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Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:00

After more than 100 episodes and countless mentions, the person you may have heard about the most and never heard from finally takes the mic. Today you get to meet the man once referred to as my fiance, now referred to as my husband, whom you'll now know simply as Robby after he joins me for an intimate conversation using our 20 questions for a year. Well loved framework. It's questions you get to download and use as well. In this episode, we keep it honest. So you'll hear about his reluctance. Yeah, he didn't actually want to do the episode, but he came around. But you'll get to hear about that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:00:44

He talks about it. You'll also hear how it all turned out and what he thought in the end. We wouldn't encourage you to do anything that we didn't walk through ourselves and go through those bumps. It was more profound than I expected and I'm really excited that you get to be part of this conversation. We had and I was surprised how quickly the time flew, but we need to get to it so that we can fit it all in. I'm glad you're here.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:15

Welcome to the Grit show where our focus is growth on purpose. I'm your host, Shawna Rodrigues, and I'm honored to be part of this community as we journey together with our grit intact to learn more about how to thrive and how to get the most out of life. It means a lot that you are here today. As you listen, I encourage you to think of who may appreciate the tidbits of knowledge we are sharing and to take a moment to pass this along to them. Everyone appreciates a friend that thinks of them and these conversations are meant to be shared and to spark even more connections.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:01:58

So on one hand, if you've been around the great show at all, today's guest needs no introduction because you probably heard there too. Usually referred to as the love of my life, sometimes referred to as Robie, and more frequently now referred to as my husband.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:02:14

Strange.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:14

Strange. Very strange. I know if I look at you being my fiance and then you became my husband and I'm getting used to it though. Are you used to be me?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:02:23

I've been calling you my wife since June of 2019.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:29

So that that was a much transition readout.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:02:31

Transition. But sometimes it is weird to remember that I'm married even though I've called you my wife for five, six years. Five years.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:39

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:02:40

It's weird to be married.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:42

Yes, that makes sense.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:02:43

Like legally married.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:46

Legally, yes. It's legitimate now. We finally had the big party and it was pretty Amazing.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:02:50

It was pretty darn awesome.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:02:52

It did. Yeah. No, it turned out way better than I expected. I think that, like, being ready for it to possibly not be as amazing as we expected made it easier for it to be more amazing than we could have ever expected, if that makes sense.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:03:04

Yeah. I think that when you're in the middle of planning things and you know there's so many things that could go wrong, it's hard to imagine how well it's going to turn out once you're in it. And you just have to deal with however things happen. And I think because you and I roll with things. Well, yeah. But also our friends and family roll with things.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:24

Well, yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:03:25

There was no event that ruined anything because we all just roll with it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:30

Yeah. We have amazing people. We're so lucky. We have amazing people in our world. And we did. It's so funny because we actually did make a list on our honeymoon and the things that, like went awry because I'd already forgotten them because we knew we'd forget those. We do remember, like the really awesome things until we forget all the funny things, like of our friends getting a flat tire and being stranded, like all these rated things like the ring and what else was forgotten. Like, all the stuff was forgot.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:03:55

Like all these things happened. But like, you would forget that because we just. You would be like, oh, it's amazing. All the people and the great games, the fun we had and.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:04:05

Yeah, and it's true. It was amazing and great and fun and none of the little hiccups, they were blipped.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:04:11

However, the reason, the reason that my fabulous love is here today is because we're actually just kick off 2025. We have 20 questions for a year. Well loved. And so my love came on here so he and I could actually demonstrate and have the opportunity to have that conversation about how to actually talk to your partner and reflect on things together and do that together. So that's the reason why he came on here. We've talked about you coming on before.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:04:42

Talked about having me on. I don't like to be on camera and I don't like to see myself on camera or in pictures or in a mirror. So I resist this sort of thing. Yes, I know it's important and it sounded interesting and if I can get over the anxiety, I'm sure I will enjoy this.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:02

Yes, I appreciate you doing it very much. And we've talked about other things too, but we've forgotten even about things we talked about. And this is a. A fun reason to have you on here, and I still think so. Anyone out here knows somebody that, like, loves golf? Robie loves golf. You've. You've heard that from the podcast, I'm sure.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:05:19

I. Yes, yes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:21

But he also has these amazing life lessons that you get from golf. So I still think that one day you may end up with a YouTube channel on golf. He watches YouTube and golf all this. So, like, I feel like he would be so successful because he's so much more immersed in it. And yet you have these really great ideas about what you get from golf that just, like, adds to the depth of it. So I feel like, I don't know, one day, you never know, it could be.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:05:45

I explain to people all the time that, for me, golf is meditation or whatever it is that you do for your alone time and to, like, find your soul or get back with nature. And for me, that's golf.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:05:57

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:05:57

Like, sure, I care about my score, but for me, it's the one place in the world where I have four or five hours where there's nothing beyond what I'm doing in the moment in my brain. So I will completely forget about something I need to go buy or a situation at work or at home or family or all the different things that can come into your mind. When I'm golfing, I'm a hundred percent present. And I love that. That's probably why I love golf so much.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:06:25

And centered. You get centered as well. And I love, too, when you talk about the lessons from it, because, like, when you hit a ball, like, all you can do is what you put into it. And, like, when you went golfing yesterday, which, by the way, there was snow on the ground last night, so he went golf yesterday was nothing. Conditions made me want to golf and that the wind was really bad. Like, so you'd hit it and you had the right swing, the right club, the right everything, and it'd be 30 yards short because of the wind. And, like, you just can't control those things. And it's a good life lesson if you just put in what you can and then the rest is out of your hand.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:07:03

Right. You can't be focused on the outcome. You can only make the right swing for golf, but choices leading up to the impact of the ball. And after that, even when there's no wind and it's great weather, your ball can hit a rock in the ground and shoot off, or you can hit a perfect shot that should go into the hole. It could be a hole in one or knocking the ball in from 150 yards. Out, but it hits the pin, and when it hits the pin, it skyrockets off to the side, and you could end up in the worst possible place. And so golf is a great game of you can't be wrapped up in the outcome. If you are, you're going to be very unhappy.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:07:44

You're not going to enjoy that. Makes sense. Yeah. Because if the score that you get is your main focus when you're out on the golf course, I'm sorry, it's not going to be an enjoyable sport for you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:07:55

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:07:56

Very few people, very, like 0.5% of people are going to be amazing scratch golfers who make money, let alone be the best player at their club. Right. Instead, you have to realize that you've chosen to be out on a course doing this thing that you can do everything correctly, and the ball could end up in the worst possible spot. And that's.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:18

Okay.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:08:19

Okay with that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:08:20

Yeah. And it's a huge life lesson, I feel like. And I feel like it's the greatest example of what I try to think about with life, because there's a lot of people that feel like what you get out of life is what you put into life. And so there's like, work harder, like you got it, whatever else. But I think that the game of golf is a good example of, like, you could be amazing, you could be doing everything right, and yet there's going to be things you never expect that you hit, like the rock, like the tree, that this. That this gets in the way. And you just have to, like, work with what happens. And sometimes you can go through an entire round and never hit a rock, never have a tree, never have, like, this soggy fairway that likes your ball that you can never find.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:09:01

You experience that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:02

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:09:03

Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:09:03

You can get the entire round and know that it happens. You have, like, the game of your life, or you get every single turn. And the more you let those things get to you, the worse your game's going to get, because you're not bringing your best game to it.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:09:16

Right. And I think that what people forget is a lot of times dissatisfaction comes from expectation. I expect that because I spent the time learning to golf, practicing my swing, choosing the right equipment, all these things that my score must be better. And so when it's not, then I don't have a good time. But if I remove that expectation, just like life, I remove the expectation and then. And just enjoy the process, then I'm going to be a happier person for it. In the strange way, golf reminds me to take that mindset into the rest of my life. And it reminds me potentially a hundred times around.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:09:57

Right. Every time I sleep. But I also like to thank or be reminded that practicing or doing it more often increases the chances of the outcome I want.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:10

Yeah. Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:10:11

So there is a benefit to be trying over and over again. That applies to life, too. Yes. You may have made the right choices, You've gone to the right schools, you took the right job, and it doesn't turn out well. But the more often you take the right choices, make the right choices, suffer to get better in something. You increase the chances for the outcome you want, but you don't guarantee the outcome you want.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:35

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:10:36

There's an old quote in sports, and that's luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Ooh.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:44

I like that.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:10:45

Some people are considered lucky, but you don't get lucky unless you do the work. So I think of that a lot.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:10:51

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:10:52

It's just one of those things that pops in my head, like, getting a hole in one in golf is lucky. There are really good golfers who have hit tens of thousands, if not millions of golf shots and have never gotten a hole in one. So it is luck to hit a hole in one. However, there's a greater chance to be lucky when you've put the time and effort into it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:11:14

Yeah. Robie has gotten a hole in one, by the way.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:11:18

Luck

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:11:21

And preparation. He works really hard, and he's a much happier person when he gets to golf. And golf is an important thing you do for yourself, and I love that you recognize that and that there's space in the work you've chosen. You have more time in your world to be able to do that as well, because he typically works for 10s, and so he's able to have a day and time to be able to golf and solemn. That's important.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:11:42

Well, it is important. But I think what you don't always recognize is, like, you recognize that it's important to me and my mental health, and you don't give me a hard time about it, because I hear so often about somebody's partner giving them a hard time about their whatever it is that they choose to do. But whatever it is, you know, my wife doesn't like it when I do X, Y, or Z, Whether it's hang out with friends or go watch football or go to the gym or CrossFit or whatever, or my husband doesn't like it when I spend time with my friends or go out dancing. And the important thing to remember is if you know that something your Spouse or partner does that is important for their mental health or their well being in any way, shape or form. You don't have to like it as well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:31

Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:12:31

But it's okay to recognize that it's important to them and let them go do that without giving them a hard time.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:36

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:12:37

If you rolled your eyes or sighed loudly every time I told you I was going to go golf or that I wanted to go golf, I'd probably still do it because I'm that kind of a.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:47

You're an upholder. We've discussed this.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:12:50

I would feel guilty about it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:12:51

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:12:53

I would spend most of my thinking like, oh, should I really be doing, you know, anyway? And the point is, is I like hearing you say that. I am good at recognizing how important that is for me. But equally as important is that you recognize it and you care enough about me that you're okay with me doing that. Even if sometimes you had some other ideas of what you wanted to do, you don't tell me that you had something else you wanted to do. Right. Does that make sense? That would lessen my enjoyment of what I'm going to do. Because I'd be thinking, oh, should I have canceled this and. And went to do whatever it is that she wanted? That sort of thing.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:13:31

So I don't even know if you recognize how important that is for me, but it is, and I appreciate it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:13:37

Well, you've grown in that. I think. When we first got together, I don't think you recognized how important golf was to you. I think you did it and you had space for it, but you. It was like an advantage of being single that you got to do. It was something you'd have to give up if you were ever in a relationship. Instead of recognizing it was an important part of who you were. And doing it was important, being happy.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:14:03

But it was something that. It was like an indulgence that you would have to give up if the time wasn't there, the money wasn't there, or there were other demands that it had to go instead of being like, no, this is like, even when we're stressed, even when there's other stuff going on, you need to make time for this. And I think that you've gotten a little better. You still, like, you still have some guilt sometimes, like, oh, for going to those things. But you've gotten better at recognizing what it does for you. And I think that that's taken you time to see that.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:14:31

And it has. It's funny because I don't mean to turn this back on you. Again, a lot of that is that you give me the ability to do that. So to make it more obvious or explain that my mindset has been most of my life, in most of my relationships, is I'm going to give things up for my partner because they don't either like them or want me to do them or whatever. And that may or may not have been true. I don't even know. In some ways, I remember specific instances I thought of a relationship as when I give things up for another person. You have never required that or asked that of me.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:15:11

And instead, you've often encouraged me to do things that I would have assumed a partner would have wanted me to not do. And so your willingness or acceptance has actually made it easier for me to go, oh, yes, this is important to me. I don't need to give this up. A relationship isn't about sacrificing parts of myself for the other person. In some ways, obviously there's going to be, but in general, it doesn't have to be. And that for me, probably why we're married, is revelation. Relationships can be amazing and not sacrificial. Primarily, yes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:48

Like us.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:15:49

So do I. Jinx, I imagine you were lucky. I love us.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:15:54

I love it. Yeah, It's a good thing. It's a good thing. That's amazing. Well, good. I love talking to you. I love spending time with you.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:16:00

You.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:00

Yeah. Okay, so let's get to these questions. I'm excited for these questions and these questions. For anyone who's listening, there's actually a link in the show notes so you can get a copy of these questions as well. So other people get the same questions. I don't know that we're get to all of them. There's 20 of them, which is a good amount. And there's like a nice little guidance at the top about, like, when to do them and to, like, you don't have to do them all at once.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:16:21

And that they're supposed to be relaxed and unhurried or whatever else. And they're kind of broken up into four questions per category and five different categories. And so we're going to kind of go through them. And when you do it, the intention is that you answer both of you answer each of them. But for the sake of time or whatever else, we're going to go through and just ask each other back and forth the questions so that we can do them.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:16:44

And I just, before we get started, wanted to say that I had the opportunity to read through these or even have them printed out so I would have them ahead of time. And I chose not to because I want a genuine reaction to it and not my brain coming up with the perfect answer, if that makes sense. So I may pause and I may look confused as I try to figure out what I'm going to say, but I'm going into this blind.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:06

Nice.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:17:07

Embrace that, because this is the kind of thing that would normally cause me great anxiety.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:12

Embrace them. Embrace them. And. And you guys. But I didn't rehearse answers to them, so that makes you feel any better. I didn't put thought into answers to them. I did put thought into what the questions might be to kind of help to like. Because I love.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:28

I love conversations that, like, dive deeper and do that. Obviously, I have a podcast, and we just had to pause for a moment, too, because this is. Yeah. Not your. Not your thing. You are one of the people that helps to point out that I ask a lot of questions.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:17:42

Right.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:17:43

And so things that you love. You love me fully. And this is part of me to accept this. But if there was one thing that you could have less luck with me, it probably be the question. Huh?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:17:53

In general. Yeah. Not you. I'm talking in general. I'm not a. A deep questioner, Ike. I don't even know how to. How to say that.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:18:02

Like, I question the world, the universe. Universe. Like how things are made, how things are done. But I don't think deeply about relationship people. That's just not my jam. And learning to reflect now, I have always felt like I'm a pretty good reflector of myself because I constantly feel like I'm working on me. Because there's never a finished product.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:28

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:18:29

But I don't think about that beyond me. Yeah. Anyway, it's just an interesting, interesting dynamic, and sometimes I'm exasperated by it. And then a week later, as it burrows into my brain and then comes up with really cool things, I'm like, oh, yeah, that was actually really neat.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:48

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:18:49

But my natural reaction is usually like, oh, again.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:18:52

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:18:53

That's just my natural reaction. And I love that. That doesn't fluster you. Right. Like, you just accept that that's how I react to it and probably, I hope, realize that. Oh, he'll get there eventually. Like, down the road, it'll. Because I'll never not pay attention.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:19:07

I will let it marinate in my brain until my brain comes up with something.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:19:12

Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:19:13

My initial reaction is gonna be like, oh, yeah. Then I'll be like, oh, that was really cool. I'm glad we did that, yes, yes, I've had this. I've mentioned to her she loves to paint, and I am very critical of myself in most things, but in art especially, because I was a math kid, a sports kid, and art was not something I ever felt good at. So she's like, hey, do you want to paint? And 99 times out of a hundred, I'm like, no, you do not want to paint. And yet I've told her multiple times that when I am like, yeah, let's go ahead. Like, I end up having a lot more fun than I thought I was going to. So your questions are a lot like paintings for me.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:19:55

And the initial reaction is like, I'm not going to like this. Yeah. And then I turned out, oh, yeah, I really did.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:20:00

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And kind of one of our fun jokes is that it's almost like I don't even bother. Like, why did I even bother asking? Because, like, he'll go to work and he'll tell me, oh, such and such, and tell me this much or something like, oh, such and such is going to the coast this weekend. I'm like, oh, we're out on the coast. He's like, I don't know. Why would I know that?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:20:18

My response is always like, I didn't ask. If they wanted me to know, they would have told me.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:20:23

I asked that with all these follow up questions. Like, I asked this and because I have the podcast at work and work from home and do the stuff that I do from home, like, I don't interact with a ton of people. And so I was like. And he, he works with amazing people and I enjoy. So I was like, asking about them and it's too funny. Like, why?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:20:42

I have no idea.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:20:43

And I still always ask a couple of questions. And then we'd laugh at the fact that why I still always ask questions and he never has.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:20:50

Or I say, wow, that's a great question that I probably should have asked. It never occurred to. You could probably assume I'm disinterested in their lives. I never ask.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:03

Is that right? There's just different ways that our minds work. Whereas when it comes to asking questions about the universe and how things work on those levels, like, you have so many more questions than I have and so many more ways of putting things together and ways of thinking through why this might be happening with those other pieces that I just don't put brain power into.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:21:22

Right.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:22

And so we just have different things. We put brain power. Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:21:24

Our focuses are different. Our brains work differently. And that's we appreciate that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:28

About.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:21:29

Well, I. Absolutely. Yeah. And it's having a partner who is different than. Thinks differently than the way I do has actually opened my world up in ways that I never imagined would be as cool as they are.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:41

Yes. And we don't take it personally, which I think is the key to it, that we find humor and enjoyment in the fact we.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:21:47

There is a lot of laughter and I think that's important.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:21:50

Yes, we appreciate that. All right, let's dive in. So the first category is growth and evolution. So how have you grown individually this year?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:22:00

I am going to. And a lot of these answers are probably going to have to do with being married. I did. I don't know if Shawn has mentioned this. I assume she has in her podcast, but there was a time where there was jokes about wedding Glow Roby. And it may not be as obvious now, but it still exists. And so my individual growth this year, like on the largest level, is of being a husband, but not the husband part. More of understanding that you love me even when I'm not doing correct thing like I will fail.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:22:44

And that's not going to change your love for me. And I think that has been the biggest that we've mentioned Wedding glow Robi. But I've never dove into what to you what I thought it was. And that's what it is. Like, I am a pretty confident person. Most people would say that they see of me as somebody who's very confident. This is the first time I ever have ever been less fearful about being rejected. And so probably multiple times in our relationship, I've still harbored this fear that at some point you're going to wake up and realize I'm not the one and then move on.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:23:27

And I didn't even realize how that would feel once we got married and that went away, if that makes sense. For me, that's individual growth, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:38

You happy? Unconditionally. You're stuck with me.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:23:41

Mind blowing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:42

Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:23:43

Yeah. I'm not performing for you. You've already accepted me.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:48

Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:23:48

Makes sense. Because I often feel like a lot of what I do feels performative. Yep.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:23:55

So anyway, yeah, no need for that.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:23:58

Yeah. And that's amazing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:00

You want us to be number two.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:24:01

Number two. What is the biggest change you have noticed in our relationship? Hi, Meiko.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:09

Our kitties, we talked about either putting them upstairs or letting them come and join us. So one of our cats is trying to join us. So, that might happen. What is the biggest change I've noticed in our relationship? I think probably, like, exactly what you're saying. Like that wedding glow Robie element, which we got married and we got back from the honeymoon, and, like, stuff hit the fan for me. Like, I literally had, like, a credit card stolen. I had health stuff happening with family members. I had stuff happening with work with my business going, like, sideways.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:24:40

And then Robie was Mr. Positive. What is this? I think, like, this. This ability for you to hold, like, this positive outlook and this. This change that is. It's not what I expected. Like, I didn't expect us off the level by getting married. Like, we've been together long enough, been good long enough.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:08

We have this incredible. Our relationship is already more than I ever expected. And already such a gift is a bonus. And then to like, have things like after the wedding, trembling and have this super positive partner that, like. Like a lot of great qualities, but that having one of them.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:25:28

No, no positivity. I don't really feel like I'm a pessimist, but I feel like the things that I get from the world are run through a filter of realism in my head because I. I'm aware of how things can go wrong. But I've become a more positive person since we got married, which is. I didn't go there.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:25:48

So it's like, that's a funny, like, bonus thing that I just did not expect for that to happen. So that's been, like, this kind of fun bonus. So there's lots of great elements for our relationship that I did not expect.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:26:01

Every one of them.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:26:03

Because I think that a lot of times in life, people get married and then they just. It feels like people discover negative things about their partners. That makes sense. Like, the mask falls off somehow with people off for you.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:26:20

That's funny.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:26:22

That was, like, not. Not that I expected. So that was kind of. I think that was the element that shifted with this extra bonus level of positivity that I just didn't expect. So it was kind of this nice little bonus that we got in our relationship. And I think that we continue to get stronger, which we were already pretty strong. I know you hear people say that stuff like, I didn't think I could love you anymore. I love your life.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:26:47

Right. You roll me around. Okay.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:26:49

Everyone will. You know, we don't. Like, we. You can roll your eyes like you wanted us. We understand. And we sound ridiculous sometimes. But, yeah, those things are true.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:26:59

Yeah, I know. And that. It irks me a little that they're true, if that makes sense. You know, like when you watch the romcoms and people Talk about that. You're just like, oh, yeah. Now you have to be like, oh, yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:27:14

It can be possible. Okay, so there's two more questions here, but we're going to skip over the next two questions and go to the next area just so that we can get to all the areas. And so emotional connection is the next section. So what moment this year made you feel the most loved?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:27:31

Oh, that's a good question. This is going to sound interesting, maybe, or feel not important, but when I finally caught Covid for the first time, and I don't have a lot of memory of the night when I first got sick, I just was miserable and I just remember being in tears and I don't cry very well. That's not true. I cried during movies and commercials, like emotional cry. I don't cry from pain.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:27:59

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:28:00

And I was in severe pain.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:28:03

Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:28:03

Because for me, the first thing that happened when I caught Covid and my temperature spiked was all of the joints that I've had surgery on and injuries to suddenly hurt hurt maximally. And so being in bed at 2 o'clock in the morning and crying and you just holding me, I feel like is something I haven't had since I was a child and my mother was holding me.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:28:31

Yes, he was in the highs when he's like anyone near him, like, he will literally go into his man cave at our last house, like downstairs, far away, hidden. When he's.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:28:41

Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:28:41

Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:28:42

And so for me, I feel like looking at that question, people want to hear some more emotional depth to it. But for me, it was more. It's emotional for me because of being able to be miserable physically and be able to express that and not be judged for it, which could be a whole nother level of discussion of me. But again, it's not something I felt a comfort from somebody else when I'm expressing that emotion probably since I was a young child, you know, and I say that like young, young child, because when I was 6 and I hurt myself, it was suck it up.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:24

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:29:25

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Like, boys don't cry all those. So young child.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:31

Yes. Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:29:32

So I don't even remember the last time I felt that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:35

Yes. I had to throw in a tiny story that Roby had shoulder surgery a few summers back and we went to go have the surgery like he was actually. And I could tell. So I asked, I said, you want me to leave? And he was more comfortable with me leaving pre surgery because he's done so many surgeries and he's Done them alone.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:29:54

Right.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:29:54

He's been alone. And I used to be the only person in my family that everyone has there when they're getting their surgeries done or they're getting medical stuff done that stays at the hospital, supports everyone. So it was really hard for me to not be there. But I could tell that it was harder for him to have me there for him to be alone because he's in. He had medical. He's in medical profession. Like, he supports people through that stuff. And so he's comfortable around other medical professionals when he's preparing for surgery, in pain or dealing with that stuff.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:30:22

But he was not comfortable being around me when he was getting ready to go into surgery and doing that. So it really does show the trajectory of our relationship, even that you could let me comfort you and be there for you when you were in that place too. So thank you for sharing that.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:30:36

You're welcome.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:30:38

That was awesome that I wouldn't have known that otherwise.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:30:41

Yeah, you're welcome. I'm going to skip the next question.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:30:44

Okay.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:30:45

Just because I really like this. What small gesture of mine meant the most to you?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:30:51

Oh, you are so good at doing little things. And it's so funny because I'm going to go to broader little things. This is the funniest thing ever. There's a joke that we have about. I don't remember which movie is about the girl who leaves glasses of water everywhere that are half full. Yeah, but I leave half full. I have bottles of water that I like to have their fridge near full. And like, Robie would always fill them up and put them in the fridge for me without me even knowing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:18

So like, he has these little ways of taking care of me like he does without even knowing. But I think the most recent little small gesture of yours that you did is when I sound ridiculous. But I couldn't find like three pairs of my earrings or favorite pairs of earrings, mine. And I finally mentioned to Roby, and it sounds funny that I mentioned to Roby to say, like, I can't find these earrings. And there's this pair, this pair and this pair. And he knew which pairs they were because he attended to me. My silly earrings. So, hey, which pairs of earrings I was talking about I couldn't find.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:31:53

I was like, I don't know, like, if I've been traveling, I left them somewhere. Like, I've looked my bag. Like, I find them. It's been like few weeks now I be able to find them. I missed my earrings. Like, I know what's happened to them. And he immediately found them. It's embarrassing because I actually, I hung up this thing.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:32:12

I have the whole earrings and I forgot that I hung up so I'd find them easier. And I'd lost them till three weeks because I. I never looked at the place, I'll hang them up. But he instantly found them for me to do that. I think it was just the fact that I could tell him little things like I can't make for three weeks. He knew what I was talking about. He took the time to look for them and found them. And even like today, like when I was there for the podcast, they would come over and help me plug things in.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:32:41

And I could just ask you for help from those silliest little things. And you always just like jump to it to help me out with the silliest little thing. My love language is act service. It comes to play here. Like you always just jump in to help with the silliest things. See, I'm thinking of 20 million things now. And so Christmas Eve, I was driving back from Oregon and I made up a menu for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner. And we were having a friend over Christmas Eve.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:33:08

And the Christmas Eve dinner was the one that I was supposed to do. He was supposed to do Christmas Day. And so I had ridiculous things on there, like carrots of lay and bacon wrapped cream bean bundles and stuff like that because I don't bake very often. So I was excited to cook and make those things, but I was not two hours behind because that happens when I go to an organ with a family. I get into a vortex there. And so I called and was like, I don't know, we'll push our guest back a little bit. And he's like, oh, I'll take care of it, I'll cook it all. He'd never cooked those things before and he just made them and just made happen.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:33:37

And dinner was delicious. He was Wellington. He just picked it up. And you did a great job. And you weren't even bothered by like coming over work and then having to like make this fancy dinner that I concocted when I was making it. So it was like all those little things, you just like step up and step in without ever blinking. And I totally appreciate that about you.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:33:59

Well, thank you. And I enjoy doing it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:02

Well.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:34:04

The funny thing is I'm a contrarian and so like, if I was required to do that sort of thing or told to do it, I would resist and I'd grumble inwardly at least the entire time. I enjoy doing it for you and I also enjoy. Because you appreciate it. Right. You show appreciation for it so that. I don't know. That works very well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:26

Yes, I very much do. Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:34:29

Hobbs has decided to make himself a part of this. Yes.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:31

Hobbs is kind of his lap. And I'll try to speak into the microphone so if you get a meow, you know, you know who's contributing, because he definitely wants to be part of it. I love this. I like that. Thank you.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:34:42

You're welcome.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:34:43

Okay, so we both got one from emotional connection. So we're going to jump over to challenges and resilience. And so I'm going to go to. I'm going to ask number 10. So when did you feel proudest of how we handle something together this year?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:34:57

I need a moment to come up with it. So I think you're aware of this. Sort of how my brain works is when a problem arises and then is resolved, I forget about it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:09

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:35:09

Like, it's erased. Because whatever reason, my brain just compartmentalized that and it's gone.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:15

Yeah. Done.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:35:16

So I can't even think of any issues. I love that legitimately. I'm trying to think of, like, a troubled time that we overcame.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:32

Oh, then can I steal the question?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:35:33

No, please do.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:34

I'll totally steal the question then. I think I've been proud of it, how we've handled our families together.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:35:42

Yeah.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:35:43

And that goes. That goes to the wedding. Even, like, how we handle something. I think that we both. Because I think that with our. Our families are both complicated, but I think that we do such a good job of, like, respecting each other, taking the lead on untangling things that comes to our family, but both having immense empathy for what the other one is dealing with individual situations with our family, good and bad. Like, you know what I mean? But I think that I feel like we've matured along our relationship in that way with those pieces and that goes, like, with how for the wedding and who's invited, who's not invited. Like, how we linked all those different pieces to like, even determining, like, how stuff handled with us because we spent Christmas here because of your work schedule.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:36:31

But we still have to get some stuff down there, like, how we handle those things. Like, I feel like we've just done such a great job of supporting each other with those things and understanding, like, the way we do that. And I have. I really respect and appreciate that. You get how much I love my family and I want to be there for them and do things for them and let me do that and support me Doing that because past partners who really resent and get frustrated, and we're my family taking advantage of me, et cetera, et cetera. And you are my most fierce protector. Like, you let me care about me and whatever else, but at the same time, you get my love for my family, desire to do things for them, and support that at the same time as protecting me, Supporting me in this beautiful way that makes me feel supported so I can still be there, but still feel protected at the same time. A beautiful job balancing that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:37:21

And I feel like that that's, like, the way that we come together. And I feel like, together, like, I feel like you're an absolute ally and all of that. So somebody who's so wrong by my family, they run the other way. Or somebody who's, like, pushing me so much, or this is my house we try to protect so much, they're, like, causing division and making it harder on me. My family, or somebody who's, like, so overwhelmed by my family, they're running the other way. That's what I've experienced a lot in relationships. And I feel like you do the great middle ground with all of that. And I feel like even.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:37:52

And of course, speaking for myself, that even, like, with your family, that we can do. We do things a great way, that we do that together.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:37:59

Well, I was going to say that I feel similar with my family, but especially I think about my mother. You may not agree with how I handle my relationship with my mother. I've never asked. But you let me have that relationship the way that I need it to be. And if you feel the need to interact with her more or do things with her, you do. But you never make me feel like you're pushing me to do those things, if that makes sense. You accept that the relationship I have with her is what it is. And again, in a very similar way, I.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:38:36

I appreciate that. As opposed to you need to spend more time or you need to call or you need to. That would just irritate me to no end. And I appreciate that you're just like, yeah, that's just the way you have your relationship.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:38:49

Yeah. So I think we do good with that.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:38:50

I think we do as well.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:38:51

Oh, and look, we was like, let me get out of the way just in time.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:38:57

I like this. Okay, I'm gonna skip to 12.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:39:01

Okay.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:39:01

What made you feel most supported this year?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:39:06

Oh, actually, I answered the last question. I get to ask you a question.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:39:09

Yes, you did answer. You asked the question, but then you answered it. That's a good point.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:39:15

Then we'll just turn that to you. So what made you feel most supportive this year?

Robie Lawrence [: 00:39:19

It's not gonna be a single moment. Okay, Miko.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:39:23

He's back on the paper.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:39:24

Back on the paper, like, trying to get my hand to pet him. For me, it's multiple things over the year. And it is. It sort of harkens back to what I talked about earlier is it's the constant support you have given me in moments where I would have expected to either be ignored or not supported or negatively reacted to. And I'm trying to think of an exact. An example or a specific example, but I can't. But what I can tell you is I've thought to myself multiple times that for a person who expects a partner to react the worst possible way, you consistently react in a way that's better than I could have imagined. And if I thought of the right reaction, it's even better than that, if that makes sense.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:40:21

So I have been notorious for choosing bad relationships, which is why I chose for a long time to not be in a relationship, because I didn't trust myself to make choices that were good for me because I'd made so many bad ones. So my expectations in a relationship tend to lean towards negative. And over and over again, when I'm worried about your reaction to something and expecting something negative, you consistently give me more positive than I even could have imagined it would have been. I just find that fascinating. And it leads into what I talked about before in that I feel so supported that it blows my mind that it's even possible. So a relationship can be infinitely greater growth as opposed to a ball and chain. Or it's not a weight, it's an uplifting. And I was aware that could be, but didn't imagine I would ever be in a relationship like that.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:41:33

Yes, see, I had a hard time imagining all that was even possible. Like, I know that we have all that. But it's so funny that, like, when you tried to, like, think of the relationships that you admire, that it was hard for me at times. Like, look at relationships I admired, and sometimes you didn't see them as fully as you could. Right. But it was. It was hard. So it's been so amazing to, like, discover our relationship, and then it's made it easier to see all the positives in other relationships.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:41:58

We've had this relationship. It's just amazing.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:42:01

And this is a deeper discussion, not for us, but I feel like we live in a society. The benefits from making people more aware of divisiveness than togetherness On TV shows, the husband and wife are usually divisive and not together. Relationships are divisive. Political things are divisive. I just feel like our society is very focused on pulling people apart instead of putting them together. And so you don't often see the benefits of a healthy relationship.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:42:39

Oh, they would never make a reality TV show about us. It would be so boring. Everyone would hate it.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:42:44

You know what I mean?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:42:45

Yeah, because. Because there's like. No. And there's not enough. Like they would try to come up with ways to make it more interesting because I have enough things to be divisive about.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:42:56

And the reality is the. Sure. We don't always get along.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:42:58

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:42:59

We're going to have things. You know, there's parts of. Of your personality that. Yeah. And there's parts of mind that are the same way. And that's okay. And we're going to sometimes handle those differences well and sometimes not so well, but we never allow either of those options to be the focus or the central part of our relationship.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:43:24

Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:43:25

And I think that goes back to the trust factor. I trust that you love me even if you don't like certain parts of my personality or certain reactions that I have to things. There's a freedom in that trust so that I'm not defensive all the time. And I hope you feel the same way. But that is something that I didn't expect.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:43:49

Yes. Well, I think the challenge with all that is when we don't have enough of those examples because my closest friends get the most up close view to our relationships and my closest friends are constantly commenting on how much they get out of that. Because even hearing the stories and I can't think of any of them right now, but even when I'm frustrated with something with you, the way that I hold it and the way that I feel it and the way that I experience it is so much different than they're used to seeing the experiencing and having conflict with relationships. Right. And so people don't have examples that. And so that's part of the challenge is that people don't have examples of that.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:44:31

Right.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:44:32

And my closest friends do that. Close view of that. And we don't have books and stories and TV shows and movies and whatever else that show enough of that. And probably because it's not interesting. I don't know.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:44:46

Well, I would say yeah, it's for the same reason that the news doesn't give you positive stories. Yeah, People are more engaged by negativity. They're more likely to tune into it. For whatever reason, I'm not even going to go into human nature. Yeah, but you're right. People don't have as many positive things out there. And probably because positivity doesn't sell.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:45:13

Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:45:13

You know, another bummer.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:45:15

That's what I want more of me too.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:45:20

We sat down last night and watched Inside out too. We had the opportunity to watch whatever movie and Sean is like, what would you like to watch?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:45:28

This.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:45:28

Or this? Or this? And I really wanted to see Inside out too, for that positivity. I knew that it was going to be positive and it was like one.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:45:37

Of the top movies of the year, wasn't it? Or one of the top movies of.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:45:39

The year, I assumes. Was it last year or the year before they came? I don't even know. I can't believe this is the last year.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:45:44

And I feel like I seen some headline. What it mean? Like it broke some record or it was a top move for the year or something I saw in some headline for the year. So that's a. But.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:45:53

Yeah, it's. But I look for the positivity more, you know, because I negative around and I love negative stuff as much as anybody else when it comes to entertainment. Right?

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:46:05

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:46:05

But, yeah, sometimes I just want to see that, like, positive, uplifting, Watching rom coms, like.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:46:11

Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:46:12

Because I tell them that I watch lots of rom coms. I even did before Sean and I got together. And the reason for that is, you know, at the end it's going to be a positive, uplifting story about love. Which even if I didn't, even more ironic.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:46:28

Yes. Yes.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:46:29

It's still nice to see it.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:46:31

Yes. This is amazing. We are going to have to cut this, this episode into two episodes because we are. We are going to give you guys the last two categories, but we are going to get this into two episodes. And so we are going to come back so you guys can finish having more of this because this has been such a great conversation. Thank you so much for doing this and thank you guys so much for listening in on this. This has been. This has been lovely.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:46:53

I love this and hopefully everyone listening has enjoyed this as well. You guys can get in the show notes. You guys can get this entire. All 20 questions once we've been skipping over as well. And I want to hear from folks too about what you guys thought of this, what you got out of this.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:47:07

I'd be interested in. Thank you for asking me to do this because as we mentioned, this isn't something I would ever choose, like, to do or have the idea to do and I've enjoyed it. So my expectation of having a miserable time and to lay it out there, more miserable time because I'm so worried about I don't think I look good. I don't think I speak well. All of the things that would cause me anxiety over it manifesting in I'm on screen.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:47:36

Yes. Yeah.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:47:37

But I enjoyed it very much and I found myself not thinking and focusing on those things, so.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:47:42

Oh, I'm glad. Yes. Not focusing those things is key to probably part of that. Excellent. Well, good. Well, definitely we will be back then. So you guys can hear the last two categories of Communication, understanding and future and aspirations. Which future and aspirations is the one I'm most excited about.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:47:57

Obviously 2025. We want to get into this next year. So thank you guys so much for being here with us.

Robie Lawrence [: 00:48:03

Thank you.

Shawna Rodrigues [: 00:48:07

I value the time we shared together today. Thank you for making time to be here and to continue taking steps towards growth and bringing more ease into your life. I'd love for us to stay connected on Instagram, @shawnapodcasts or @the.grit.show. There's even a link in bio @the.grit.show where you can send me an email to let me know what you thought Today's episode. Hearing from you helps to make the effort that goes into producing these episodes worthwhile. After all, you're why I'm here. And since it's been a while since you've heard this, you are the only one of you that this world has got and that really does mean something. I hope you realize that I'll be back again soon and I hope you're following along or subscribed so that you'll know and be here too.