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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

Boundaries. It's a topic we are familiar with here on The Grit Show. It's something that comes up as we talk about how we can live a better life, right? So this week it wasn't something I thought we're going to chat about. But as our guest who is someone who specializes in how subconscious thought habits shape our lives, it is something that came up. I value the conversation that you are going to hear today because we cover a number of things, but one of the things I found most valuable is this incredible tool she shares with us. It's an audit really, that's going to help you better discern where you may find boundaries can be more beneficial in your life, a way to look at where they're needed. She shares with us so many tools and so many different tips that you are going to find helpful, but this is one that you're going to find valuable to implement. It's the one we talk about the very end and bring home so you can implement it in your life.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:03

As you walk away from this conversation, we talk about a number of things, one of which around money mindset, is also going to blow you away. She shares a beautiful metaphor on how to better position yourself right in the ways of your financial status, especially if you've been crushing under the weight of those waves. There is so much to gain from our conversation today that goes into showing what she means by how subconscious thought habits really shape our lives and how we can look at that and turn that around in ways that can really benefit us. It's definitely right in sync with the conversations we have that add value to our lives. I'm so glad that you showed up for this today and I think you're going to get a lot out of it. Welcome to The Grit Show, where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:08

As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them, and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections. Amy Kemp is the owner and CEO of Amy Kemp, Inc. As a certified habit finder coach, Amy has led over 400 female business leaders through a four month small group engagement called Encounter. This experience is designed to help them replace subconscious thought habits. They no longer serve them with healthier ones. Some of the most popular topics in her library of offerings are money is a mirror, and a boundary is not a wall. Finally, with the launch of first book, I see you, a guide for women to make more, have more, and be more that more work.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:02

She's connecting to even more people in new ways, and we are very excited to have her with us today on The Grit Show. Thank you so much for being here, Amy.

Amy Kemp [: 00:03:09

I'm so excited to have this conversation with you. Thank you for having me.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:13

Yes. I'm so excited to learn more about all that you offer and how it can connect to our audience and help enhance their lives as well. So starting with your book, congratulations. Thank you on that.

Amy Kemp [: 00:03:24

Thank you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:25

So how would you sum up or say, is the crux of the concept behind ICU?

Amy Kemp [: 00:03:30

Yeah. The core message of this book. There's two things I'd love to communicate. One is the core message. The other is who I wrote the book for.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:37

Mm hmm.

Amy Kemp [: 00:03:38

I think both of those are critical, but the core message of this book is that you can't have outwork your thought habits. My ideal reader is a woman who has reached a point in her career or building a business or just in her life where she has no more time or energy to give. She has maxed out and yet has this deep ambition to create more income, more impact, more influence. And so you kind of sit at this cross section of I can't give any more or I can't just go faster or longer or harder than what I've been doing, and I still have more to contribute, and I want to contribute it or create it. And so it's right there where most of my work happens, which is at that point, needing to really evaluate some of the subconscious habits of thinking that are really holding you back.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:40

Yes. Because it's amazing how much our thoughts are propelling us without us realizing them.

Amy Kemp [: 00:04:45

Oh. There's so much happening below the surface of our brains that we're unaware of on a daily basis, and yet it is affecting every minute of every day. Every minute of every day. And so this work, while it is not fast and quick change, it is sustainable and long lasting and real. And I love that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:10

What made you finally decide that a book was what you wanted to have as your way to connect with the women who are having these experience versus doing the coaching that you've done for so long?

Amy Kemp [: 00:05:21

Yeah. Well, first, I was an english major. I love the books. I love the words. I love reading. I've always dreamed of writing a book. And when people ask how long it took me to write the book or how long I've been writing it, I always sort of jokingly will say, I've been writing it for 25 years. This material that is in this book, and women that I've worked with for a long time, when they read it, will say, oh, this is like everything you've taught for 25 years in one place.

Amy Kemp [: 00:05:56

So I will say, this has been in the works, and I've been writing it for a very long time, but more to use in a teaching context than in a book. Here's why I wanted to put this outside of being a lifelong dream coming true, which is amazing. I also really wanted to give all women access to the principles that I work with. And a lot of my offerings are priced at a point that isn't accessible to women in certain seasons of their life. And so this is a way that you can sort of step into the world of Amy Kemp, Inc. At a low price point. It's an easy barrier and really get to feel the book is written as if you were experiencing a coaching session with me. So that was really important.

Amy Kemp [: 00:06:45

Access was, and then I think of it also sort of like a front door where, you know, you might not need to come all the way into the living room, but maybe you just want to walk in the foyer and look around and see if you want to go further. You know, it's a low risk situation where you could just knock on the door and walk in a little and kind of peer around and see if this kind of work would serve you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:08

Wonderful. And what do you feel like in that foyer? What do you feel like is what's inviting for folks and what you're trying to make sure you're conveying when they first walk in to work with you and to experience what you're offering.

Amy Kemp [: 00:07:19

Well, I'm. I'm going to tell you a story because I think this really expresses the feeling of the book and how I want my reader to experience it. And this is what inspired the title as well. So I was at a community event where I met a woman who, she sits at some really important tables in our community. She makes decisions that impact a lot of people. And we met really briefly. It was, a friend introduced us, and I thought, oh, I really would love to get to know her more. And so I just invited her for coffee, and we met and talked for probably about an hour.

Amy Kemp [: 00:08:00

And I really just listened to her whole story of how she got to where she was. And about 55 minutes in, she sort of abruptly interrupts me, and she says, why did you invite me to coffee today? And without thinking, I just said, because I see you. And she put her head down and wept, and it felt like a long time. And then she kind of sat up and she wiped off her eyes and collected herself a little bit, and she said, thank you. So few people do. And it was just this moment where a lot of people see this woman in quotation marks, but no one really sees her experience. And that's how I want you to feel when you're reading this book, as if, oh, she gets this. She understands the weight of the mental and emotional labor I'm doing at home, plus the mental and emotional labor I'm doing at work, plus in my community or my faith community.

Amy Kemp [: 00:09:12

And she understands that there's a constant tension between my ambition and my deep commitment to these things that I love and these people that I love. And those things often seem at odds with one another. And seeing where people are in that experience just validates it. It makes you feel like you're not crazy or alone. And so that has been what, really, I want people to experience.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:41

Yes. Is it hard to get folks to kind of take those steps back, to understand how their thoughts are perpetuating, where they're at and the challenges that they're having?

Amy Kemp [: 00:09:52

Yes. And I would say also sometimes they're even just a little miffed about it. You know, I was, when I worked with, I use an assessment tool that's called the habit finder. I vividly remember taking it for the first time and thinking, one, how did they know that from this? And two, how can that actually be true? And then when I really started to unravel it and I started to observe and pay attention to what it revealed, I started seeing it everywhere. So I'll give you an example of that because it feels a little cloudy. But here's an example. I, at that time, and probably still have a tendency, I'm a very, what I would call a systemic thinker, where I'm good at tasks, I can get things done. I like a checklist, and I want to kind of solve problems.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:48

Yeah.

Amy Kemp [: 00:10:48

There's this energy that I've used to grow successful businesses for 25 years doing that. However, the energy of coaching and developing people is probably the opposite energy of that energy. Developing people requires holding space for them, not fixing things, not taking on their feelings and their outcomes, really just being able to hold space, be neutral, listen, ask empathetic questions, and stand there with someone fully in their experience. Right. They generally find their own answers. They generally know what they need to do next, if you will, hold that space for them. However, at that point in my leadership, I was just a doer, and I was really good at it. And so when people wouldn't do, I just wanted to fix it or solve it or jump in to, and I recognized, one, my life was so different from theirs.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:11:42

Yeah.

Amy Kemp [: 00:11:42

Two, it was really irritating for me to try to solve their problems and fix everything, and three, me carrying around all of the responsibility for their outcomes, which I had no control over, was really inhibiting the growth of my business. It wasn't allowing my business to grow like it could. So when I first realized that through the habit finder, like I said, I just was sort of defensive about it. But the more I noticed it, the more I thought, oh, no, this is pervasive. This is happening everywhere.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:17

Oh, wow. Yeah.

Amy Kemp [: 00:12:18

And I've improved. I've gotten a lot better, but it has been a journey, and it's a lot about observing and being aware of what energy I'm bringing to which space, so.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:30

Oh, that's wonderful. And what a great thing to have an awareness over. And how interesting that you chose that path in your work when that's the type of person you are. Right. That those two things converged and yet such a tool to figure out where that was, making it a challenge.

Amy Kemp [: 00:12:45

Mm hmm. Absolutely. And sometimes just putting language to it even helps, because I could describe, oh, that's what I'm doing there. I'm trying to fix it or solve her problem or his problem. I'm trying to jump in and manage all of that, and it's not really my job, so. Yeah, but having the language to describe that was really helpful for me also.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:11

Yes, that's very beneficial. And that's a lot of what you do once you've had your clients take that inventory, is help to figure out where they might be tripping up, or does it kind of tell them just by taking the test where those things are out or that assessment, when you.

Amy Kemp [: 00:13:26

Take it, it's free on my website, and you get the results right away. It does require a little bit of digging into it with someone who is trained to use it to fully understand it, you can gain some value without question, but there is a depth to it that even for me, I'm still always learning more about the tool, which I love. So, yes, it's great on the surface, and then the more you really learn, the more you can learn.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:54

I feel like you figure out where it applies, and that's where the aha moments are. Cause to know the things is one thing, but then to be like, oh, so that's why that's happening, or that's where that is. And the application is the complex piece of it. Sometimes the awareness is good, but the application is the other piece to doing that.

Amy Kemp [: 00:14:14

Absolutely.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:14:15

With your book, you feel like getting people to understand that awareness comes from as well in your book? Or do you feel like your book is just kind of laying the stage of understanding your approach?

Amy Kemp [: 00:14:25

That's a great question. I think the book digs into some specific habits of thinking that I see in women most commonly or most frequently. So it's sort of taking these habits of thinking and really drilling down into them more deeply. So I'll give you an example of women. Actually, I won't even do gender with this. People tend to undervalue their areas of natural genius because they feel so easy to them, and they think everyone can do this very easily because to me, it just feels easy. Right?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:09

Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:15:10

And so then we tend to not charge or demand that we get paid for doing those things that feel so easy to us, but that astonish everyone else. And so that's a habit of thinking. I see a ton with women. There's a whole chapter about identifying your natural genius. One, and then two. How do you actually get paid for it? How do you harness that thing you do that feels so easy to you, but that is really adding value to the world in a rare and unique way.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:43

Yes. And sometimes it's even understanding that it's your area of genius because it is so easy for you that you don't understand it's so complicated for others, and you're so quick to dismiss it as an area of genius.

Amy Kemp [: 00:15:56

Totally. I tell this story in the book. I had a client who worked in project management for many years for an engineering company, and she was working to transition this building on their property that was sort of a rundown barn to a community center that she could use for a business she was growing on the side and use for other gatherings of people. And so I said to her, well, why don't you just use your project management skills and create the project to really create this space? So I'm not kidding you. We hang up from the call. Not even an hour later, I get a text from her. It has a picture of this poster with all of these post it notes on it. It's like 75 steps.

Amy Kemp [: 00:16:44

The first one reads barn. That looks like a crack house. That's exactly what it said. I'll never forget it. Right. All the way down to finished center that can be used by our community. And she did that so quickly. And to her, that was so easy because that's her natural genius.

Amy Kemp [: 00:17:06

But I am not doing that ever. Right?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:10

Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:17:11

Yes. This is not my natural genius. So I'm able to see it so clearly because I thought, oh, my goodness. I said, do you know that most people can't do that? And she even said, do what? She couldn't even understand that it wasn't normal that you could do that so quickly.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:30

You go from point a to b just through this path. It was like, where did that path. Oh, my goodness. Yes. Like, how did a equal b? Like, that's just overwhelming. Yes, totally.

Amy Kemp [: 00:17:39

And then the distinction also, of how do you make sure that you are valuing that as it should be monetarily, particularly if you're an entrepreneur.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:50

Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:17:50

It's really tricky. Should I get paid a lot for doing something that feels really easy to me? Is that okay?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:57

Yes, because you look at the time you're putting into it and at the outcome that you're enabling for others, because for somebody else, that would be, like, a huge, time consuming, huge effort. It's worth a lot for them to not have to do that.

Amy Kemp [: 00:18:08

Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:08

And you just see as well, it took me no time at all. Like, how much is my time worth? And it's not about that. It's about the outcome you're able to produce.

Amy Kemp [: 00:18:13

Yes. It's about the value that you're adding to that person's world through your natural genius also. And it often continues to have value after the exchange happens. So are you being paid for the full value of what you're bringing for me? I'll give you an example to. We built a clubhouse when I was very little, and you had to put a piece of chewed gum. You had to stick it on this tree to get in. So that was the entry fee. But I would lead small group discussions of all the neighborhood kids about how we could make our neighborhood a better place.

Amy Kemp [: 00:18:52

Oh, my God. Like, in these trees, in this fort. And I think now I've always done that. I did that when I was teaching high school English. I did that when I was growing a business. I would gather small groups of people and facilitate conversations about how we could move things forward, how we could make things better, how we could connect better. Right. And so my.

Amy Kemp [: 00:19:14

My encounter groups, my small coaching groups that I do with women, that feels so easy to me to facilitate a conversation with a small group of people, I will do it no matter where I am and just do it. It's where I am, right?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:27

Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:19:28

But I didn't realize for so many years that not everyone can, and that that's really valuable. It creates a significant life change for people that is very valuable.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:40

Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:19:41

So it's just that whole, even unraveling of what have I always done in different contexts that I could harness and really use to serve the world and be paid abundantly for it?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:54

Yes, exactly. Exactly. That kind of segues into another concept in your book that I really want to have you talk about is about the money, and we can have money make us feel unsafe. And I think that that's such an important thing for us to think about out and put some time into it. And I would love for you to chat a little bit more about that and this concept you have about us getting on the beach, because getting on the beach with our money and talk about how that all goes together, please.

Amy Kemp [: 00:20:19

Sure. This works for anyone, but I do feel it resonates, particularly with entrepreneurs or with people whose pay is based on their performance. So if you are commission based, you'll really feel this more deeply a lot of times. So when I was a new entrepreneur, I was in the ocean. Here's the metaphor. Like, let's say I'm even on a surfboard, but I was in the waves. And when the money was coming in, I was at the crest of the wave, so happy, riding the wave, excited. But then when it would dip, as it always does, I would go underwater, sputtering, spitting, choking, terrified.

Amy Kemp [: 00:21:05

I was drowning. And I just lived in this constant allowing money to make me feel either safe and on top of the world and successful, or like a failure, terrified I wasn't going to make it. So what I learned to do over time, because that got really exhausting.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:25

Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:21:25

Was swim to the shore and go to the store, buy one of those little beach chairs with maybe an umbrella, and see money from a distance. When you are on the beach, one, there is no shortage. There's not a shortage of water. Everywhere you look, there's water. And the same is true with money. There is no shortage. There's not a lack of money in our world, right? There's no shortage out there of money. But also, you'll see that there are supposed to be waves.

Amy Kemp [: 00:21:59

That's actually how it works. And there's even a tide, sometimes it goes in and out, and there are storms. Right. We just weathered a global pandemic. We'd say that was like a hurricane where we didn't know what was going to happen or what the impact was going to be financially on a lot of businesses. So, but when you're on the beach, you're not giving your power away to money to provide your feeling of safety and security. People always say this, I know, but if I can't pay my mortgage, I'm not very safe or secure, which is true. However, when you give money the power to make you feel either successful or like a failure, you're always at the whims of the movement of money, and you are giving your power away to something.

Amy Kemp [: 00:22:46

And what will happen is if you separate yourself from it, money tends to move towards you in larger quantities. Money responds to the energy of abundance, of safety and security and peace and gratitude and appreciation. Money moves toward that kind of energy. And so what we want is that money is moving. We want it coming and going. We want it moving all of the time. It's really important. But it is probably something that I still work on daily, is that relationship that I have with it to make sure I'm not giving my power away there?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:24

Yes. That is such an important concept. Instead of it being something you're writing or drowning in, instead of it being full of joy or full of fear, and to have it be this up and down, that you have this observer mindset, and you can sit back and see it for what it is and let it be there, a distance and appreciate that it comes and goes and has a flow to it. That is a really incredible. I love that metaphor and that concept. Amy, I'm glad that you shared that with us. To be able to have that way of looking at it. I think that people that aren't entrepreneurs are also saying, yeah, I can definitely see that I need to let it have a little less control and a little less power and be able to observe it and have that distance from it totally.

Amy Kemp [: 00:24:02

And you can panic when it starts going out in larger quantities. Right. You know, sometimes there are just seasons of life that are really expensive, or you have a wave of expenses that come in, and if you will just let it go and observe it and let it go without fear, it will come back faster. It really will. It's something about the laws of money and the energy of that, where there's a trust that it comes and goes and it's all right, it's just supposed to be moving. I also think of it sort of like water. Wherever I, we drink water and we need water to survive, but we don't try to hoard the water in our bodies and keep it for days and days and days. We drink it, knowing it's going to go through us and back into the world.

Amy Kemp [: 00:24:51

Right. There's a movement of it that we're looking for that's really important. The same with money. We want it to come in, we want it to go out, and we want that flow to be constant.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:01

Yes. And to trust. Just like the waves always come back in, even when there's a tsunami and it goes incredibly far out and people start to freak out, where's the water going? And it's going to come back in a dangerous wave, actually.

Amy Kemp [: 00:25:11

Right.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:11

So, like, it always does come back. And so to have that trust with it that is always going to come back is to be that more trusting relationship. That is very valuable. Thank you for sharing that. And you also talk about in your book about a resentment audit. Can you tell us more about what a resentment audit is and who can benefit from doing that?

Amy Kemp [: 00:25:30

Okay. If you want to know where in your life you have lackluster or missing boundaries, pay attention to where you feel resentment. Oh, so whenever you feel the feeling of resentment toward a person or a situation, imagine you have a neon sign over your head that is flashing missing boundary, and the audit is to just go through your entire week. Very observant. Don't try to change anything, but just observe where you feel resentful. So, for example, if you're feeling a lot of resentment towards your work, maybe you're just feeling overworked, overwhelmed, stressed out about getting everything that you need to get done. Done. And you're feeling angry about it.

Amy Kemp [: 00:26:26

Resentful. It's taking me, you know? Yeah, right there. I would say, okay, that feeling, pay attention means I'm over giving here. I'm over giving. I am not putting appropriate boundaries into place or communicating what I need or communicating that I need more time or that what I can give is this. And that is an excellent contribution for what I'm receiving in return in terms of compensation. But I'm over giving, usually when I'm feeling resentful. So same can be true with your kids, it can be true with your spouse, it can be true with extended family or even volunteer commitments.

Amy Kemp [: 00:27:11

If you're over giving and you start to feel resentful that you're having to do everything, or it's taking so much time, then I'm just saying, okay, that emotion, that feeling is a red flag waving at you and saying, you need to look at this area and really put some boundaries into place.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:27:29

Oh, I think that's so valuable to put the thought that those two things line up and that that's an important way for you to, like, pay attention. That is so valuable. Thank you. And with boundaries, like, you have a unique way of looking at boundaries, too. Do you have anything else you want to add in for us around boundaries?

Amy Kemp [: 00:27:47

Yeah. I would love to talk just to smidge about having boundaries with your goals. I see this happen a lot with women where maybe they go to an event or they read a book or they hear a podcast, and they become really inspired to pursue something or create something, which I love. But they set goals in this very separate world from the world in which they actually live. Right. You know, they're away from the whirlwind of their normal life, and they don't take into account the rest of their commitments when they're setting their goals. We can't have a healthy relationship with anything without boundaries. So we have a relationship with our goals just like we do with people.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:28:39

Yeah.

Amy Kemp [: 00:28:39

So I'll give you an example of a goal with a boundary. My goal is to work like a teacher and get paid like a CEO. So I work Monday through Friday. I work from eight to three, and then I have off when my kids have offer breaks. And summers are lighter. I don't. I still work in the summer, but it's much lighter than during the school year. So my goal is to get paid like a CEO.

Amy Kemp [: 00:29:04

But if I only had that goal, I didn't have the boundary of the context of what I can give to that goal. This is actually what I am capable of contributing. And then without that, I would just be working all the time because there's no restriction on it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:23

Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:29:23

And so there's just got to be this balance of, I want to add $10,000 of income while still keeping my Friday mornings free to visit my grandma at assisted living while also taking into account the other parts of your life. Because if you just pursue the ambitious goal one, then there's a ton of chaos that happens over here. You feel out of alignment, and it all feels pretty wonky, which causes you to retreat and think you shouldn't even pursue it at all.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:55

Yes, entirely. Yeah, exactly. So it's important that even though you have this exciting, ambitious thing you want to do, to keep in mind the real world and make things realistic and alignment with your other values and other.

Amy Kemp [: 00:30:07

Parts of you, and it will be tested constantly. So I tell this story in the book, goal. Get paid like a CEO, work like a teacher. I get a lead from another client. She was a referral, this amazing person who's my ideal client. I mean, in every way. I, our conversation, I was like, oh, I know the work I do could serve you. I adore you.

Amy Kemp [: 00:30:32

I think the work she was doing is so vital to our world. So we get done. She says, I don't even need to talk to my husband. I really want to do this. I know I want to do this. And I say, great, let's schedule our first session. And she says, okay, I can only meet in the evenings at 06:00 or later.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:30:51

That doesn't fit. Doesn't fit. Doesn't fit.

Amy Kemp [: 00:30:54

And I was like, oh, no. And so I said, let me sleep on it because my risk is to say yes. So I always sleep on it in areas of high risk. And I had to call her back the next day and just say, I adore you. I would love to do this work for you. Can we do it during lunch hour? You know?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:13

Yes. What are our options? Yes, what are our options?

Amy Kemp [: 00:31:16

And it just, I said, I just, if I do that one, I will be resentful and I will be upset with myself that I said yes. I know I'll be frustrated about that at that time. That's dinner time. That's time when I want to be doing other things with my family. I just will not want to be on that call. I won't bring my best. And the work I do is about this. So I can't be out of integrity or if nothing works.

Amy Kemp [: 00:31:43

But that's what I'm saying. It's a real thing that you, when you set a boundary, there is loss. There is loss there that you have to constantly navigate. It doesn't just, it's not just a one time decision.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:58

Yeah.

Amy Kemp [: 00:31:58

It's a constant yes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:59

And I love that you just mentioned that you sleep on it when you're having those hard decisions. But I recently was talking to a dear friend of mine when she was, she was implementing a really strong boundary that I was worried was going to be hard for her to implement and hers was just going to be, she was going to say no to everything for like, I think it was a year. She said she's, I'm going to say no to everything for a year. I totally support you saying no more. I totally support that. But do you want to start maybe saying that you're going to say, I need to think about that and I'll get back to you tomorrow for a year? Because. Because my worry is that you're going to ditch that whole idea after three days, because you can't say no to everything because that's really hard to do, too. But that may be that, just even taking a beat and slowing down to do that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:32:40

But I love this, like, putting it up against, like, what your values are and what's important and to have, like, this important concept, like you gave us for you of the CEO and the teacher, and to have these values at this high level piece that you're looking at, because I know we talk about word of the year on my podcast, and so we have our word of the year. And so my word of the year for last year was saver. And so when it came to making things, I postponed my wedding a year even because I wasn't able to savor it. So I have this high level of thinking of, like, what am I wanting to prioritize in my life? And does this make it so I can't prioritize it, which makes it easier to say no to things or postpone a wedding a year, which was a great decision. I got married in April instead of the May before. It was a great decision. But those are hard decisions to make. So if you don't have those higher concepts, it's harder to even know what it is.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:33:26

And I think the resentment audit can help you try to find some of those areas.

Amy Kemp [: 00:33:30

Totally. Another benefit to that also, that boundary is that you get super creative and really clear. So I know if I'm working from eight to three, well, what am I doing in that time? That's really creating the greatest impact toward the goal. And it helps you to really filter out a lot of things and make decisions about things. Because I don't have time to mess around.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:33:59

Yes. No. Time to mess around. Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:34:01

Or what are creative ways to generate revenue, for example, that fit within that construct or that multiply the impact without requiring more time? It just. It spurs all of this creative thinking inside of your brain that wouldn't if you didn't have the boundary there. But I do think, like, your word was like, a filter, like, that boundary. Right. It was a filter through which you could run your tendencies that are just subconscious, and you have to kind of pause and say, wait, does that fit in that? No. Okay, well, then I've got to rethink this. So it is essentially the same thing, what you did.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:40

Yes. Yes. I love. I love the resentment audit, though. That is fabulous. That is wonderful. It's amazing how long we've been chatting. Is there anything that we haven't touched on that you really want to make sure that we get in before we shift over to talking about your self maintenance and some other pieces to wrap up.

Amy Kemp [: 00:34:56

Sure. Um, the only other thing I would say in terms of boundary setting, just to kind of finish that one up, is that in order to set and maintain healthy boundaries, you've got to have access to your intuition. And as women particularly, we are constantly overriding our intuition. I'm hungry, but I'm not going to feed myself because I don't. I shouldn't be eating. I know that that person shouldn't be talking to me that way, but I have to make it okay because I'm in this meeting and that person has power. I know that this relationship I'm in isn't healthy, but I'm making it okay because I have these kids to take care of. We are constantly overriding our intuition.

Amy Kemp [: 00:35:43

When you lose access to your intuition in one area, you lose access to it everywhere. Mmm. So you can't override it in one area and then be able to pull from it when it comes time to say, how long is enough for me to work today? Am I done? Do I just keep working? Even around things like food choices, our bodies will tell us when we're full or when we're hungry, if we have access to our intuition. But we've overridden it so long that we're trying to make all those decisions with our brains, but then we get tired, and so by the end of the day, we don't make great decisions. But if we can slow down and do the work of reconnecting. The intuition didn't leave. It's still there. We've just overridden it.

Amy Kemp [: 00:36:33

It's this idea of just really listening more intentionally to what we know to be true and then acting on it that I think is vital to long, sustainable boundary setting. You've got to be able to access that. This doesn't feel right. We've got to access that intuition to be able to sustain it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:36:56

Ooh, I bet. So fabulous. And I don't think we pay attention to all the ways we override our intuition. So even acknowledging and paying attention to that is probably really good. First stuff for all of us.

Amy Kemp [: 00:37:08

Yeah, absolutely.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:37:10

That's so valuable. Thank you so much. I love that. Amy, is there anything else that we didn't get to touch on yet?

Amy Kemp [: 00:37:16

I think that's good.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:37:17

Yay. Well, good. So every episode on The Grit Show, because we really do care about self maintenance and taking care of ourselves. And we love for our guests to share. Share with us what they do for self maintenance and to take care of themselves so that we can continue to have examples and ways of thinking about how people take care of themselves. So what do you do as your self maintenance?

Amy Kemp [: 00:37:36

Okay, this is so fun, and I love to talk about this, but it's in my book also, which is scheduled, guilt free play time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:37:45

Ooh.

Amy Kemp [: 00:37:46

Scheduled is important. It has to be in your calendar. But for example, right when I'm finished with this podcast, I'm going to play pickleball. I've been looking forward to it all day. My friends have been trash talking in the pickleball text group about the game coming up, and I knew I had to get stuff done today so that I could go play. Right. But to me also, at least a monthly adventure of some sort is a requirement. I have a really busy brain and so I've got to give it breaks.

Amy Kemp [: 00:38:19

And I work from home, so I need to get out of here also and give myself adventure experience lots of different kinds of textures of play and cultural things, music and art, and all of these even like exercise type things of experiences. But when I used to feel guilty about that, now I recognize that those are actually the best investments I make in my work, in the people I serve, and in my family. Because when I am so jazzed about playing pickleball, I'm a better mom, I'm a better business owner, I'm a better coach for my clients than when I'm tired, worn out, overwhelmed and have nothing to look forward to.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:39:11

Yes. That is so perfect. And making sure you schedule that in and have it as a priority is so important.

Amy Kemp [: 00:39:17

Absolutely.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:39:18

I love that. Thank you so much. And the other thing that we also do is we like to have what we call grit wit, which is like a takeaway. And I actually love the resentment audit as our potential takeaway. Unless you have something that you'd rather.

Amy Kemp [: 00:39:32

I think it's perfect. I love its simplicity also, it's just pay attention to this one feeling, and even you can do kind of retroactively. Look back at the last week, where did you feel resentful? And is it always around a certain person? Is it in a certain space? Is it with a certain volunteer capacity? Is it with your kids? And what changes need to be made there to protect you from that? Because we need to love people accurately.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:04

Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:40:05

Not sacrificially.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:06

Yes. Well said. Very well said.

Amy Kemp [: 00:40:09

And so really making sure that the spaces where we're giving are boundaried and they are accurate and clear and not where we're just giving out of a feeling of obligation.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:22

Yes. So to find that place and then figure out what our boundary is so we can continue to give in that way but without the resentment to have the boundary be what shores it up, that is fabulous. I love that. Thank you. And I know folks are going to want to continue to connect with you. So your website, tell us. Your website, I'm sure, is one of the best ways. Sure.

Amy Kemp [: 00:40:43

Yeah. My website is super easy. It's my name, which is amy kashemp.com dot.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:50

Very easy.

Amy Kemp [: 00:40:51

So, Amy. Yes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:53

And the assessment you talked about is easy to find there as well? Yes.

Amy Kemp [: 00:40:56

It just says habit finder assessment. It says free habit finder assessment. Just click on it. You can take it. Like I said, you'll get your results right away and you can scroll through them and really read. There's a 44 page PDF of all of the results. And it takes only about five or ten minutes to take the tool to take the assessment.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:41:15

Oh, fabulous. That'll be wonderful. And then what's the other place? Is it best to find you on LinkedIn, Instagram? Where else can we find you?

Amy Kemp [: 00:41:22

Sure. LinkedIn Instagram are probably the best two places for sure. @amykempinc On Instagram is my page there. And then on LinkedIn you can find me at Amy Kemp also. So I would love to connect in those spaces as well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:41:39

Wonderful. We will have all that in the show notes to make it easy for everybody to find so they can connect you as well as a link to ICU, the book, so that everyone can order that, so they can read that as well. Thank you so much.

Amy Kemp [: 00:41:51

I did record the audible. It's my voice, so if you get the audible version, you will get to hear me. They get so annoyed if it's someone else, but it really is my voice. So if you're a listener instead of a reader, fear not, you can hear me read the book.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:42:04

Oh, that is so nice. And that obviously we have people that like listening. That's why they're here. So that's very good to know. It's very good to know. So we'll make sure. Yes, because it's. We'll make sure it links to the Amazon to be able to find that as well in that same link.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:42:16

Perfect. Thank you so much, Amy. I really appreciate everything you had to share. Thank you for being here.

Amy Kemp [: 00:42:21

I loved it. Thank you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:42:26

I value the time we shared together today. Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. Life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram, @shawnapodcast or @the.grit.show. There's even a link in bio @the.grit.show where you can send me an email to let me know what you thought. Today's episode, hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got, and that really does mean something.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:43:13

I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon, and I hope you're following along or subscribe so that you'll know and be here too.