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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

You've heard of the five love languages, but are they real? Do they actually mean something? And if so, do they apply at work? Do they apply to other things? We're going to talk about all of that today and I think you're going to appreciate the answers. Thanks for joining us.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:22

Welcome to The Grit Show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them, and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:02

Before we get started talking about the five love languages, we get to celebrate. It has been two years since this grit show first launched. Isn't that hard to believe? Two years now. This is why we have more than 100 episodes, because we have been putting out content and connecting for two years now. July 26 marked our two year anniversary, so we just had to have a moment to celebrate that and be very excited about the fact that more than 5000 views or listens have occurred since this podcast launched. And it's very exciting to share this with all of you and to have you be part of this community. So thank you for being here and for making it possible that we are still here and still sharing information in ways that we can all grow and grow together and keep getting through and keep becoming more of who we want to be as part of this. So love languages, are they real? So my experience is largely anecdotal, but there is some research behind all this, right? And personally, I see them as 100% real and I've absolutely seen the impact that they have.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:18

And I feel like understanding them has added to success, not only in my personal relationships, but in my friendships as well as helped me at work. And so we're going to talk more about that at the end. So I feel like this is an excellent tool for looking at how you interact with others and how you understand how others feel appreciated and loved and cared about, and understanding them and understanding that different people feel things and interact differently is a very valuable tool. So that's one of the greatest values I see in the love languages, is that understanding that we don't all experience things the same and it's valuable to understand that people feel appreciated and loved in different ways, and it's valuable to take the time to understand how other people experience that and what they need so that they feel that they're valued and they feel that they're loved. And so I love that there's a tool and a way of doing that. When I first started this podcast a couple of years ago, one of my early guests, just a couple months in, was Bethany Ann and she was a relationship coach and we actually talked about love languages. So if you go back to episode 13, you can visit our conversation. And even though she and I talked about alignment relationships and talked about her work as a relationship coach, we did start the conversation with the five love languages and had some great examples in there.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:50

So I'm going to try not to revisit the same examples because we had a really good conversation. So I do encourage you to go back to look at some of those examples because there's some strong ones that were there and it was very crucial to have those examples to be able to see how different people interact and the value of better understanding the person they were with and seeing things through a different lens of why things were happening. They were the way they were happening in those relationships to make a difference. So my own journey with the five love languages, I first heard about it in my early twenties when I was engaged, my early twenties, which is just a abstract concept at times, but I was engaged in one of the books that I supposed to read as my premarital counseling was the five love languages. And when I read the book, there wasn't any test to take and I was clueless as to what my love language was. We figured out what my fiance's was based on reading the book, but I really didn't know what mine was. I felt like I was pretty good at speaking all of them, understood them, and I didn't walk away from it really understanding anybody else's love languages. It really wasn't that simple.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:03

Even reading the book, I had a lot of examples in it, but for me it was still a little bit abstract and wasn't very concrete. So it's over the years that it's become more clear to me how that works than what it looks like. And it was when I was much older and somebody I was dating and we were having conversations around it that they really helped me understand and they helped me understand. My love language is based on me having a challenge with the relationships I was in and what made me be done specifically with guys that I was dating and it was because the fact that they didn't get me, what they didn't get about me was spending time when it mattered. And I think that that's the conversation we're going to have more of today is around the common misconceptions that can happen around love languages. Each of the languages, what people are afraid the love language means more so than what the language actually even means. So my primary language is quality time, which we'll talk about. Acts of service is my secondary.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:06:04

Sometimes primary language and physical touch is one of the other ones giving and receiving gifts, which I prefer to say that thoughtful gifts, sometimes it's referred to as tangible gifts, too. And then words of affirmation are the different languages. And oftentimes we have a language that we don't score very high in. And when we don't score high in a language, it can be hard to understand that language. And that's usually our blind spot a little bit. And then we have misconceptions about it and we want to minimize it or have negative intonations with it. So mine being quality time could often be misinterpreted as quality time, meaning that I have spent all my time with somebody and I had to be with them constantly. And anyone who knows me knows that I'm actually fairly independent.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:06:56

I like to have my time to myself. I like quality time, which is me. And so that's not what quality time means. It's not. Doesn't mean I have to be with somebody all of the time. Quality time means that I have to have the attention and the focus and intentional time with somebody. And that's how I feel connected and close to somebody is when I have the quality and the time together. And so really, if I go to dinner with somebody and we're both scrolling through our phones and not really talking or connecting or is paying attention to each other, then it doesn't really count as quality time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:34

Right. But if I go on a walk with my husband and we're talking about our day and we're really connecting to each other like that, 20 minutes, I could be good. That's the only time we get to see each other that day. So I can, if I have a good 20 minutes like that, that's enough for me. Like that can be enough to make me feel, like, build up and connected. And so when the quality of these items can count in ways we don't expect, and I think that the thing with the tangible gifts or the thoughtful gifts can be that people think like, oh, somebody, if theirs is gifts then they need something expensive. They're all about money. They're very superficial, and that's not the case at all.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:19

Like, somebody who is tangible gifts or thoughtful gifts. Like, that's why I want the tangible or the thoughtful added in there. Because it might be that when I go and travel, if somebody that I'm close to is thoughtful or tangible gifts, it might be that when I was on the plane, I saw an article that made me think of them, and I tore out the article and gave it to them when I saw them. So they had a copy of the article that I saw when I saw them. Or it might be that when I was walking and took a hike, I found, like, this perfect rock that made me think of them and gave them this rock that I saw on the beach, because it made me think of them. So it's not so much that I had to buy something, or is there a tangible reason? Like, it can't just be, like, I just grabbed a rock and gave it to them and there's no reason. But if I saw the rock and the rock was shaped like an elephant face, then they love elephants, and so maybe think of an elephant. Cause it was an elephant shape made of elephants, and that's why I gave it to them.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:17

Like, that was a very thoughtful thing to give to them. Or if it was an article that I saw that was related to something we talked about, then that was a very thoughtful thing to get for them. If I was at a conference and I got a pencil, there's one conference I went to where the pencils were like hair that was yarn that was on the pens or whatever else, and I thought they would think that was funny and cute. And so I got them one of those that even it was a free pen or pencil from a conference that was a thoughtful, tangible item to give them from that conference. Or if I got a squeeze ball for a stress ball at a conference, and it was shaped like a melon. And we had a joke about this one time that we got melons, and we both thought they were disgusting. Even we love them, but it made me think of them. And that trip we took together, and I gave that to them.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:02

Then it works, right? So if it's something that. A gift that's very tangible, that's connected to them, that's also thoughtful, it doesn't have to be that I'm buying that friend gorgeous, expensive jewelry all the time, right? It just needs to be something that's thoughtful and tangible. And sometimes when we think of gifts, we think that it has to be something that costs money constantly. Like, it might be a postcard that I think of them and send them a postcard in the mail which isn't that expensive. I don't need to buy them a gift at Disneyland that I have to bring back with them. It just seems to be something that I'm sending them that I thought of them when I was there from that trip and wanted them to know that it's easy for us to take these things that are some of these words of affirmation that we constantly have to tell them they're doing a good job when really telling someone they're doing a good job is actually really empty praise. It's not words of affirmation that telling somebody very concretely words of affirmation are. I saw how hard you worked on finishing that proposal.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:11:07

You put so much thought into all the different components of it, and you connected with people and made sure you had all those pieces involved in it. And I really appreciate how much effort you put into this and that you obviously really care about your work and getting this done or if it's one of your kids is buttering toast. And I still remember when I was a kid and I buttered the toast and I did not do a good job. And one of my parents was very quick to point out that I did not do a good job, and my other parent was quick to point out that they should not be pointing out they didn't do a good job. But the, there could have been a word, if I was words of affirmation, which I'm not, but if I was words of affirmation, it would have been valuable to have said, like, I really appreciate that you took the time to put butter on the toast because you know that I love butter toast. And it's very thoughtful of you to make sure that my toast is buttered. Like, that is very much words of affirmation. Right.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:00

Without commenting on the fact I didn't touch the corners and whatever else was the case, right. There's still a way to even be positive about that and a words of affirmation instead just saying good job. When I didn't do a good job, I didn't get the butter in all the corners. But it was thoughtful of me to make sure that I butter the toast because I knew that person liked to have butter on their toast. I knew they liked toast. So the words of affirmation is, you know, thank you for paying attention to the fact that I love toast and I love butter on my toast. And that you took the time to put on the toast, and then you can still go and fill in the corners, and it's not going against what you just said. So it's like, how you do each of these is also very important.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:38

Just like with acts of service, somebody might be thinking, oh, you have to be waited on hand and foot because you're acts of service, when in fact, you'd be surprised when somebody's acts of service, how much small things can count. When somebody's really depleted in any of these languages, it can be a little bit harder to have them fill. Like, they're appreciated, they're loved, they're acknowledged to fill their cup up because it is so depleted. But in general, when somebody's having this stuff done on a consistent basis, it doesn't take a lot, especially if it's being intentional and being done as an act of service and not being done grudgingly, right. It can be as simple as getting them a cup of coffee or taking the time to wash the dishes and doing those pieces. And when you're doing it to make sure that they realize that you're doing it because you love them and care about them, and that's why you're doing it. And that begrudging way. You don't say, like, I can't stand doing dishes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:40

I'm only doing them because acts of service is your love language, right? Instead of doing, like, I see how hard you work, I want to be able to contribute and support as well. So I know doing the dishes is a small thing, but that's what I had time for today, so I want to always do that, or I just took out the trash. I know that's just a small thing, but I wanted to do that because I know you do so many other things, and I wanted to at least contribute that piece. And so to do it not begrudgingly, but doing it because you're doing it for them, because you want them to know that you're doing it because they do so much and you want to contribute to that, because that really is the acts of service piece, is that I'm doing a lot of things, and I just want to see other people doing it with me contributing as well and being part of it. And if you have kids and your partner is an access service to other kids, say, hey, you know, mom does a lot around here, you guys, let's show her how much we love and care about her by chipping in and making sure we get these dishes clear, because she does so much to take care of us. So it's really great when we can do and chip in and do this stuff as well to show her how much we love and appreciate all that she does for us. And so that you're putting that context in with it and so that things like clearing the table can be that little message of we're doing this because we love and care about you and that we see how much you do as well. And this is our little part.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:14:57

And to acknowledge it a little compared to how the other pieces, that person probably does a lot of time access people are doing a lot for everyone else, right. And that the people that are the gift givers, that are tangible gifts is their language. Like, they're the ones giving a lot of gifts and that not being done in return. And so when you do give little gifts, to say this is for all the many things that you've given to me, I know it's small in return, but I just want you to know that I really appreciate all the gifts that you give. And you show me that you care. And this is my little way of showing you that I care. And so that you're kind of giving that context of acknowledging what they do in that way as well when you're doing those things. And the same as physical touch, like, it can be surprising, like if you aren't a hugger, you aren't a physical touch person that, like how much a squeeze of a shoulder, a squeeze of a forearm.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:47

Like, that's actually something I do a lot. Squeeze forearms, I think a squeeze of the arm, a squeeze of the shoulder, holding of the hand. Like, I can tell you I have in the last three months, I've had three different girlfriends comment about me holding their hand and like, oh, no one does that. No one holds my hand. Like, I love that you're holding my hand. To comment on me holding their hand, those are probably one of their top languages, is probably physical touch and that a lot of people don't do that, don't hold hands. And it's not one of my top languages, but I'm aware that for other people it is. And when you touch somebody's hand and they actually touch it back, chances are they're a physical touch person.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:28

Right. And so to test those things out with people who you think that might be their language, to do those things and see if they might actually want to have their hand held and they might actually want to have their shoulders squeezed, if those are things you're comfortable doing and if you're not as comfortable to find other ways to. To connect with them. Fist bumps, like, whatever else, to show them that you're connected or sometimes physically being in presence with those individuals can be of support as well, so that it doesn't have to be constant. You can be surprised how little thing can go a long ways for those individuals, but when it's low on our totem pole, right. For me, physical touch is low on my totem pole. Gift giving is low on my totem pole. No one would believe that gift giving is low on my totem pole because my mother, that was very high on hers.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:16

So I learned that language at a young age, even though it's not my language. So I'm multilingual. That's one. That is not one of my languages. And so I understand how people can misinterpret it because it's not one of my first languages. So it is one that I have to pay attention to and look for. And that's the same with physical touch, is when I have to pay attention and I have to look for because I'm not used to it. But it's important that you figure out what those are.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:49

And I'm very fortunate that I've had, like, my husband and one of my longest term partners that quality time was one of their top languages, even though it wasn't their top ones. And so it's great they can meet that with me, which is probably why I've not walked away, because I've left other relationships where there wasn't a top language. Right. But their top language is something else. And so I've had to learn their top language and make sure that I'm meeting their needs so that they also feel loved and cared about, instead of it just being like, oh, just spend time with me, and I'll feel loved. But you don't ever feel loved, because I'm not paying attention to what your language is, and I'm not meeting your needs and finding out how you need to feel loved. And one of my other languages is acts of service, and my husband is fabulous about making dinner for me, and that's his way of showing me that he cares and he loves me, which I genuinely appreciate. I grew up with a dad who fixed everything from cars to every miscellaneous thing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:54

I still probably in my closet now that's waiting to go for him to fix. From shoes to every random thing, he would have a way to fix it, right? He was Mister fix it. He always has been. And so acts of service was an easy thing for him to take care of. So it was one of those type of things that I've been fortunate to be around people, that that's how they do. And I am probably most of my closer friends. Quality time is one of their top languages just because that's what I enjoy the most. And so most of my dear friends spend time with me and that works well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:31

And we do fun, exciting things. And obviously I love to travel and stuff like that. And I feel like a lot of people love to travel. Quality time is one of their, their top languages. But it's been good for me to figure out what people's languages are because a lot of times when people are feeling dissatisfied, frustrated, overwhelmed, it's because they aren't their cups not full, they aren't feeling loved and connected. And that's because their language isn't being. Being met. And that's when I started looking.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:20:02

It wasn't until the job that I had, probably ten years ago, that I started looking around at people I worked with and recognizing, oh, his language is words of affirmation. So I need to do better about telling this person I work with when they're doing a good job. And, oh, this person gets super excited when I bring treats into work and I make sure that I save a muffin for them or something for them when I come into work. So this person here is theirs is tangible guess. And so paying attention to who I worked with and what things they responded to and knowing that that made a difference and if this person I worked with at that squeezed the arm like was something that they needed when they looked like they were having a rough day and having a hard day, that that was something that helped to fortify them and whatever else, and when they did a really great project that giving them that literal pat on the back was something that could make a difference for them, really feeling they were being appreciated and they were being seen. And so to start to figure out what people around me, especially if they were having a hard time, like what things were needed to help them feel more connected. And you know what languages they aren't like, I have my friends that do not like to be touched, then I come from a huggy family, so I'm definitely like the person that, you know, gives hugs regularly or is used to that. And I've worked with kids for a lot of my life, so, you know, you know, people, that's not their language, but figuring what is somebody's language is a little harder.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:26

And sometimes when you listen to them talk, you can find that out. And when you look right at your friends that had a really hard time during the pandemic, but everyone was so isolated. There might be a good chance that quality time might have been their language and they weren't able to spend time in person with people. It's kind of surprising that I have so many friends spread out all over the place when I. Quality time is my primary love language. But then it's not surprising that when I move somewhere, I can't help but make new friends because I still need to have people that I spend quality time with. When I moved to Washington, DC, I was like, that's it. I have too many friends, too many places.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:22:10

I'm not going to make, you know, new, dear close friends. And I walked away with a few very dear, close friends from Washington, DC because I couldn't help it, because when I was there, I needed people to spend quality time with. So if I was words of affirmation, I probably wouldn't have as many friends, right? Because I could get that from anyone, anywhere and not people that I was physically in the same place at. So one of the results of being a quality time person is that when I move around a lot, I find new people I connect with in places that I love because I spend time with those people. That's what makes people connected and close and cared about and all those things. So it's valuable for you to kind of reflect and figure out for you what that is, to look at your kids and figure out what sells their cup, because it is different for different people. I know, looking around my family, that I often think, oh, I think it's this or I think it's that. And I feel like there's at least one person in my family that individuals can get frustrated with because theirs is tangible gifts, but that is how they feel loved.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:23

And so I think it is good that they ask for things because that's them getting their needs met, right? And so I have a different lens to look at that because the fact that I see that as them getting their needs met, and it can make it easier when you see it that way. So it can be valuable to take that step back and be able to say, huh, am I feeling loved? Am I feeling appreciated? And could it be because the people around me aren't speaking to me in my language? But if my partner is a, like, some of my languages are quality time and access service, and I might have a partner whose language is words of affirmation. And they tell me all the time how wonderful I am, but I could care less. I don't care if you think I'm wonderful. Somebody who's gonna help me out and take care of things, who's going to water plants or soothe the porch or make me dinner or help out with things, right? And so it's valuable for me to know, wait a minute. I need to listen when this person is saying they care about me and saying things that are affirming to me and I need to say things that are affirming to them because that is their way of communicating love. And I need to communicate with them in that way. And I also need to be reminded when they are saying that, that their way communicating to me that they love me because that's their language.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:49

And especially when you're with kids and they're communicating those things and they're saying that and you're like, stop saying that. I just want you to do this. That's their way of communicating that. Or if you have kids that are, like, touchy, huggy, lovey all the time and not doing these other things that are how you feel loved and cared about, to translate that constantly. And I love that it's called languages, because it is necessarily to translate that, right. That we translate it from being, this is their way, saying, I love you. So I need to hear this as love. And I need to say back to them in this way, this is love.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:26

I also need to teach them my language. They're also telling me that I'm loved in the way that I hear it and understand it. And I'm also telling them back in this way, too, so that we can speak each other's language and understand how we need to communicate that and to be able to say to kids, too, like, I know that when you hug mom, when you give me these squeezes, you're letting me know that I'm loved. You know how I feel loved. I feel loved when you help me out with cleaning things up in the house. Isn't that so strange? That's how mom feels loved. But that's how mom feels loved. I feel loved when we pick things up, put things away together, that's when I feel like I'm loved.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:26:06

So I will hug and squeeze you so you feel loved. And you can help me clean up so that I feel loved because that makes me feel loved. If that is, in fact, my way of doing that. And if it's quality time, it might be that. And the way I feel loved. As in we just sit on the back porch and we just stare at the moon together. And that time together is how I feel loved so tonight we'll spend some time just sitting on the moon but. But I'll rub your back because that's how you feel loved while we sit in star at the moon because that's how I feel loved is just sitting there staring at the moon together.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:26:38

So be able to make that understanding the kids, for our partners, for our friends to be able to make that translation. Our friends were usually closer to being on the same page as. Because we seek them out, right? So they're usually the ones that are on the same page. It's usually our partners and our family members that we need to do a little more decoding and our co workers. So that's the, the one thing we got to figure out just a little bit more is how we make sure that we translate to those other situations, those other individuals, a little bit more to get on the same page. So how does this translate for work? There is a book that I will have in the show notes called the five languages of appreciation in the workplace. Empowering organizations by encouraging people. And it's fabulous because it is looking at doing that more individualized approach instead of agency wide approach.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:27:30

And especially if you're a manager or anywhere in the workplace, especially if you're a manager, it's very valuable to look and see because the appreciation and the motivation and that connection is such an important thing for workplaces that it is valuable to be able to look at your staff and understand that. So understanding who you work with and how they feel appreciated, how they feel seen, how they feel acknowledged, is crucial. And actually this book might have existed. I didn't know it existed. I was already doing that in one of my former positions of trying to look at the SAP and understanding and starting to have a light bulb go off of, oh, yes, this person does do better when I take the time to do that. Affirmation and words of affirmation is one that is probably in the top three. For most individuals, there's only five. So it's not that hard to be in the top three.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:28:24

But words of affirmation is one that if you're good at that, if you're going to learn one language, not yours, that's a good one to learn because it usually is in the top three for folks and in the workplace, it's a great one to be good at. And I'm sure you've noticed with managers you thought were good, that's one thing they were good at, was words of affirmation. And the key of being very specific when you're giving back, affirming feedback to individuals and letting them know what they're doing right and doing well and being very specific with that information, but also realizing that there's still more languages and finding ways to communicate them. And I think that the appropriate physical touch one, like that's probably the one that's the hardest to translate into the workplace for people to understand how to do that. But like I said, I'm the queen of squeezing the forearm. I think of, like, just giving that gentle, firm pressure. And it's probably because I worked with young children and would have kids with sensory things, and so gentle, firm pressure on, and this is a very safe place to touch. Gentle, firm pressure on the arm is something that I learned working with young kids to help soothe and calm them.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:30

That that was a place, that and shoulders was a place to do that. And so being able to like that type of touch with somebody that you work with and to let them know that they've done a good job or let them know that you're connected or to that piece is something you can do that is very appropriate. And to understand, like, that balance of things as well, and to understand things like meaningless gifts that are given in the workplace versus intentional things that are given in the workplace. And so there's how to use tools to be able to acknowledge individuals and to be very intentional with those tools instead of very just blanket. And how if you talk to people that, you know, there are workplaces that do these blanket acknowledgement things that people don't feel acknowledged by them and they don't feel like they're appreciated by them. And so that more individualized approach and that understanding and trying to look at that. So it's a deeper topic for this, but the awareness for you to have that these things do apply in the workplace as well. And they can apply to more than just love languages, that it is a way of feeling appreciated, acknowledged and connected.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:30:40

And so there is value beyond that. There's no awareness I want you to walk away with, and they'll put a link to that book and the show notes for you to have. And then the bigger question about is there a test? And yes, there is a test, and I will put the link in the show notes. We have the link in the show notes back in episode 13, when we first talked about it as well. And it's done by the original authors, Gary Chapman, when they first, the ones that first did the book, and they did some work on that. So they have a test you can take to look at it. And so that's for the love languages and there's numerous tests you can look up for the five appreciation languages for work and those I'm not going to pull a link for because they're usually, they're a little more spread out on doing it. And I do have ones I use when I do consulting the management teams because I work with management teams about building teams and building those connections and doing that reflective work with teams.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:34

And so I have ones I use for that. But you can google and find one that you can utilize. I just don't have one specific one that I would endorse for that not coming from the organization that originally did that work. Definitely check that out and you can take those tests and utilize that and have a very fabulous conversation with other individuals. And there's numerous books I will I only link to the original book in the show notes, but there's books about teens and kids and all different layers. So if you do ever read the other five language books and you find one that was really good and really useful, please come back and tell me because I would love to link to that. I just don't want to give too many endorsements for stuff that I haven't read. As much as I didn't get as much out of the book, I feel like it's the basis for the work.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:32:20

So it's a logical thing for me to link to. But there's better resources. I'd love to hear about them. So be sure to share that. I would love to hear more about that. So for our self maintenance minute, my plate is a little full right now. I took off some time to travel and be with my grandmother Larue, who passed last week. She had a lot of other fabulous family that was with her.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:32:40

So at first I didn't feel a need to go and then I felt her pulling me in that pull to be with her. She is immortalized in my novel beyond the pair of blockbuster and she is just an incredible woman. I'm so lucky and blessed that I really feel like she's one of things that like the Lord brought her into my family's world, into my life. Like, she's just such a gift and I'm so grateful for all the time that I have with her. She lived into her nineties, which is just such a wonderful, amazing thing that we had her on this earth as long as we did. And I value so much of the conversations I had with her and so much as she did for my family and so much the fact that she and my grandpa Ralph, her husband, are both immortalized in my novel, and they're only in one. One scene, one chapter. It's hard in a fiction book to hold true to who somebody is if you're going to have them, and much more than that, at least in my opinion.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:33:36

So they're both in a chapter later in the book, but it's a fictional scene. But the way she carried herself and who she was in that chapter just 100% encapsulates who she was as a person and the way she showed up for me and the way she showed up in life and just her wisdom and people underestimated her, I think, so much. And I just loved her ability to see truth and hold truth and her understanding of things. She's a beautiful woman, so she will definitely be missed. And I value her a lot. And so I'm taking little breaks this week. Extra tea breaks, breathing deeply when I need to, walking away for the work is done because there's a little extra work. That little bit of time I took to drive to be with her and to be gone when there's other things stacked up around that time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:30

But I will also be taking time this weekend to do a little bit of nothing because quality time is my language. So that's also my healing language, is to be slow and quiet and have that time because that's needed. So whatever your language is, whatever your needs are, just honor it and find time for it. I had a dear friend offering to, like, chat on the phone if I needed, but I just need to go on walks and sit and quiet and I do the things you can only do in person because I'm that quality time girl. It all plays into it. So be sure to share this episode with someone you know who would like to learn more about the five love languages and maybe if that would resonate with them and better understanding how they connect with people in their life and better understand what they're missing and needing more of as well. Thank you for being here.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:24

I value the time we shared together today. Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram @shaunapodcasts or @the.grit.show. There's even a link in bio @the.grit.show where you can send me an email to let me. Let me know what you thought of today's episode. Hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all. You're why I'm here.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:59

And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got. And that really does mean something. I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon. And I hope you're following along or subscribed so that you'll know and be here too.