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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:03

Welcome to The Grit Show where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections. If you've been around the Grit show, you know that I like to leave room for emotions and that we see the importance of experiencing emotions because the emotions we don't experience are the emotions we are forced to carry and they can get very heavy. On this holiday week, we know that there is a full spectrum of emotions and all of them are welcome here. If you want to reflect on the joy of the holidays and prepare for entertaining, there's a link to our episode from earlier in the holiday season with our joyful hostess in the show Notes because the holidays are full of joy and magic, but to offer balance and to acknowledge that there's more to the holidays, we are also going to talk a little bit about the glimpses of grief for anyone who has lost someone that they have loved deeply that often rears its head around the holidays.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:33

I know that after losing my mom, it seems every Christmas I think of her and a lot of times on Thanksgiving and a lot of times on other holidays too, because she was a powerful force in my life and that loss is felt on holidays as well as other times. So we want to make sure we take time to touch on that too. Last year we replayed an episode that I know I was touched by and that you all seem to resonate with as well. So we've included that in the episode notes if you would like to revisit that full episode. And we've also included a link to Enduring Grief, which is a fabulous podcast that joins our network and has a full season of episodes with meaningful conversations around grief, what that means and the conversations we need to have more about in our culture around grief and processing loss to continue this conversation in a new way for most of us. We're going to also have a borrowed podcast episode this week. From the Fire Inside Her, Diane Schroeder shares about gratitude, grief and ultimately growth and some of her own valuable reflections in her own life and what she's been through with that. So I hope you enjoyed this episode and I hope you're enjoying this time of year and allowing yourself to feel the full spectrum of emotions that come with any holiday and most any day that can happen as well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:01

I hope you are finding warmth with people you care about this season, and I hope that this is a valuable conversation for you to be part of. And here's Diane.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:03:13

Hello my podcast, family and friends. Today's episode is a special one. As we approach the holiday season, a time that is supposed to be filled with joy and celebration, I think it's really important that we acknowledge the spectrum of emotions that also accompany this time of year, especially those of us who are navigating grief today. I'm diving in to the interconnected themes of grief, gratitude and growth. So let's start by acknowledging the elephant in the room. Grief. The holiday season can be a poignant reminder of those who are no longer with us. And it's really crucial to allow ourselves the space to feel, to mourn, and to honor the memories of our loved ones.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:04:13

But not just our loved ones. There's a lot of things or events or points in time throughout the year that can be stirred up when it comes to the holidays. You know we're at the end of the year, the intentions that you set for yourself or the goals that may not have been accomplished, all of that is important to grieve because grief isn't something to be swept under the rug. It's a natural part of being human. My Grandma Kinsley, who lived just a couple blocks away, was the most loving and kind human I have ever known. She is by far the biggest influence in my life. She just always demonstrated to me unconditional love and part of her magic was how special she made the holidays. I have the best memories of spending time with her around this time of year.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:05:19

It started the night before Thanksgiving. I would spend the night, we would say the rosary before bed, we'd say the rosary when we woke up, and then I would help her cook and we'd turn on the Macy's Day parade. Thanksgiving also kicked off candy making and party planning season with Grandma. She always hosted an annual New Year's Day party in her tiny little house and we would start collecting items and snacks and food for the party right around Thanksgiving. I would help her make fudge and peanut brittle and rum balls. She always had me stir. And I will be quite honest, 10 year old Diane did not like being the candy bitch is what I affectionately call myself. I would have to stir with one hand and hold the candy thermometer in the other because the temperature had to be just perfect and there was no room for error.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:06:20

Grandma made sure that each batch of candy that was made was perfect and if it wasn't, it would get thrown out. I look back at those memories now and they are some of my most treasured memories. In fact, I still have the candy spoon that my grandma used. I use it every year when I make candy and it is one of my most treasured pieces that I have from her. We were Christmas Eve people in my family and so that's when we opened up our gifts. It was always excessive and usually amazing. However, during my fifth grade year, my dad picked up my brother and I from school, which never happens. And he told us that my grandpa Meyer, my mom's father, had passed away and he and my mom would be going back to New York for the funeral and Christmas, leaving me and my brothers with my grandma.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:07:23

And that is the moment that I was introduced to grief during the most magical time of the year. The holidays changed after that for me for a couple of reasons. When my parents got back from my grandma's annual New Year's Day party, I noticed my mom was really sad. And I just remember that here we are at a party, she just buried her father and it was a very sad moment. By the time I was in high school, my Grandma Kinsley had declined pretty significantly mentally and physically. And in 1997, about 10 years after I said goodbye to my grandpa, I said goodbye to my Grandma Kinsley just after Christmas. Being a first responder did not help with my tainted view of the holidays. I have seen so much loss around this time of year.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:08:24

The first time that I saw a baby not breathing was just before Thanksgiving. And a few years after that, I responded to a major fire where a four month old baby did not survive. Not only did I have to try and process the grief of people dying, children, older people, it was the impact I felt from the family. And feeling very helpless, they called the first responders to make a difference. And we couldn't always make a difference. I wasn't sure how to process the loss while feeling pressured to be joyful. And not to mention, there were some holidays where I was pretty freaking lonely and not happy. It wasn't until I allowed myself to grieve and learn to hold the reality that the holidays can be both magical and sad.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:09:23

The wisdom I have gained over the last 20 years has taught me that very important lesson. See, grief isn't linear and it doesn't adhere to a schedule. It's a process, and during the holidays it may resurface in unexpected ways. But when we acknowledge our grief, we open the door to healing and understanding and meaning making. It's okay not to be okay. It's okay not to participate in all the things, and it's okay not to decorate if you don't want to. If you're in a tough spot, don't forget to reach out and talk to someone because I can tell you that you are not alone, you are not broken, and you are loved beyond measure. Once I created a space for grief, I was able to focus on gratitude in the midst of grief.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:10:28

Finding gratitude can be a powerful tool for healing. It doesn't mean that you're ignoring the pain, rather embracing the moments of light that pierce through the darkness. Gratitude has the ability to shift our perspective and bring a sense of peace. My dad entered the last phase of his life during this time of year. His health had been declining for years, and this time I knew he wasn't going to recover from his current challenges. My dad and I had a turbulent relationship over the years and I knew that the end was coming. I also knew that I didn't want to look back and regret anything somewhere. I remember hearing Bernay Brown talk about how powerful gratitude is when dealing with loss.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:11:26

So I started to reframe the last couple of months with my dad and focus on what I was grateful for about our relationship. This was not easy and it did not change our past, but it did give me peace and it helped me remember the good times, not just the bumpy ones. And when he did pass away, I was able to be fully present, to grieve and to celebrate his life and legacy. I will even link a post that I wrote about the five lessons I learned from my dad in the show Notes. Practicing gratitude does not deny the difficulties we face. It's about recognizing the small blessings and the moments of connection and resilience that reside within us. When we do this, we cultivate a sense of hope and warmth even during our toughest times, which leads me to our final G today. Growth the journey through grief and gratitude often leads to personal growth.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:12:41

It's about learning, adapting, and evolving. One of my first tattoos was a lotus flower because they grow through the mud and the muck and it is a constant reminder. I have survived 100% of my bad days and dark times. Growth is messy, it's painful, and it's beautiful. But to grow you need capacity and to create capacity, there are things that you need to set down that no longer serve you. And this can be physically or energetically or maybe both. So if your house is too small to accommodate your growing family, you may need a bigger house. And if you're stuck emotionally, you need to create a bigger space for you to grow.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:13:38

But what does growth look like around this time of year? Well, it can be starting a new tradition, doing something unexpected, making time just for you to reflect and not get caught up in the craziness. It can look like offering yourself love and support and compassion. Growth is a beautiful unintended consequence of grief and gratitude. Processing the dark and sad times creates space. Focusing on gratitude for what you learned doesn't change what happened, but it is a reminder that you can do the hard and messy things. You can grow Our ability to grow through adversity is a testament to our human spirit. By embracing the lessons life offers us, we move forward with a newfound strength and understanding. As we navigate the holiday season, lets honor the complexity of our emotions.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:14:46

Grief, gratitude and growth are intertwined threads in the fabric of our lives. By acknowledging and embracing each of these elements, we create a space for authenticity, compassion and healing. I would like to offer you a few action steps that you can take today if it feels right. First, journal or make a voice memo of all that you are grieving this year. Not just people, but acknowledging what is no longer there. Is it a job? A career change? Relationships? Older versions of yourself? Write it down, talk it out. Release all of the changes and loss with loving kindness. Then make a list or a voice memo of what you are grateful for from the lessons of this year.

Diane Schroeder [: 00:15:40

What did you learn in releasing? In grieving? What did adversity teach you? What are you celebrating? What are the wins for you this year? And finally, I want you to celebrate yourself. Treat yourself with a special treat just for you. Maybe it's your favorite coffee drink, an outfit you've been eyeing, or just a few hours of peace and quiet. You are amazing and you should definitely love on yourself. Remember my friend, you are not alone on this journey. However you choose to celebrate the holidays, my wish for you is peace, love and understanding during this season.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:37

I value the time we shared together today. Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram, @shawnapodcasts or he @the.grit.show . There's even a link in bio. He can send me an email to let me know what you thought of today's episode. Hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:20

And that really does mean something. I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon. And I hope you're following along or subscribed so that you'll know and be here, too.