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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

What if I told you that your brain's neural pathways could be rewired in just 67 seconds? Isn't that wild? Today's episode bridges cutting edge neuroscience with ancient spiritual wisdom to reveal how you can actually reprogram your mind for success. From cold water therapy to revolutionary thought pattern interventions, you're about to discover science backed techniques that transform both your brain chemistry and your reality. Today you'll learn about the importance of surrounding yourself with high energy individuals. Reflect on the past year, set clear, meaningful goals for the future and get ready for 2025. Our guest shares powerful tools including the Choose Again method as taught by Gabby Bernstein and emphasizes the power of positive self talk, energetic awareness and the resilience in making mindful choices. We even explore the concept of surrounding yourself with beneficial influences that can really shape your journey. Let's break free from negative thought patterns and align our actions with our desires. This conversation promises to enrich our journey as we move into the new year.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:06

I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to The Grit Show where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host. My name is Shawna Rodrigues and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections. We are in for a treat today.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:54

I have a guest you guys are going to love. Debbi Mahilum is more than just an ICF certified coach. She has expertise in neuroscience. She's all about mindset. More than that, she really empowers her clients to rewire their thinking, align their actions and their desires and create lasting, tangible success. Which I know is what we're all about. So as we get closer to 2025, we're going to have this great conversation where we can blend cutting edge neuroscience because we all love to have that little bit of extra information, that extra edge. But we're also going to get into the spiritual principles that really make this accessible and actionable that connect with all of us and make it so that our mindset shifts are going to lead to that continued growth both personally and professionally.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:37

So welcome Debbi . I'm so excited to have this conversation with you today.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:02:41

Thanks Shawna. Thank you so much for having me here on the grit show. I am so excited. I've been looking forward to doing this.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:48

Yes. And this is just great timing because I think that as we get closer to the end of the year, I know it can get a little crazy with the holidays and all that stuff, but I think it's this exciting opportunity to reflect on where we are and start getting us ready for the year ahead and where we want to be. And I think that your perspective is going to be valuable for that.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:03:07

Thank you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:08

What is one of the things that you feel like you found to be the most influential as people are looking to prepare for their next move and that next shift to really help them be able to be in the best space for that?

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:03:22

Really, right now, it's wrapping up what 2024 was doing. That deep dive into what happened in 2024, what meant the most, what resonated the most, what went well, what didn't go well, and why. And it's not just unpacking, like, the financial aspects of it. It's the highs, the lows, the joys, the. Why did I feel some of the things that I thought were going to go well and didn't? Was it something. Because, you know, we're the common denominators in our own lives. Right. And sometimes we expect those things to.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:04:02

Oh, no, it's because, you know. But in our own part, taking part in that, what happened. And sometimes, you know, we set these goals for ourselves and then we don't unpack them. And a lot of times, once we begin to have that clarity, some of those things that we didn't achieve, maybe because they really weren't as important to us. But the problem with that is we still carry the weight of our regret from not achieving them.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:34

Ooh, that is so important. So actually stopping to pause and realizing what things were there and maybe why they did or didn't happen and recognizing that maybe that's not something we wanted that much, and it's okay to let those things go instead of carrying them with us further. I love that.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:04:54

I think it's in a very important time for us to definitely do our work in looking in this past year, all of the things that have occurred. Because while our past does not define us, in order to move forward, we need to just understand what happened and then we can reframe it to better serve us in how we move forward and be an active participant in how we're showing up in the present. And that means holding ourselves accountable to knowing what we're doing, because with clarity comes engagement, not thought. So are we really writing down those goals? Are we figuring them out? Because you don't know where you're going if you don't know where that is. So, I mean, one of the things that I really think is very important for people is once you've done some of that work and you realize that wasn't so important to me, so great. Can release it. But now you need to sit down with yourself and go, all right, let me take a kind of broad look at my life. And this is why I love those wheels of life, all those certain aspects of your life.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:06:08

And you can gauge it on a scale of 1 to 10, and you get an easy, clear picture of where you feel like things aren't as great as you'd like. And you can take the two to three pieces of the pie that aren't looking as, you know, robust as you'd want, and maybe you can start focusing on those to begin with. A lot of times, what I'm seeing in particular, like, Fun and recreation, tend to lean a little lower on the scale because we Americans, we often focus a lot more on our career than we do having fun. Now, personally, I'm a libra if we're going to go back to, you know, the astronomy part of it. So I'm all about balance, and when I'm out of balance, you know, I'm just not having as much enjoyment in life, period. The problem is being a solopreneur myself. How do you maintain that? I mean, you can reframe things because, you know, I have to do a lot of networking, and I get to go to a lot of events that way. So I have to shift my mindset and go, I am having fun.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:07:16

How am I just perceiving all of this? So that ratchets things up, but when I have someone else do that, it's like, how can you also shift your perspective in what you're doing? I'm not saying fake it, but how can you allow yourself to understand some of what you're already doing might be better than you think it is?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:36

Or how can you make it better? How can you find the space to do it? I think you and I chatted briefly, but I've decided as part of my solopreneur, my entrepreneurial adventure, that I'm launching this exciting opportunity, the Solopreneur Sisterhood. And I decided that it's been this idea for, like, over. Like, for two years, and for over a year, I've been wanting to launch it and then I finally got someone else to do it with. Because the journey, like doing this work all the time, if I want to have joy in the process, I have joy in connection with others. So I have a connections network. Right. So for it to be enjoyable the entire time to me, working with somebody else on this project is going to make it far more enjoyable. So for me, that was the shift I needed to do was to find that community and find that way to have somebody else that I'm doing the work with.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:25

And that was a shift that I needed to make. So what do you need to do about it to make it fun? Like how can you make the networking fun? Is where you're going to networking? Is it fun so you need to find new networking groups or do you need to do something different to make it fun so that you are enjoying what you're already doing?

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:08:42

A hundred percent. I mean, this quote has been, you know, trotted out a hundred million different times. But the reason is because it's so true. Jim Rohn talks about, look at the five people with whom you surround yourself most. And that going back to because. And I think someone else and I don't know who it was kind of flipped it. Show me the five people with whom you surround yourself most and I'm going to show you your life in five years. Which is very true.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:09:09

And that even applies to entrepreneurs who are surrounding themselves with other business people, other, you know, because you're spending a lot of time with your coworkers, your, the people you hang out with. If you are networking a lot, you want to make sure that these people aren't just always like, oh my God, I can't believe I have. You don't want to surround yourself with that lower energetic kind of frequencies. Yeah, things happen. Life happens. We need to process it. We need to always be experiencing our feelings and not just shoving them down. You have to process.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:09:44

But if you are always in that lower vibrational state. I like to use the radio as an example. Yeah, you're going to be in a low frequency end, like the 87.1 end of the dialogue. But if you are around people who aren't going, you know what, yeah, that happened and I dealt with it. And always turning their dial up to, you know, the 100 point whatever. And okay, you want to surround yourself with them because they are mentally and emotionally capable of going emotional regulation. I'm going to do this. I know.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:10:18

Because business is going to happen. We got to make it happen. We're aware, self Awareness is your greatest tool.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:25

Yes. And that goes back to your whole point of looking back at the year and turning up our own self awareness to look at what has been positive for us. And if we are finding areas that aren't fulfilling our will and where we want them to be, like how we can add that into other areas and it sounds like with the people we connect with and spend time with are maybe something you need to take an evaluation of.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:10:48

And that's why the end of the year is such a great time for reflection. I mean, because there's a lot of areas that we can choose. And I'm not saying like you gotta drop people like hot potatoes. It's just a recognition of am I serving them as well. Either if I'm always going, this doesn't feel right, or if you're leaving. When you're with a group of people and you feel so depleted, you know, you're energetic, your body is full of clues because your body holds all the information. And it's one of those things. It's like once you know better, do better.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:11:23

I mean, they use a lot of platitudes and metaphors throughout this. I'm sorry, but they're just so accurate. It's great to help model more of that for any and everyone, especially within your family. And it's not to sit there and go, oh, I know this now. You need to do this too. You simply just have to model the good behavior or the better behavior that you've learned. It's not your job to change everyone. Those who will want to change will start to recognize, wow, that that's really made a difference for whatever they're doing.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:11:56

I'd like more of that too. And if you, you know, somebody else is looking for that light energy for that high vibrational frequency too, those are the people that strive for more. It's going to keep you moving upward and onward and making life a lot lighter and easier again. We're always as entrepreneurs, moms, whatever group we're in, it's always, we feel it. Especially these days at capacity.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:27

Yes.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:12:28

And when we're amongst people who are willing to not share our burden, but really allow for that energy to just be lifted because we're aware and wanting to with hands, share it amongst us. We can all, you know, grouse about things. It's how it's accomplished. Are we looking for solutions or more just talk about our problems?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:54

Yes. As you're talking, I'm having this visual and I loved it the first time I ever saw it. Where Somebody had like a glass of water that was like muddy, right? This like just dirty water. And if you're trying to like fish the mud out of the water, you can't. Like, you can just lift the spoon, you could just. You're removing all the water. As you try to fish the mud out of the water, you can't. But as you pour clean water in, like, eventually you pour enough clean water out and all the muddy water is like, just pours out of the glass.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:21

And so if you're trying to figure out how to like, fish those muddy people out of your world, like fish that dirty water out, you can't. But as you pour more positive people in, as you pour more positive things in, as you pour more what you want into your world, that stuff just naturally lifts out and comes out of your world. And, and so the goal isn't to like, try to microscopically take like a tweezer and pull, pull the dirt out of the water. You can't, it's mixed in there too much. But you can keep pouring more what you want in and eventually that will be all that's left. And so as you put more of the positivity into your world, as you put more of what you want in the world and become more of what you want, that is all that will remain. And so that's what you should focus on. And so trying to like remove the things that are annoying you.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:14:07

And you know, you said the most profound thing. It's, it's choosing for yourself. It's like recognizing within yourself. And that's where it all starts. And you know, it's funny, it's always again, easy like to go ooh, ooh about other people, but looking inward and starting there, because we all do. I mean, we, we're human, we're going to have faults and our brains are hardwired to protect us. So it has like a negative bias. So we don't want to erase all of our negative thoughts when it'd be impossible because those thoughts are there again as a defense mechanism.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:14:48

Like if we were out walking in the woods, if a bear were there or some other kind of dangerous animal. Our brains are hardwired in such a way to help protect us. So it's like it takes over immediately and like run, do something. So as that protection mechanism, we don't want to always have like completely positive, 100%, all of the time thoughts. However, knowing that we don't have to believe every thought we have, that is really something that I loved discovering over the past Couple few decades. Because a lot of times, you know, we recognize now that our self talk is just so heinous for most of us. Right. Growing up, nobody was going, now, dear.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:15:41

My mother was Greek, so it was in a very heavy accent. But she never said, now, Ted, when you talk to Risa, it. No, it. It no be kind. Okay? It was. She never said anything like that because, you know, my mom wasn't brought up in a time where that was ever discussed about emotions. You did what you did what you had to do. And so even when I was raising my kids, I mean, that kind of language, that was just all kind of starting to come to the surface, but you did it instinctively, but not with as much intention as there is now.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:16:18

And I love when people say, would you talk to your best friend that way? Would you talk to your child? No. No. Would you say what you say to yourself to someone you care about to a straight. No. So why would you do it to you? And your brain picks up on that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:36

Well, it's so strange that we don't stop to recognize that we think the things that we say to ourselves are ourselves. Like, we don't recognize that. It's like, those are the voices we've heard. Those have come from somewhere outside of us, and they penetrate the bubble and they've come in and we can push them back out. They don't. We don't have to believe everything we think. We don't have to believe everything that we say to ourselves. These are, like, outside entities that have, like, infiltrated and come in.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:04

The enemy is inside, but we can push it back out and we can, like, change those narratives, and we can change those things and move those things. And it takes a bit to, like, wait a minute. This isn't me. This doesn't have to be me. I don't have to believe this. This is yet another force from outside that's made its way in. And it's more dangerous because it's made it to my end. So I need to discern what of this to believe and what of this to take as part of my narrative.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:28

And we don't stop to recognize that we just, like, this is inside my head. It's, like, in here. So there it must be, right? It must be real. And so, like, nope, this needs to be thought through and discovered. And, nope, this is vetted as not being something I need to believe. Why do I think this? Why do I.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:17:44

Well, interestingly so, when I was doing my ICF neuroscience certification, one of the things. And I'm just going to do this in a explain it just like paraphrasing knowledge I learned. Your brain looks back on a lot of the experiences you've had. It's like cataloging everything and so it will give you these thoughts of girl, do you not remember when that happened before? And you're thinking about doing this now, Are you sure? Are you great. But no. And a whole slew of things like that keep you from necessarily wanting to take that leap or that risk or potentially, you know, for anybody single out there dating that next person or befriending somebody who your brain is going, well, they remind me of. But again that's just protection mechanism that your brain's going, trying to keep you from having any of the past traumas that you may have had or past hurts. And instead, you know, we have to make those discernments of.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:18:58

Okay, look, I get it. You're trying to help me. I'm in charge. You get back behind the wheel of the car. I know I'm using a lot of different metaphors, analogies here, but it's going, I don't believe that that's not necessarily true. And there's a spiritual method that when you notice these thoughts that keep coming up, coming up and they're just not very nice thoughts. It's called the Choose Again method. Gabby Bernstein talks about this one a lot.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:19:28

And especially when they're fear based, your ego's just making you feel bad. The first step in the Choose Again method is just to first just notice it. Just have an awareness that thought's coming up and notice that it's coming from your ego. Just recognize it as an old story that's trying to, I hate to use the word trick you again, but just notice that it's not really your story necessarily. It's just an old outdated story. So just again notice it. The second step is and this is going to sound a little out there maybe for some people, but it's to forgive yourself for having the thought. And here's where it gets a little where I think it's lovely.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:20:16

You can look at it this way. Forgive yourself for being misaligned and then celebrate your desire to shift. So it's thanking your negative feelings and thoughts for showing you what you don't want and revealing to you what you do. Okay. And this is where it gets really good and simple. The third step is to just choose again. And all that means is to reach for the next best feeling. And that thought is simply asking yourself what is the next best feeling that I can think of right now.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:20:56

We're not asking to go like to a hundred, you know, on a scale of one to a hundred, but whatever thought you just had, it's like, oh, you know, I. I just feel so yucky today. I. I look awful. I mean, just picking something out random. What's the next best feeling thought I can ask myself, okay, I don't look so bad, right? Very simple. And you can ask then the universe to guide you towards those next best feeling thoughts. So you're kind of like going up that emotional scale when you're being intentional about asking and thinking.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:21:35

What you're doing is you're putting a stop to that emotional spiral that you were on because you've nipped it in the bud. You're asking the universe for guidance or the universe or whatever higher power of your knowing. And sometimes if you need extra guidance, you can always ask the universe for even more guidance. You can ask prit by saying this prayer. Thank you, ego, for sharing. I choose to see this through this lens of love. Or you can say a prayer in this way. Thank you for revealing to me what I don't want so that I can clarify what I do want.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:22:18

And it helps to just, again, just keep moving you in the right direction. These are things you can definitely think because you know when you're on the go and you just catch that feeling and you want the next best thought, or if you're in a place that you can journal, it's like step 3B. Because then you can really allow yourself to see what was behind it. Especially if it's one of those old stories that keep coming up again and again and again. Mm. It slows down that mental momentum, especially if it's one that pops up a lot.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:22:50

Yes, I know that Gabby Bernstein's big on the internal family systems, and we had will help and did an episode some time ago with us on internal family systems. But one of the beautiful things about that is like to accept and kind of hold the different parts of ourselves because that's the whole that the title of that always trips me up because it's really about the internal family systems is different. Like we have a family inside of us in different parts of us that are doing different things. So that you always thank the part of you that you always see. Like, it is trying to protect you. It is trying to keep you safe. It is trying to give you information. So when we have these memories in different parts of us.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:23

So I love that your theory and your way of doing this always starts with Thanking that part of you and recognizing that it's trying to keep you safe, that it's trying to take care of you, and that it's serving a purpose, and that purpose might have served you previously would've been useful in that specific situation in the past.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:39

But that's a one situation, and that moving forward, like, we'll be aware and look for patterns, but this is what the path I'm choosing now and how I'm choosing to live my life and see things now and to be able to have that independent ability to look at things, that's very valuable, 100%.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:23:55

And, you know, just because it happened once doesn't predicate the happening in the future. So because we know better now and we're making different choices because we're being intentional and mindful of the actions that we're taking. So thank you, Brian, for, you know, trying to look out for me, but I've got this.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:12

I got this. Yes. Yes. What's the worst that could happen? I think that too much of my young life, I was too busy saying, like, two strikes, you're out. Even though it's three strikes, you're out. Because I was so busy, like, trying to be safe and trying to play things safe and to, like, head off any danger. And it's like, what's so. It's so bad.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:27

So, like, you get your heart broken, somebody doesn't show up. Like, not the end of the world. Like, live a little and, like, have experiences and just become more resilient.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:24:38

There are ways to be. To have other types of awareness. I mean, you just said something that reminded me of, you know, if something happens once, okay, it happened. If something happens twice, okay, that's a coincidence. Something happens a third time. Now, I might see that as a pattern.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:55

Mm.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:24:56

And then everything is data, right?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:59

Yeah.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:25:00

And so what we use now that we know that it's potentially a pattern, I'm just more mindful of that information. Doesn't mean it's right or wrong, because, you know, right or wrong is how we assign that label. But I'm just more aware.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:15

Yes.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:25:16

And so it's always choosing and how it makes us feel. Because, as you said, I love to understand how things make me feel in my body. And it's like one of those instant things because I can overego it. It. Right. And just start to overanalyze and. Oh, yes. Did that make me feel like.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:25:32

Oh, yeah. Instead of just, like, having that instantaneous. Did it make me feel expansive? Did it make me feel constricted? Because if I get an expansive feeling immediately without me, my br. You know, my ego, my mind and my brain going, then I know that it's generally a good thing. My intuition tends to serve me well when I remember to listen to it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:56

Yes. Well, that's a beautiful way. As you talked about looking back at the past year, look at what things made us feel expansive and ready to explore more, gain more, do more, be more, and what things made us feel tight and constrictive. And that that feeling can just be so many things. And that's a great way to kind of look at what things were good for us or what things were limiting for us and to be able to see what things we want to move towards more and what things we want less of. As look at 2025, a lot of.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:26:27

Times, again, with some of the circles that we run in, a lot of times when people release themselves from our lives, we'll admit to ourselves, because we're human again, that a lot of those people made us feel that way too, because we'll feel more unlike ourselves. Were we able to be our authentic selves around those people? Did we feel more depleted after we left them? Now? I mean, there's certain situations where, you know, you have to be around certain people regardless. You don't have those choices, like sometimes in work environments or when you're volunteering or things like that. And so that's different. So you can get energetically protected and do as much as you can. But when it's a situation where those are not the cases, those are where we want to be more in alignment with people who can help us and we can help them better serve one another.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:27:23

Mm, yes. That's where we want to be. And one thing. So you mentioned talking more about surrendering. So as we look at 2025, what.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:27:31

Does that look like in the act of surrendering? It's about surrendering my desires, our desires to the universe and welcoming what is the highest and best for all. And typically so when we're manifesting something or asking the universe, you know, we're telling the universe our desires clearly and understanding what that is and doing our part. But then I think the difficult part for a lot of us is it's kind of like taking your hands off the wheel and knowing that the universe has a far greater plan than you and I could ever begin to imagine. A kind of like, give you this analogy this way. So let's say you and I were going to go to the restaurant of the universe, and we've Been planning it for weeks and got the menu because, you know, we looked it up online and we decided what it is we were going to eat. Because fabulous menu. Exactly what each of us wanted. Different types of food, your favorite, my favorite, even you.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:28:37

Down to like the little side menu pieces that we wanted. Get there. It's gorgeous. I mean, it's just so well appointed, luxurious. Just unbelievable. The aesthetics. So the host seats us at our table. Plush.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:28:54

The plates are just touches of just hand painting. I mean, everything you can imagine and hope for in bar. Sit down. Server comes to the table to take our orders after filling our glasses with just the most incredible beverages you've ever seen. And you give him your order, I give him mine. And then as he walks away to take it to the kitchen, to the chef and the staff, I'd ask you, would you ever think to follow the server into the kitchen and sit there and watch the chef and the sous chef and the rest of the kitchen staff make your food?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:36

Nope.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:29:37

That's essentially the act of surrendering. You've placed this very well thought out desire that you now handed over to the server, knowing that what it is you've manifested in your heart for all this time, this incredible meal will be brought back to you and made manifest. Because you're not going to micromanage your desire by checking up on it every five minutes. You're just going to continue to do your part. You didn't eat heavily throughout the day. You did a little, probably a little exercise. We both did. We went for a really long walk.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:30:14

So, you know, we were going to be happy because we knew it was going to be this really fabulous meal and we wanted to be ready for it. But you didn't keep checking every five minutes or every time the server passed by. Is it almost ready? Is it ready yet? Is it going to be here? Because the act of surrendering is having that faith that the universe does have a far better plan. And in fact, when they bring the dishes out, the orders don't look like what we expected, nothing like it. But when you took that first bite, it was so much better than you or I could have ever begun to dream on our own. Because we continue to do our part and allowed for something greater to come in. And that's the act of surrendering in a nutshell.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:05

There we go. And so much that is the place that you're in. I have two silly examples that go with that. Like last night, I love Tillamook chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Love it. And last night I worked Too late. Very long day. My love went to bed before I did and I got myself a bowl of ice cream.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:21

And this morning it is in the sink like demon dumb it down the sink like not finished. And he asked me like there's something wrong with it. Like we just bought that ice cream. And I was like I think it was freezer burnt something. It was like didn't taste good. It was whatever else. And he was like oh, is there something wrong with the ice cream? I'm like possibly or I just a really bad mood and can enjoy it. I don't know.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:38

There's a possibility that was what I brought to have ice cream last night and not with the ice cream brought and on. Last week we went to dinner with a good friend of ours, this great restaurant and I ordered it was halibut or mahi mahi was some fish and it had like a hazelnut crust. And my husband told me he didn't order it because there was ingredient that he didn't think he was he'd like. And he was surprised I ordered it and I said well, might be mushrooms, I think that might have mushrooms. And I don't usually like mushrooms. And I said but. And I ate it. I was like oh, I think I might have mushrooms.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:32:09

But this, I mean such a good made up. It's a great time that I'm really enjoying this fish and it tastes great but it's this hazelnut crust that isn't like as crunchy as I thought it would be. And there might be mushrooms on this which well, it still tastes good. I'm happy we're good. So what you bring to the experience is so much of the experience is something I love. Last night I didn't even finish and something that might have had mushrooms which I don't usually care for. I totally enjoyed last week and had a lovely dinner with delightful people at a great restaurant and it was great. Even though there might have been mushrooms on my fish which I would not have put on my fish and normally would not have ordered if I noticed it so.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:32:45

And that's it. When you surrender your desires to the universe and you welcome what is the highest and best for all involved. It's magical how things can shift.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:32:54

Yep. Where you're at and what you put into it makes the whole experience so much different.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:32:59

Your energy of who you are is what you attract. And this is to say again, and I really want to highlight this, this does not mean that if you're in a low vibrational place something bad has happened that all you're going to attract is bad things. We're allowed to have human experiences. It's how do you then respond to all of it? And I think that's the important part. I live by. How you choose your thoughts is how you choose your life. And that's where the choose again is really important. Because choosing to stay there is a choice.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:33:40

Yes, you're allowed to feel. You have to feel your feelings, you know, to grieve, to move through what's going on. But continuing to do that is just heartbreaking. To think that because being joyful is your birthright and giving that light to yourself and to others, to help them find their way as well. So robbing yourself of that experience. And I don't want to make this seem so Pollyanna, it's just when you even define the small amounts of joy, the smallest throughout every day, it's just a layered approach when you've gone through something bad. But once you do and you find your light, even as small as it can be, it builds again.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:25

Well, you need to feel the emotions, I think that actually, but you need to, like, go through them. It's a tunnel. It's not a place you get stuck. And I think that it too easy to get stuck. So you need to experience them. And once you experience them, it's like you clear them to be able to feel the next thing. So you need to be able to fully experience things so that you're able to be in that next place. So don't do the Pollyanna thing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:48

Like, I love that.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:34:49

Oh, no. And exactly.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:50

That's why flip it and ignore it, but, like, actually experience it. And then like you said, the next best emotion and move to that next place when you're ready for that next place.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:35:00

Right. Because if you do that, that's what's called spiritual bypassing. When you're trying to be like all happy all the time and it does not work and you crash. I like to think of it as like, you're a file container and then you're filling yourself full of those negative files. And what happens to those when you overfill one file cabinet, eventually it bursts and it's going to burst at the really most inappropriate time. And so, yeah, no, absolutely feeling our feelings. And that's why methods like the cheese again or catch cancel. Correct.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:35:36

Is another type of method similar. You're catching that thought, you're going to cancel it out. That one tends to work well if you're saying something out loud or to yourself that you're like you didn't mean because you catch it in the moment, like, oh, so stupid. Oh, no. Cancel, cancel, cancel. And then you're going to correct the thought, best thought. So there's so many ways. But just having the awareness is truly key because a lot of people are still not catching that they're having these loops of negative thoughts.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:36:11

And I'm going to be sharing with your audience, with your permission already, a little mini audio masterclass that helps to also do this because mood follows action. So there's another way to really shift your thoughts simply by physically moving and recognizing and having that awareness that in neuroscience, like getting up from the place that you're ruminating and getting up and doing something physical can also help shift your thoughts.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:36:43

That's fabulous. Yeah. So you're gonna give us the audio, the link to the audio for that then?

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:36:48

Yes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:36:48

That's wonderful. Thank you.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:36:50

It can be really hard to feel the pressure of always having to feel like you have to be so happy and like grateful. And sometimes it can be hard to feel like I'm having a hard time leaning into it. And there's practices that you can use to overcome it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:37:06

Yes, that's good. It's definitely good to know that. So what do you do regularly to help you with? We call it self maintenance instead of self care because we don't want it to have any indulgent tone to it. So what do you do to take care of yourself and keep yourself in a good space?

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:37:21

Oh, my God. You want to hear like the most simple one you can start out with?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:37:26

What's that?

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:37:27

Okay, so we all shower. We're Americans. We over shower according to like everybody else in the world. At the end of my shower, because I like probably too hot of a shower, I end my shower with cold water, cold, like put it on like the other end of the thing, cold water. And so it's kind of like giving your mind and body like a little high five of vitality. But it's really a powerhouse kind of practice and it's both spiritual and science based.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:38:02

A little cold plunge, huh?

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:38:04

Yeah, like a mini cold plunge in your shower. Because I live in an apartment, so I don't have a cold blunt.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:38:10

Just get the cold splash. That's fabulous.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:38:13

I stay under there for about a minute or two, depends on the day. But it's really easy just to start out like a few seconds and then build up. But spiritually, the benefits of this, it's kind of like a renewal, if you will, because you can just feel like you can clear out. And if you set that intention, you can clear all the negative energy, all the negative, like sloughing, you want to release and cleanse it out of you and have it just go down the shower drain and get rid of it from people, places, things, situations, energies that you feel might have built up. And it's a great daily thing that you can do. But it starts to feel very transformative and it gives you that bit of resilience. Now, energy wise, the cold water is believed to wash away any stagnant energy. So it leaves you feeling lighter, clearer and more aligned, which is really right.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:39:16

Yeah, no, it's a great practice. I love it. Thank you for sharing that. That's great.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:39:20

Yeah. There's neuroscience backed benefits to it as well. So cold exposure, even in the shower boosts dopamine levels by up to, they say 250% if I'm right. And you know, dopamine's your brain's reward neurotransmitter. So it boosts mood, motivation and focus. It activates the vagus nerve and so that connects to the parasympathetic nervous system, you know, your rest and digest. So that helps reduce your stress and it improves digestion and that also helps with your emotional regulation. And the biggie, it improves your brain function.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:39:59

I mean, not in a huge way, but every little bit helps because the sudden temperature change change wakes up your nervous system and that enhances our alertness by boosting noradrenaline and that's a hormone that sharpens focus and supports your mental clarity.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:18

Nice. Well, I love it. So we got a little bit of self maintenance, but also a little bit of like grit wit to add to the things we can do. And I love the Choose Again method as a nice way to overcome our limiting beliefs and be able to interact with that as well. So you've given us some great tools for us to be able to implement as we're closing out the year. That's been so fabulous. Thank you so much. What's the best place for people to find you if they want? You have a podcast.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:43

What's the name of your podcast?

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:40:45

It's called Dream Daringly. It's where neuroscience, mindset and universal laws meet.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:40:51

I love that. That's a great little motto for. That's perfect. So people can check that out. We'll have that in the show notes too. And then LinkedIn and Instagram are the best place.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:40:59

Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:41:00

Wonderful. That's wonderful. Thank you so much. This has been so valuable. I'm sure people will listen to this and help them get themselves in the right mindset to close out 2024 and reflect on it as they get ready for 2025.

Debbi Mahilum [: 00:41:13

Thank you Shawna, and this has been wonderful. I've enjoyed speaking with you so much.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:41:17

Yes, I think it's been great for everyone listening as well. So thank you so much and Happy holidays to you. I value the time we shared together today. Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram, @shawnapodcasts or @the.grit.show . There's even a link in bio at @the.grit.show . Or you can send me an email to let me know what you thought of today's episode. Hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:41:58

After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got and that really does mean something. I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon and I hope you're following along or subscribed so that you'll know and be here too.