, have your own cancer stories or the personals or someone you love, and each one is unique. And yet somehow we're all connected through those shared experiences, aren't we? Through the waiting rooms, the test results, the long stretches of uncertainty, and ultimately the hope. I actually got the call with my diagnosis in the middle of recording one of my podcast episodes. I had to stop recording just to answer it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:50

I still wonder if someone listening to that episode could tell the before and the after my voice. I'm sure at the very least, I'm a lot more scattered for the second half of that episode. It's funny how life's biggest moments can be so quiet on the outside, and I'm sure that you've noticed that too. But even. Even if it's not a cancer diagnosis, you've had moments where it feels like your world is crumbling and falling apart and still you're being expected to show up and be just as strong and just as present as you were the day before and minutes before things shifted under your feet. My results came in two days earlier than I expected and it was very vague. It was abnormal, it was cancerous. And they would.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:30

After two calls and some confusion, they let me know that the rest of the results would be mailed to me. Yes, apparently the town I live in is stuck in 1990, at least where it comes to those results. And I would get mailed those results. So it was beneficial to some extent because I had some time to metabolize that little piece of information. And it was beneficial because I needed those extra days before the onslaught of doctor's appointments, that next week there was 10 hours of those appointments. And once I read those results, they weren't what I thought they were going to be. And thankfully one of them changed. I didn't even know that there was the ability for them to change.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:10

And I'm not even remember the term, but there was a term for one of them that meant that it wasn't finalized. And then it came back negative, which is what we wanted. And they had told me that the initial tumor was less than a centimeter in the initial phone call. And later on I was told that it was larger than that and that the way they were measuring, they measured it on the ultrasound and they were actually need the measurement from a different thing. And ultimately we'll know after the surgery. But I googled under a centimeter and found out that the survival rate is 90 to 97% and I'm not googling anything else. We're going with that like this is absolutely something that I'm going to beat, even if it is invasive, even if it is 1.3 cm or whatever. They find out.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:58

And even if there is more information that keeps coming up before the surgery and the things and information keeps changing, I'm going with that initial outlook because that's the hope and that's the perspective I need to beat this. Because this is a one time blip for me. That's going to be a journey that I take and get to the other side of. So we focus on getting through a surgery with a five day hospital, say, and two other small procedures that go with it and three months of recovery, and then take the next steps as they reveal themselves because that's enough to metabolize right now. The impacts of that when you own your own business are pretty significant. It is interesting that as my husband, I have been going to the local cancer center for the multitude of appointments that we look at least 20 years younger than everyone else in the lobby. And it might just be happenstance, it might be when they scheduled me, But I like to think this is a sign that cancer is more of a malady of old age and not something we need to fear as much. And I like to believe that facing it in my 40s means that I'm better equipped to beat it because I can handle the surgeries a little better.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:11:04

My recovery will be a little bit easier. Some of you might remember episode four of the Great show when I talked about my summer of metastatic brain cancer. Spoiler alert. After five months of testing, no brain cancer, they decided it was melanocytes, which I refer to as freckles in my brain. Even though they're not quite the same thing. It's just cuter that way. The focus of that episode is that I don't have a bucket list. I never have.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:11:27

And it's such a gift once again, being presented as such a gift. We'll replay that episode again for y'all next the next episode to help remind you that facing unexpected bumps in life such as this is easier when you are already living your life at full volume and doing the things you want to do instead of saving for later. My mom, whom I mentioned, who I love dearly, who I lost way too early in her life, she saved a lot of things for later. She had a lot of things she didn't get to do. There was a lot of things we tried to do, which I talk about in that episode, and her health became a barrier for us doing that. Whereas when I get to this place, I get to reflect on all the beautiful things I have done and be at peace with outcomes because I have been living my Best life. I have been chasing and getting the love of my life and embracing that. I have been taking the trips.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:20

I have been remedying the relationships that are important to me and connecting with people that I love and care about. I've been living full out, taking the chances of the business, doing the things that I want to do, which makes it a little easier to face these things because just the appointments and the prospects are heavy and enough, right? And those five months in 2021, when I thought I had metastatic, When I thought I might have metastatic brain cancer, that was like training for a marathon and regulating my nervous system. Learning to carry the weight of potentially devastating news like that while still moving forward with your life flexes you in ways that you can't even imagine unless you've lived through it. So this new journey, I have an advantage over a lot of people, A lot of people, you know, that I've dealt with the same that you might have dealt with when you dealt with this diagnosis. Because this is a new journey. But for me, as another chapter in a story that's been writing itself for years, a story that includes watching my mom and standing by her as she battled both breast cancer and melanoma, supporting my father through follicular lymphoma, and leading me to a place where I recognize this is going to take up a lot of space for a while. This is going to be hard, but this is doable. I don't need to fear this.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:41

I know I can make it through. I just need to figure out what I need to get to the other side and what I need to focus on. What are the ways I need to grow to make the next five to nine months easier to navigate? What do I need to call in? What do I need to let go of? What supports do I need? And that's what makes this chapter different. It's going to be about receiving. And I'll be honest, that's not something that comes naturally to me. I was in my 40s, as you know, before I got married to the love of my life, who I'm so fortunate to have. I'm used to being the giver, the supporter, the one who makes things happen. I was at a women's retreat at the beginning of January where we were asked to write down people who embodied qualities we want to develop.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:14:25

As we were reflecting on this and receiving was something that came from me, and I was trying to think of examples, and I couldn't. So I asked the group, I asked that question. I stepped out and said, like, do you have examples of people that are good at receiving that I could pay more attention to and try to learn from, to work on that? Do you have the examples they gave me that the group came up with? They were dogs and cats. If you knew our two cats. They are very good at receiving and demanding what they need very deeply. So they were not wrong. But it's another sign that our society doesn't exactly celebrate those who are good at receiving. But it's something they need to learn and work on.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:08

It's something I did work on before I entered my relationship with my husband. And I feel like that was part of what made that possible. And it's something that I'm going to working on, deepening and maybe. And six months from now I can be that example for someone else. Though I will never claim to be as good at it as our pets because they ask for what they need shamelessly. Right. And they definitely receive it. So what does that mean for the next six months for the gross show? I value so much that you're part of this community.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:41

So we're going to continue to release episodes on the current schedule of every other week. But it needs to be a bit different than how it works now just to help reduce my stress. That's one of the things that I'm making sure that I do during this time so I can really focus on my wellbeing. So we'll be releasing one new episode each month, which I'll be pre recording before I have my surgery. And then we'll be rereleasing some of your favorite episodes. So it'll be in every other week thing. So you'll still get new doses. And you'll also, because we have over 120 to choose from now, will be releasing past episodes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:15

And there's also something new that's coming out. It's going to be a special series called Being Honest Treatment and Breast Cancer Awareness for The Grit Show. The hope is to release these weekly and provide y'all updates about my journey. They'll have no videos, there'll be no social media clips because we're going to get rid of the things that make it harder, that make it less likely that I'll do the things. So it's just going to be me talking to Mike, not setting up video, not recording and doing social media clips that have my face on them because I don't think I'll be feeling like showing my face. And that just adds a level of stress. And if you've been watching the videos lately, my Internet at my house, which hopefully will get repaired during this time because I will have a break from needing my Internet constantly. My Internet is ridiculous and it's dragging down the quality and it's very discouraging when this is your livelihood and what you love and you have no control over the Internet because where I live there aren't options.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:15

And it's very frustrating because, you know, we all know what it's like to have things are outside of your control when you care about the quality of things. So we're going to get rid of that stress and get rid of that peace and it's just going to be me talking about my journey and that's really what it's going to be. So conversations about what's happening next and what it's like and those pieces. So if you want to be part of that and understand things a little bit deeper, you're going to be able to be connected to that. And so that'll be a subscriber only piece. And this next chapter is going to be intense. It'll be a bilateral mastectomy and construction in the spring, followed by additional treatments that we're still determining. So it'll be a good three month recovery and there's two smaller surgeries and then the one larger surgery that we part of that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:05

But it's just a chapter, not the whole book. There's a lot to my story and it's another thread in that tapestry of who I am, of who we all are. And I would love for you to be part of that journey if that's something you would like. So as someone who's been giving much of myself to my business, the Authentic Connections Podcast network and the launching the solopreneur Sisterhood, these podcasts and to supporting other podcasters and entrepreneurs building their dreams, I don't have a sick leave to fall back on. That is definitely part of being a solopreneur and part of that journey. So I do need to significantly scale back on my work and focus on my well being and reducing that stress while still ensuring the business and communities I poured my heart into art aren't devastated and don't disappear by my lack of availability. So part of this opening myself up to receive is acknowledging that I need support to keep these podcasts alive and to keep this business alive and to continue supporting our amazing network of creators and to maintain this community built together. So as you know, I'm stepping back as much as I can.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:10

The Authenticity Amplified is going on hiatus. I'm no Longer hosting for Author Express. Other folks are taking that over and we've explained the great show. But to still be able to make things work, I am going to start a GoFundMe, which is hard, but you'll find the link to that in the show notes. And for anyone who likes to support this journey in whatever way you can, I would be so grateful. And also know that I appreciate you doing this in whatever way you can. So that doesn't need to be financially, like I appreciate that. I appreciate $5.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:44

Every $5 adds up and helps and is your way of showing support for what you get out of these conversations in this podcast. But whatever ways, your prayers, your thoughts, your love, your sending this to somebody else who can support it in that way, like whatever you can do is so appreciated. So before we wrap up today, I'd love for you to take one more moment with me to think about the times in your life when you've had to learn to receive whether you wanted to or not. Maybe you're like me and still learning that lesson, or maybe one of you're one of those rare souls who's mastered the art gracefully of accepting help. And if so, I'd love to hear your story. You could be somebody who I look up to in my journey. So wherever you're at with that journey, know that you're part of the story too, because that's what this is really about. Not just my journey with breast cancer, but our collective journey and learning how to support each other, how to receive love and help that is offered, how to find gratitude even in our hardest moments, and that we're all connected and we can be that support to each other that I freely give to others and that it's okay for me to freely accept support as well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:20:49

That that's part of the tapestry. That's a part of how we all are connected. So in keeping our grit wit in this episode, I want to think about that receiving a little bit. So I want us to think about receiving a little bit. If you're here, it's probably because you are a giver, someone who is taking care of others and used to the doing. So there's a chance it's a challenging area for you as well, right? So for a moment, we're just gonna think back to the past week into something you received. Was there something you were able to let someone else do for you that you were able to let in? Bonus points if it was something that you asked for without expectation and while still remaining open to receiving it? I Think that's the hardest part, right? Leaving yourself open without expectation. We probably need a whole episode on that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:36

Right. It's easier to do it ourselves than to have the pain of expectations. And the art of being open without the pain of expectations is too deep for this segment, but a concept we want to be able to be curious about and be open to. Right? To have that awareness. So we're just starting with when did you last receive and thinking about the last thing that you accepted from somebody. Did you let somebody hold the door open for you and were grateful and accepted that? Did you tell someone that you needed them to make dinner because you were at your wits end today and did not have that capacity? Did you ask someone to help you with a project at work because you needed that support and you were open to them not being able to offer it? Was it something from your kids that you were able to ask them to help clean up and be open to that and leave space for them to be helped for you? Just think about the different ways you've been able to receive and how that felt. And if you let it, if you let yourself feel it, if it wasn't just an expectation, if it was actually something that you took in as receiving and had gratitude for and had grace for, the way that they were able to do that for you, even if it wasn't as perfect as you wanted it to be and the way that you want it to be. Were you able to safely share what you wanted or needed? Were you able to put that out there even with yourself? Are you able to tell yourself that you do need to go to bed early and give yourself the gift of going to bed early because you need that rest? Sometimes you identify what you need and giving to yourself can be the first step.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:11

So right now we're just being brave enough to start having awareness about receiving what we've received, what we're open to receiving, how that works, just figuring out where we're at with receiving, being able to understand, do you receive regularly and how do we respond to it? How do we feel about it? Do we recognize it as receiving? Do we have gratitude for it and what are the stories we tell ourselves about it? Do we tell ourselves that people aren't doing a good job when they're giving to us? Do we feel unworthy even when we do accept things or do we not feel grateful? Before my wedding, I was completely overwhelmed with the prospect of gifts and having nowhere to put them. And that was like a complete block to receiving. It was just overwhelming. So it was part of why we moved to the house that we have now before our wedding so that I wouldn't feel overwhelmed. And it was awesome too, because I opened myself to receiving and we actually got fewer packages and more money for our honeymoon and other pieces like that, which was awesome because that was what I wanted and that worked out great. But it also meant that I was so excited every time we did get a package because we had a place for those things. I also, a few days ago, received a beautiful care package from a dear friend. And I was elated and felt so loved.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:24

And it was action impetus. I started. I took the day off, actually it was a weekend. I should take those off more. But I actually, like started cleaning out things for my wedding. It was like unrelated, but it felt like I was ready to make space so I could let more things like that in. And so if I do receive more things in the coming months, I'll have space to them and won't feel overwhelmed by them. But it was nice to feel like I could clear out so I can make space for receiving so that when I get those beautiful things, I can take them in and appreciate them instead of having any feeling of overwhelm.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:57

So that's a block that I have is I need to clear things out so more things can come in. Do you have any blocks like that? It's nice to get curious and figure out, like, when we get something, if we're like, tense up what that's about. And for me, it's because I need to clear out more stuff to make room for the things that I actually want in my life. So awareness and curiosity. We talk with that a lot here, don't we? So thank you for starting this conversation on receiving and thank you for being here and having me share where I'm at and what I'm going to need in the coming months and for being part of that journey. I hope you do check out the subscription portion. If that's something that you would be interested in hearing more about and learning about my journey a little bit, I'd love to have you as part of that. And if you have other ways to be a support, I really appreciate that as well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:43

So thank you for being part of this journey, thank you for being part of this community, and thank you in advance for joining me in this next chapter of The Grit Show.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:54

I value the time we shared together today. Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram, ShannaPodcasts or HA Grit Show. There's even a link in bio@the.grit show where you can send me an email to let me know what you thought. Today's episode. Hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got, and that really does mean something.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:26:41

I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon, and I hope you're following along or subscribed so that you'll know and be here too.